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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH says I’m taking the piss going out all the time

26 replies

SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 17:32

Went out today to see my mum for her birthday. The plan had been to meet her when the children were in school but our DS is off “sick” from school (he’s absolutely fine now, going back tomorrow) Left at 11.45, home at 5pm. Took me an hour and a half to get home as my bus broke down. DH was furious when I got home, told me I was taking the piss out of him, always some excuse. He’s working tomorrow so he’s got to bath and eat and go to bed, that’s his day ruined etc!

Told him I couldn’t help my bus breaking down, I kept in touch and I had to see my Mum. I’m going out on Saturday with the girls and he mentioned that and again how much I’m taking the piss.

Im currently on a break from work to be a SAHM (I’ll be going back later this year) and I mentioned how I’m off with our children all the time, I’ve done this for our family and I won’t apologise for taking a few hours to myself as compared with me working it’s hardly anything. It was him that pushed for me to not work but obviously I do benefit too as I have lots of time with the children. The issue is that he has no social life at all. He just has plays video games so it can seem like it’s me going out all the time (I don’t) Last time I went out was 3 weeks ago and he watched the kids from 8pm - 12.30am.

Am I taking the piss? If I was working he would be “stuck with the kids” a lot more. He’s lucky surely that I’ve taken this time off, he doesn’t appreciate my being home all the time and him being able to work better hours/chose his hours.

Next week I’ve booked to see a play with a friend but now I’m anxious about telling him!

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Summerhillsquare · 20/03/2025 17:45

Hard to respect a man who resents time with his children. Is he generally old fashioned? Sounds like he thinks he's bought you as his housekeeper.

CheeseyOnionPie · 20/03/2025 17:46

Sounds like he thinks that if you’re not working at the moment that all childcare 24/7 falls to you and he shouldn’t have to do any…?

Original poster
SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 17:48

CheeseyOnionPie · 20/03/2025 17:46

Sounds like he thinks that if you’re not working at the moment that all childcare 24/7 falls to you and he shouldn’t have to do any…?

Yes probably! I worked part time (3 days per week) with travel time I was out of the house more like 24 hours per week.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 20/03/2025 17:49

Tell him that you being a SAHM isn't going to work. That it doesn't mean he gets the cream of working and home life and whining because he has to do a bit of sole parenting. So when he's digested that you'll both have a sit down and chat to see how it's going to work.

He's heading straight down the man work, woman stay at home and do everything path. I'd be telling him to fuck off.

Original poster
SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 17:49

Summerhillsquare · 20/03/2025 17:45

Hard to respect a man who resents time with his children. Is he generally old fashioned? Sounds like he thinks he's bought you as his housekeeper.

He resents being “stuck with the children” if I go anywhere.

OP posts:
TheMimsy · 20/03/2025 17:57

@SpottyDottyMoon so I’d start clocking the time he’s not engaged with the family or you outside of work. Every time he goes on a game - that’s his social time. That’s you having to be on your own or alone minding the children.

Start getting him to book in his gaming time. See how he likes it. Just because he doesn’t leave the house doesn’t mean he isn’t getting time for himself or being present for his own family unit.

this attitude won’t improve unless you communicate and deal with it now.

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 20/03/2025 17:57

What first attracted you to this obnoxious jealous loser? Fancy having a man tantrum because you met your mum!

madaffodil · 20/03/2025 17:58

SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 17:49

He resents being “stuck with the children” if I go anywhere.

Show quote history

They're HIS children too!

GatherlyGal · 20/03/2025 18:02

This is so sad OP. For you but really for the kids too.

You know it's fairly normal to leave the house occasionally and for him to be at home with his own children.

He really does see you as staff and all house and children duties your full responsibility.

He's not bringing much to the party is he?

AllTheWatersTurnedToClouds · 20/03/2025 18:08

Did he want kids?

Original poster
SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 18:08

APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 20/03/2025 17:57

What first attracted you to this obnoxious jealous loser? Fancy having a man tantrum because you met your mum!

