How to handle my sisters controlling behaviour towards our mum

[Happymumma87]

im all out of ideas so here I am…

my sister lives with just my mum. We have had a pretty traumatic childhood which I won’t go in to but as a result my sister has played mum to my mum since we were teenagers. My mum has relied on her for anything from arranging bills, chauffeuring her around, diy round the house, socialising….everything. My mum has always paid for every day things, clothes etc and my sister has always lived there rent free in return. This arrangement has always worked…until recently

I moved out at 18, got married had kids etc. I don’t have a relationship with my mum, but me and my sister are very close.

anyway my mum and sister have a very turbulent relationship and both are hot heads and both incredibly stubborn. Their recent row has been going on for possibly 6 months and I can’t see it resolving…the problem is I think my sister is in the wrong and some of her behaviour presents as quite controlling.

the most recent example is they have had a big shouting match that’s lasted days about a boiler being replaced. My mum has started wanting some more independence and I believe probably wants to start making her own decisions. The boiler is old but doesn’t need a total replacement…my sister is fuming because my mum decided to use a random repair guy (not our friend who is a boiler engineer) and has got the boiler replaced instead of just fixing the old one. Sounds petty right? But my sister has made it in to such a big deal and calling her stupid, cunt, self obsessed, princess etc. I’m probably not explaining it very well but she calls me up when I’m at work or trying to sort the kids and will rant on for an hour non stop about something as pathetic as this. She’s making herself Ill mentally and physically. She screams abuse at my mum. Demands inheritance so she can buy her own place. I’ve tried many approaches to get her to drop it and forget about it but nothing works…she is incredibly angry. It’s getting to the point where I’m fed up with it…I love her but she takes things to far and doesn’t drop anything.

any ideas?

Your DS is being abusive.

I guarantee if you challenge her she will be abusive to you too.

Whether you like your Mum or not she is the one that needs an intervention. ASAP.

As you have no contact with your Mum, and have failed to get anywhere with your sister, I think I would take the stance that I don't want to know. Tell her that she doesn't listen to your advice, so there's no point in discussing it further, and then change the subject. If she persists, then hang up the phone.