I am sick of worrying about everything

[Pennylane01]

Hello.

I really need some help and I don’t know what to do. I worry about everything. I have always been this way, I can’t seem to help it. It is almost always about things I cannot control.

I am a mature student, (and work a full time job) and will enter my final year of studying after the summer and I’m hoping to get a job in the public sector, I’m worried I won’t get a job, it worries me even more that the national insurance contributions are going to increase in a couple of weeks, and all I hear is of expected job losses.

I worry about the mortgage rates, and prices of things going up. I worry about my old age, and how I will manage as I stupidly didn’t have a pension when I was with my husband (got married at 18, split when I was 49). Trusted him completely but had to split everything 50/50 and I had to take my part of the pension in the house to house myself and the kids.

I worry about war and my boys being drafted and being sent to fight.

I know I have no control over any of these things, but I just can’t help it. I have taken steps to watch the news once a day, but I doesn’t seem to help I’m just so so sick of worrying, I am so tired and I know I am wasting my life away with worrying. I can’t seem to look forward to the future because I am so worried about giving myself false hope, and then being disappointed.

Does anyone experience this, or has anyone found ways to combat this? I did go to my GP but he said I’m being silly to worry about things I can’t control, he prescribed me antidepressants but they aren’t working.

i would never do anything stupid but it is honestly getting to the stage where I can’t wait until I’m no longer here as I’m just so so tired of feeling this way.

I’m currently going through similar but it’s a new thing for me! I’m just not coping.

DH works away at sea. Not far from the ships that collided last week

work is horrible atm so the worry and panic that builds up before my run of shifts makes me feel physically sick

my eldest ds’s best friend passed his driving test last week and all I’ve seen in the news lately is teens being killed in car crashes

my young DS is 14. Even before I watched adolescence on Netflix all I’m seeing over social media is boys and girls his age being jumped and beaten by several people

my mum asked me the other day to be executor of her will, now I’m worried she’s really poorly

I found a lump on my thigh, gp couldn’t reassure me she knew what it was so now I’m half way through the two week pathway to check if it’s cancer. I’ve convinced myself it is.

i have NEVER been an anxious person before

I’m not sleeping, not eating and lost all motivation for anything. Getting a gp appt is like winning a golden ticket,.. but I’ll keep trying.

im trying to make small steps to improve things, i have a job interview next week. Still as a nurse just in a less stressful environment.

i dont know what the answer is tbh. Everything feels ten times worse because I haven’t slept in 58 hours. I’m also in peri

maybe you need to up your dose? Or try a different one?

I don’t watch the news at all, or read news on the internet. It just stresses me out so much and it’s not something I have the power to control. With social media as it is (I only check facebook once a day and don’t have anything else) I still know roughly what’s going on. I’m guessing counselling is too expensive in your current position. How do you get on with self help books.

Could it be related to perimenopause or menopause? I was always a confident, calm person. I got to about 49 and my anxiety just went through the roof - and all the things that I used to do to manage brief periods of worry just….stopped working. I managed to make myself extremely ill with worry for a full six months of last year, terrible gastric symptoms and constant fear response, could not stop worrying and worrying about everything, it was like I’d had layers of skin removed and absolutely everything sparked off a fear response in me.

I ended up being put on the 2 week pathway and having CT scans and a gastroscopy. It was hellish. It was only when all my gastro symptoms disappeared exactly two weeks after I started on a new antidepressant that I realised it was all stress/worry-related.

Anxiety/worry is apparently really common as a symptom in peri. I know it hit me like a truck, seemingly out of nowhere. All of which is to say I’m sorry you feel this way, it must be exhausting. And I hope you manage to find a way through it.

Could you try hypnotherapy? I had it a few years ago for a specific worry (pregnant after multiple miscarriages) and it worked instantly. I know friends who've had it for more general /widespread concerns and it also did the trick, although they needed top-ups every now and then (yearly, rather than really regularly). It's amazing because the same thoughts still cross through your mind, but without the negatives feelings. It's like you can have the thought but not be affected by it. Honestly, I'd highly recommend it!

I’m hoping to get a job in the public sector, I’m worried I won’t get a job

I would try to think rational about some of these things, eg getting a job-what's your degree and what job do you want? People on here can probably reassure you on that one.

I am wasting my life away with worrying

What would your life look like without the worrying? Can you think about how you would use the time you are wasting and how you would fill it? What could you achieve, or enjoy, instead?

And are you actual worrying or are you problem solving? Some of your concerns do need you to find a workable solution so is it possible to concentrate on them?

(Sorry for all the questions!)

I have always been this way, I can’t seem to help it.

You weren't born worrying so you learnt it somewhere along the line. Who in your family was the worrier? You can change that thought pattern.

I’m a chronic worrier. Exercise helps a bit, cutting right down on alcohol. I drink a lot of caffeine which I should address. Do you drink caffeine? Lifestyle changes can help - eat well etc. Increasing anti-depressants could help. Counselling is good if affordable . For me I know I will always worry, but can manage it to some extent.

Thank you for replying to me. I wouldn’t be able to afford hypnotherapy or private counselling I’m afraid. I have tried self help books, but they just don’t seem to work.

howshouldibehave I dont want to say specifically incase it’s outing, but can say (funnily enough), it’s a highly stressful area of work, but I’m fine with other people’s worries, just not mine. I have checked job sites to keep an eye on them and there doesn’t seem to be an awful lot of vacancies which there are been in previous years.

I’ve been a worrier since I was a wee girl. Think it comes from me being a carer for my siblings when my parents were alcoholics, but the worrying has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, even more so since I split up with my husband.

