I have a surprise for you!

[InvisibilityCloakActivated]

AIBU to think this is a horrible sentence to hear? Does anyone actually like surprises?

It is one thing when you have a birthday coming up and someone says "do you want to know what I've got you or would you rather have a surprise?" (Fine, it isnt a real surprise, I know youve got me a "thing"). But does anyone in the world appreciate a random "I have a surprise for you"? This could mean anything from "I got you a book" to "I'm coming to visit and stay with you for a month".

YABU - everyone loves not knowing the things that other people know and having no control over the thing that has been planned and about to happen.

YANBU - tell me what it is so I can plan my day/time/meals/outfit/finances/purchases accordingly and think about my reaction ahead of time.

I can’t possibly vote because ‘Everyone’ doesn’t like surprises but I do 🤷‍♀️

I love surprises. There aren't enough surprises in life, in my opinion.

Can’t stand surprises that demand anything of me. They’re rude and presumptuous.

A surprise gift? Jewellery, bunch of flowers? Lovely!

My partner often says ‘I have a surprise for you’ and it really makes my day.

I HATE surprises. It's mostly because they've been used to be horrible in the past.

This one of those things where there's no universal right or wrong, but the giver should respect the recipient's preference.

Only cunts give surprises to people who they know don't like them.

I bloody love surprises and would be thrilled if someone said this to me.

However, I am very good at boundaries and would have zero problems in refusing the surprise if I didn’t like the sound of it.

It depends on your relationship to control.

From your post it sounds like being 'in control' is pretty important to you, so it makes sense that a surprise feels like an attack.

For others, having someone else take the wheel is a delightful relief.

This isn't a yabu/yanbu thing.
Some people love surprises, some loathe them and everyone else is somewhere in the middle.

I think surprises are overrated.
A "ta dah!" lasts a microsecond and then is gone.
A "let's book book something" means weeks/months of happy planning and then anticipation. And knowing what clothing is suitable.
I'd much rather the second.

I hate surprises because they are usually misguided and end up shite.

I'd like some earrings ends up with here is a making kit when I have never shown any interest in crafts

and don't get me started on surprise parties which end up with the person being miserable all day thinking people don't care about them all for them to feel soooo freaking great they organised it all. fuck off with your surprises

small but thoughtful surprises are always good, surely? Not ones that need a big fanfare but things like a flowering pot plant for no reason other than it looks nice.

I love surprises

I am very much hoping that the lottery representative calls me with a lovely surprise about my ticket on Saturday morning.

IME when people say that it either mean they have news or it's a small token in the "I saw this and thought of you you mold". Both of which are fine.

Big surprises are usually kept quiet until the big reveal, and no absolutely not, do not do that to me.

I like surprises! But then the only people who would ever give me surprises are my lovely kids who are pretty good at understanding what I like and dislike. Any surprises that the dog comes up with are usually related to chewed 'stuff' and not quite so lovely.

Very much depends on what the surprise is and who it is that says it.

DH it could be anything from "I bought you a pack of polos" to "I found a van for sale that doesn't work but now it lives on our drive!" Or "I won £30 lso I'm buying curry" to "we won the lottery...it's a five!" or "I'm in hospital having nearly cut off my thumb" (yes I've heard variations of all those).

DD it's usually a soggy piece of bread or cake or a picture.

Parents it's usually nice, if not necessarily what I'd have chosen.

Definitely not into surprises. I think this is reflective of where I am in my life though, as basically surprises feel to me like another demand on me - to be happy/ excited/ like something/have sex/socialise etc. In the case of my husband organising one, it would primarily be coming from a place of making himself feel good.

I can see that in different circumstances I might love for someone to say 'surprise, we're going away for the weekend' and it not feel like a burden or stressful because they have also made suitable plans for kids, pets, chores etc.

Surprises which pay no regard to whatever else you might have been planning to do are obviously a bad idea. Something like a weekend away might possibly be ok if you’d discussed the fact you’d nothing going on and were going to be bored.

I quite like surprises.

My family is utterly shit at keeping secrets though, so I tend to find out ages beforehand and then have to pretend it's a complete surprise to me.

Depends...

• "I have a surprise, here it is" can be OK vs

"I have a surprise, you'll find out what it is at some point" which is not good. I can see it's meant to increase excitement but nah.

• is the surprise purely altruistic and doesn't need anything from me? A surprise bar of chocolate from my husband "just because" is always lovely. Tickets to a surprise event from a friend who wants to go with me, rarely good. As well intentioned as the friend is, it removes my choice in the matter and makes me obliged to them/to do something (even if it's a nice thing).

• is it a surprise with an expectation? No thanks. If someone got a surprise birthday gift, that means I'll feel obliged to get them one now. Too much hassle.

Reading that back, I'm a miserable sod.

There will be kids that age still breastfeeeding or seeing siblings at home breastfeed so will try recreate it with other children. Might be work speaking to teacher about boundaries / consent. Or you could teach your DS breastfeeding is a natural thing and not to judge what goes on at homec

I don't think I've ever been treated to a genuine surprise, except a few occasions over the years receiving flowers on my birthday/Mother's Day if that counts. I've always planned things like holidays, day trips, meals out etc and now I'm a widow there's not much of that going on any more.

That really would be a surprise! 😂

Yes, a "I bought you your favourite chocolate on the way home, here it is" is fine, it isnt really a surprise, it is just something that is currently happening. I'm talking about the ones that come with a big build up, eg. "I have a surprise for you for next week". With no other context or clues.