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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you choose your battles with your toddler?

4 replies

anon771 · 20/03/2025 17:57

Today at a soft play centre, my friends 3 year old took my 2 year old’s drink that I’d just got her and drank it.

She openly said “I’ll just go and buy your daughter another one as I can’t be bothered to argue with her (her DD)”

I have what I call “non negotiables”, taking somebody else’s food or drink is a non negotioable to me, I would ask/tell them to give it back (unless other child offered to share), brushing teeth is another non negotiable for example.

Her child regularly hits, shouts and refuses to share with other children.

Things I choose my battles over are for example DD not eating all of her dinner, she can eat as much or as little as she likes. However, friend will ignore their DD shouting and crying because they say they have had enough and she tells them they’ve got to eat the rest and doesn’t let them down from the high chair or table until they have.

Since having DD, I’ve realised that I don’t have much in common when it comes to parenting with a 2 of my friends and honestly it makes me not want to see them often.

I don’t know if this is “mama bear” don’t take my child’s drink, or if I’m reasonable in this. Is anyone else the same? I have 5 or 6 really strong friendships, 3 of them are from school and 3 have been who I’ve met since and I feel sad that I feel this way since having DD!

OP posts:
Lammveg · 20/03/2025 18:02

I agree with you.

You sound like you 'pick your battles' in letting your child decide things for themselves/develop their sense of being able to choose/their independence etc and your friend chooses their battles in terms of her feeling like it's too much hard work to manage bad behaviour.

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 20/03/2025 18:04

Sometimes picking your battles means picking the ones worth fighting as well!

Having a toddler is exhausting so I get the “CBA with an argument” but IME people who are permissive when their kids are toddlers end up raising spoilt entitled and bratty children that they’re weirdly scared of. It rarely swings the other way. And I have broken friendships over parenting styles because of how friends have let their kids treat my kids.

pbdr · 21/03/2025 01:26

Well I think a degree of picking your battles is essential with toddlers, because they do so much annoying nonsensical crap that you’d have a very conflict heavy relationship with them if you chose to fight every little thing. But picking your battles doesn’t mean not holding any boundaries, and some are very important.
So my 3 year old is absolutely not allowed to hit anyone. She would not be allowed to steal a drink belonging to another child. But if she wants to wear her beloved Paw Patrol pyjamas instead of day clothes to soft play then fine, I don’t really care. The line really is if what she is doing is hurting someone else.

TyneTeas · 21/03/2025 01:43

I am way past toddler age but at the time I would have expected this to be something to that was addressed

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