Since I’ve split up from my husband I feel as if a lot of responsibility has been placed on my shoulders with the kids. My youngest was self harming when I split up from my husband and he was absolutely no help or support in helping with that. It was left to me to try to help our child. He just walked away with his new woman and her children to play happy families.

Hi OP I can totally relate to your post. I too am a chronic worrier, since childhood but certainly worse in perimenopause. I watch and read too much news and political programmes. It all stresses me and winds me up and has caused tension in my marriage. I also have tried to cut down my news consumption. I also have kids with problems including my youngest who has anxiety, is on waiting list for CAMHS and struggles to attend school. My husband is not always supportive and gets angry with her. My older children are ND and just struggle with social situations and life in general.
I totally feel the pain worry and desperation in your post. I wish I could give you an answer to all of this. If you are a natural worrier it is very difficult to just change your whole personality. I too tried antidepressants, they reduced the anxiety and helped me sleep, but I still felt depressed because of my life situation. If my kids were happy I feel that I possibly wouldn't have needed them.
So the way I try to cope is to try and fit in some things I enjoy, for example swimming relaxes me and is good for my body. I try to eat healthy most of the time and don't drink much alcohol (can't tolerate it anyway due to peri!) I try to meet friends regularly and talk through stuff with them which helps a little. I changed my job from public to private sector after many years which was hard but am much less stressed and now enjoy my job. I cuddle my dogs and listen to uplifting dance music. I try to accept that most things I worry about are out of my control. None of this may be helpful to you but I just wanted to hold your hand and say you are not alone in feeling weighed down and sick of worrying.

Which antidepressants are you taking and how long have you been taking them for?

I’m like this, and I’m also sick of it. My worst worry is health anxiety - I immediately assume everything/anything is terminal. Just this week I’ve had MS, a stroke, and a heart attack.

during lockdown I listened to the book “The power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle and it REALLY helped. His voice (it’s narrated by the author) is very soothing, and its message is fantastic. that might be worth a try.

I understand why it’s worse now you’re single. I was a single mum between my marriages and it’s stressful because you make 💯 of the decisions, and so can constantly second guess yourself. Decisions are a nightmare when you’re anxious. Plus men are very good at reassuring worried women - my DH calms me down daily - so you might be missing that.

Also I think it’s a symptom of menopause and ADHD.

Hi OP, I used hypnotherapy sessions from the ClearMinds app as I couldn't afford in person hypnotherapy either. Honestly life changing. It's so good to be rid of that constant gripping tightness in the chest and throat, and the sinking feeling of doom.

Good luck. X

I can relate. I think it almost becomes like a type of OCD

I'll keep it nice and simple : in a nutshell sertraline changed my life.

I worry occasionally, but now my thoughts don't spiral and I probably worry the same amount of time as a 'normal' person. Before sertraline it was very much out of control to the point I could not enjoy life.

Avoid the news as much as possible. Keep a close and trusted circle around you and avoid drama and conflict.

I’m currently on Citralopram, I’ve been taking it for 6 months. I felt my doctor was very unsympathetic with me.

Totally relate. Had a mental breakdown last year which didn’t help.
having counselling which helps so much. I recommend.
there are lots of techniques to organise worry as thoughts go round and round and it gets worse and worse.
my therapist has explained our anxiety brain is still very active, we just need to engage rational brain more. We haven’t evolved that far yet so we have to make it work.
my next read was recommended by my therapist. It’s called ‘good reasons for bad feelings’.
PM me if you like. You’re not alone, lots of us are struggling x

I understand @Pennylane01, and other comments on this thread really resonate with me. A lot of my anxiety was increased by being low on ferritin and vitamin b, and I think perimenopause. Since treating those deficiencies and going on HRT I have noticed a distinct decrease in the sharp, take my breath away anxiety attacks.

I still do have this overwhelming dark feeling of doom. I worry about my children, what jobs will be there for them, what opportunities will even still exist when they are adults, how will they own a house or afford to do anything?

I worry about war, about what would happen, how would we protect ourselves. Last week I ended up down a proper rabbit hole about how if we had to flee Britain I would have to have my pets PTS and cried for ages about it. 🤷‍♀️ where did that even come from??

I have started allowing myself a few minutes each day to ‘indulge’ the worry, when I apply all my rational arguments, and then i stop thinking about it. Eg
health anxiety- if I really did have x,y,z wrong with me I’d be a lot more unwell and would have got worse over all these months. Interestingly, before Christmas I had a suspected stroke/ facial paralysis and I was so calm, not anxious at all, very practical and got myself to a&e and treated, no dramas. This helped me realise that this health anxiety is exactly that.

war- I try not to watch the news. I ask my dh to tell me the highlights (he’s very calm and rational). It’s out of our hands and there’s no point worrying

my dc- they are happy and healthy, we are so lucky. My job is to make them resilient and with life skills that will help them navigate this difficult world they will grow up in. I can do that.

I do still worry, but I’m learning to apply rational thoughts and limit the impact of it. It’s horrible and it does feel like it is preventing me living my life.

Anxiety going through the roof was one of the things that made me think i'd actually gone into peri a bit early (35), its crazy how hormones affect every last scrap of your whole damn personality

How are you doing OP? Hope you are ok.

I’m okay, thank you. I have made another appointment with a different doctor at my practice. Hopefully they can give me different advice/help.

I hope they are helpful. I took Citalopram and Mirtazipine, both helped reduce the anxious intrusive thoughts but to be honest counselling helped me the most. I know GPs can refer you for free counselling but there is a waiting list of course. Mind are a really good charity that I have spoken to before when I had PND. There are people out there to talk to who will not judge you for how you feel I promise x