Mums 3rd wedding

[ItTakesAVillage97]

Hey so abit of background I'm 27 my partner is 29 we are expecting our first baby together I already have a son we live 5.5 hours away from my mum and her fiancé and neither of us drive. They are due to get married end of June I'm due in the beginning of September this is my mum's 3rd wedding and she's acting like it's her 1st and being rather selfish she expects us to get and pay for a train down nearing £400 aswell as find and fund our own accommodation ohh yes and we are moving house aswell as expecting a baby alot of pressure I know anyway she's made it quite difficult so far not letting me have any say on what I or my son would like to wear to this wedding and has gone ahead and ordered some funky outfits and dresses off of temu I don't know how big I'm going to be and have extremely sensitive skin on the best of days let alone whilst heavily pregnant and in the middle of summer I also just really don't want to go I don't want to travel on a train for that long time at that far pregnant I don't want to be forking out that much money when we will be so close to having a baby. This woman has been showing her true colours since the birth of my first son telling me how she was supposed to be out on a date and taking pictures of my business end after being told by me aswell as nurses not to honestly I feel like I'm loosing a battle here she already has lost contact with 2 of her sons (my brother's) and I feel like I'm starting to get to the point that I'm sick of it aswell I moved away due to DV and she's only been up to see me 4 times in 4 years I'm the one always making the effort to go there any advice would be appreciated am I being a dick please help

Don't go - tell her you wont be up to it and you won't change your mind so don't let her browbeat you. It's your life, your baby and your health. Stick to your guns!

Just don't go you can't afford it and you don't want to go because you feel you will too pregnant which is fine.

I am assuming she's in love with her partner and isn't as meh about her weddings as you are !

If you don't want to go then don't, but I don't see what's wrong with her expecting you'd pay for your own travel and accommodation.

Your brothers probably have the right idea .

If she was a loving, involved mum and grandmother, I’d say make the effort (but wear what you want). But it doesn’t sound as though she is, so if it’s too much stress both physically and financially, and you don’t want to go, then don’t.

@Coffeeishot Honestly I don't know if she's in love I've never heard her say she loves him there's no affection between the two of them and she had seen other people whilst with him it's such an odd relationship which is again why I'm so not sure about it it's just as if she's comfortable so she's doing it when she first met him all she would talk about is his money and I'm not the only person to say this it's such a confusing relationship if I'm honest

@Anxioustealady she wants me as a bridesmaid if I wanted someone as a bridesmaid at my wedding that lives 5.5 hours away I'd be paying for there travel and accommodation

Sounds far too complex for you to even think about, don't go.

@ChappellRoan really helpful cheers

Don’t go. Far too many good reasons, not least your mum taking those photos 😱.

ps absolutely don’t agree to wear toxic chemical-laden temu clothes when pregnant and with sensitive skin.

Sadly £400 would only get you 10 x 1 hour driving lessons here, at best.

I mean you powered through the post and managed a reply!

Don't go - you sound like you don't want to anyway.
Tell her now that you won't be coming - "bad timing for us Mum but have a lovely day".

@Mnetcurious it's such a weird situation I said about the outfits before as there basically pageant girl dresses with massive capes on the back bloody ridiculous and she ended up writing posts on Facebook about me and all her friends where slandering me (not the first time she's done it) people ask me if my mum is mental it's horrible she's unbelievably toxic and my partner doesn't want to go at all I don't blame him as he's only met her a hand full of times and we have been together coming up 5 years this year

Agree!

Fair enough. I didn't have bridesmaids and I didn't make demands of people or get annoyed if they couldn't attend, so it's probably a bit different.

Personally if you don't want to go, you shouldn't, and I agree with a PP about not wearing anything from Temu especially when pregnant.

It's so hard when you have a difficult relationship with your mom, and really hard to explain the dynamic to people who are close to their moms. Whatever you do, please try not to stress yourself while pregnant. If she's going to have a go when you tell her you arent coming, mute the chat and have your other half deal with it.

I think you've made a lot of excuses for why you don't want to go to the wedding but ultimately the question it sounds like you need to address is whether you want a relationship with your mum. Perhaps if you had something worth working for you would want to go to the wedding. She doesn't sound the kindest mother.

Just thought I'd add the dresses she wants me to wear bare in mind we lived and grew up on a council estate there's nothing wrong with that but we are nothing fancy at all and this is not my style in the least...

Oooof! Nah. This dress alone 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Also your mum is not right. You need to break the cycle with your own child and if that means going no contact then so be it.
You have a growing little family of your own. Focus on that.

Just tell her you cannot make it this time, but you will be at the next one🤭