Weirdly he was so nice about me seeing her, said how important it was to see her today, how it would make her day. It took an hour to get there and tried to be as quick as possible, I told DH as soon as I get home he can go straight up for a bath and a “relax” and I would take over with making food, bathing, bedtime routines, basically everything. I said I would be as quick as I could but he said how I always have some lame excuse and don’t use the fact that I’m not working right now as another excuse etc.

OP posts:
APATEKPHILLIPEWATCH · 20/03/2025 18:10

SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 18:08

Weirdly he was so nice about me seeing her, said how important it was to see her today, how it would make her day. It took an hour to get there and tried to be as quick as possible, I told DH as soon as I get home he can go straight up for a bath and a “relax” and I would take over with making food, bathing, bedtime routines, basically everything. I said I would be as quick as I could but he said how I always have some lame excuse and don’t use the fact that I’m not working right now as another excuse etc.

Show quote history

Surely the fact he’s not working is exactly the reason to look after the kids? Thems the rules. You choose kids then you choose the hard bit. Want a day off without kids around? Put them in nursery or wait til they’re in school. Don’t rely on the unpaid nanny you call a wife

Nowvoyager99 · 20/03/2025 18:10

Have you asked him why he doesn’t like spending time with his own children?

lestea · 20/03/2025 18:10

TBH I'm a sahm and if my dc was off sick from school I'd cancel social plans rather than get DH to stay home with them (as he works weekdays so he'd have to wfh, which is hard with sick children) Would your DH have been at work today? Also it's a shame the bus broke down but presumably you'd normally have had to be back to do school pickup, and made sure you'd be back in time (either by travelling back in plenty of time or getting a cab if travel plans went wrong).

feathermucker · 20/03/2025 18:10

Who on earth thinks you’re being unreasonable?! (Vote)

Redfred00 · 20/03/2025 18:13

He's parenting his own kids. If he didn't want to look after them he shouldn't have had them.

Original poster
SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 18:14

lestea · 20/03/2025 18:10

TBH I'm a sahm and if my dc was off sick from school I'd cancel social plans rather than get DH to stay home with them (as he works weekdays so he'd have to wfh, which is hard with sick children) Would your DH have been at work today? Also it's a shame the bus broke down but presumably you'd normally have had to be back to do school pickup, and made sure you'd be back in time (either by travelling back in plenty of time or getting a cab if travel plans went wrong).

It was his day off. I didn’t request he stay home today (DH)

OP posts:
Cucy · 20/03/2025 18:15

I thought you were going to say that you’re going out multiple times a week and not getting back until the early hours or something.

He’s BVU

Have you only recently started having more of a social life or something?

He definitely sounds jealous

SoSoLong · 20/03/2025 18:16

Was he angry because he was supposed to be working and instead had to take care of DS? Then it's a bit more understandable.

If he was off work today, then he can do his share of child minding.

Original poster
SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 18:16

SoSoLong · 20/03/2025 18:16

Was he angry because he was supposed to be working and instead had to take care of DS? Then it's a bit more understandable.

If he was off work today, then he can do his share of child minding.

No, not at all. Today was his day off.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 18:17

He was angry cos he couldn’t relax as much as he wanted on his day off and had to look after DS. (DS absolutely fine and full of beans!)

OP posts:
Ddakji · 20/03/2025 18:19

Dads don’t “watch the kids”. They parent. Only this dad clearly doesn’t want to.

thankyounextplease · 20/03/2025 18:19

If he wanted you to come home earlier he could have taken DS and gone and picked you up...

Topseyt123 · 20/03/2025 18:55

SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 17:49

He resents being “stuck with the children” if I go anywhere.

Show quote history

Have you reminded him that they are also HIS children?

I used to sometimes have to firmly remind my own DH of that. He didn't resent spending time with them, but often didn't appreciate how thinly I could be spread when three of them needed to be taken to different places all at the same time. Just a firm "Oy, you're their parent too, you can do some of this driving" was all that was usually needed.

Gymnopedie · 20/03/2025 19:04

SpottyDottyMoon · 20/03/2025 18:17

He was angry cos he couldn’t relax as much as he wanted on his day off and had to look after DS. (DS absolutely fine and full of beans!)

And I'm guessing that 'a day off' isn't something you get to enjoy?