Confidence knocked on the road this evening how to move past it

[FishCake17]

I am a new driver. Today, I had a motor bike in front of me and there was a few cars up a bit further ahead. I was driving the speed limit whilst giving the motor bike in front space. I had a man in the car behind me tailgating extremely dangerously close to my car. He was doing this for a while up the road and slamming his breaks on, I looked in the mirror and it looked like he was going to hit my car a few times he was that close and he didn’t back off. I felt really nervous and it put me on edge. We then approached some traffic lights (cross roads). A few cars in front again and the motorbike. It turned to green, the cars in front went straight ahead, I was turning right, so was the motor bike. I indicated that I was turning right and moved off but held back to allow the motor bike to do his turn, all of a sudden the tailgater moved over a bit to my right as I was doing my turn, looking like he was trying to cut me up and turn in front of me. I turned as I’d already started to and he went back in. He then tailgated some more, I looked in my mirror and he was waving his arms around and shouting. Again, I was just doing the speed limit and still had the motor bike infront so there was no where I could go anyway. The motor bike started slowing so I did and I looked in my mirror again, and he shouted ‘what the fuck are you doing’ with an aggressive look on his face. I indicated and safely turned off then down a side road because I didn’t want him behind me anymore. He then preceded to turn his head to follow my car and I watched him glare at me through the mirror. It’s knocked my confidence as a new driver, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, just going at the speed limit, and I had other vehicles infront anyway so I couldn’t speed up or go anywhere even if I could have. How can I move on and not let this effect my confidence?

With kindness you’re going to get far worse than this on the roads. Save your confidence losing for the real issues. Don’t take it to heart but new drivers do tend to dawdle about a bit sometimes and it can be quite frustrating being stuck behind one. It sounds like he either couldn’t see the bike so couldn’t see why you were being so hesitant or the bike was faffing about a bit and a more confident driver probably would have just overtaken the bike at some point and he was possibly just frustrated that you didn’t. That doesn’t excuse aggressive driving but honestly you are going to get far worse than this on the road so try to forget about it and move on. Chances are you’ll never encounter him again but you 100% are going to encounter others like him and far worse so brace yourself. Just get straight back out again and get as much experience as you can. Stuff like this is going to happen all the time. Last week I was sat behind a woman who didn’t understand how a filter system worked so she just sat at the lights while everyone else had to manoeuvre around her every time her lanes light went green. She was the one shaking her head and shouting at everyone else because she thought everyone else was in the wrong, while she just blocked the whole junction like an idiot so nobody could get past. You’ll learn there are some drivers you just don’t want to be stuck behind 😂

It's awful especially when you're bit nervous as a new driver but you were doing everything right. My driver instructor used to say 'just ignore the arsehole behind us ' when someone did this, and once I passed I did the same to keep myself calm when aholes pressured me, although when in car alone definitely more sweary! Made me feel better!

As others have said he's better infront of you so if you feel better, pull over/turn off and let him past.
It does get better, youll become more confident but you will still meet them all the time. Id also suggest getting front/rear dashcams so you can prove their bad driving if needed to (hopefully you'll never need to!)

Keep going x x 🚗

Logically this should increase your confidence as you faced a difficult situation and dealt with it without any physical damage. Flip it mentally!

There will always be idiots; your job is to stay calm and do your best to ameliorate any danger.

Welcome to driving!

I find it helps me to assume they are having some emergency thing going on. They are almost certainly impatient knob heads, who will probably run someone over later on, but it’s better for me to feel like less of a victim and to think of them as poor stressed people and I am generously and benevolently coping with their panicked driving.

I feel less stressed anyway. And then I can drive better.
i don’t think these people realise their selfish behaviour really knocks you off your focus and shakes you up, then you’re more likely to make a mistake. Find a way to let it run off you, whatever works for you.

Sadly it's not just men. It is more likely to be men but not solely men.

It isn't you it is him, he will drive like this with everyone. There are lots of dash cam compilation videos on youtube showing horrific attitudes to other road users. My advice would be to get a dash cam fitted so that if anyone does backend you you can prove the driving conditions at the time. Both Dh and I have one in our cars. The dash cam compilations are a good thing to watch as a new driver because you can see a pattern of where drivers mess up, pulling out from junctions, roundabouts with lane discipline or driving onto the roundabout when they shouldn't and bad overtakes on country roads being the top 3. Positioning of your car to others on roundabouts can save you being swiped.

The best advice I can give is to ignore that sort of behaviour and concentrate on your driving and not getting distracted.

I came to driving later in life and for the first couple of years I would react like you did. My DH was really good at keeping me calm, he'd always instruct me not to let the person behind push me along, in fact to slow if they were getting too close and put my hazards on.

Some drivers are just maniacs and it is very unnerving. I was driving on a two lane road recently with a rubbish truck up ahead. They stopped so I slowed and stopped too hitting my hazards for the driver behind. They were halfway into the hard shoulder but I still couldn't overtake without getting into the other lane which was flying as most people were turning right up ahead. I was watching the wing mirror but no break in the traffic.

A lorry approached from behind blaring his horn. I had nowhere to go! If he thought it was safe to pull into the right lane he could have done that himself. He then sat behind me blaring the horn. We moved off, I did get into the right hand lane to avoid getting stuck again and so did he. I moved back and he overtook Further up the road we all got stopped again for another reason and he sat there blaring his horn and shouting out the window at me.

Me too. I’m a new driver and this is what my instructor advised. Let the tailgating dickhead overtake if he wants. Happens a lot unfortunately and it is ALWAYS ALWAYS a man.

See also: beeping horn behind you if you don’t move off the nano-second traffic lights turn to green.

Driving would be so much safer and more pleasant if men were kept off the roads.

I've been driving for a long time and the best two pieces of advice my granddad gave me when I passed my test were:

Slow down, and
Remember he's the one behind you and so you can safely ignore him for most of the time. Concentrate on you and what's in front of you.

And one of mine:

If he's in that much of a hurry and such a big man then he can overtake.

Just keep on driving OP - ignore the dickheads, there's enough of them around.

The only thing I’d have done differently to you would be to pull in somewhere like a supermarket rather than going down a side street. It’s wrong that you should have to do that but it’s less likely to escalate if you’re somewhere busy.

Have you got ‘P’ plates on your car? If so, take them off. It only attracts this type of behaviour.
Unfortunately, drivers like this usually say more about themselves than they do you.

If it happens again, find a safe place to pull over and let him past. It’s not worth the grief.
Ultimately, don’t let this experience put you off. You’re going to have to handle much more of this over the years, and sadly it’s only something time and experience can help with in terms of confidence.

Unfortunately people (and I say that loosely as it is mostly men) seem to think the roads are a race track that needs to be navigated as quickly as possible.

If you get a tailgater, slow down, stay calm and let them past when safe to do so.

Get a dash cam.

Also watch the dash cam videos online, they really do show what driving is really like and help predict a bit more what could happen.

Although, I saw one once where it started the same as you describe. Motorbike in front, aggressive car behind. This car then suddenly pulls out and does an aggressive overtake and cut up of the cam car. Sadly, clearly hadn't seen the motorbike was there and just thought the cam car was keeping an unreasonable size gap and he plowed into the motorbike.

The lesson, when you drive, assume everyone else is a shit driver and drive defensively.

Better to get there late than not get there at all is the mantra I drive by.

You were correct in what you did. He was not. Sadly some people (mostly men) behave like this and sometimes it is easier to get out of their way down a side road. They are not invested in the the ruling that pedestrian safety first followed by cyclist, motor cyclist, car, lorry etc I’m also considering a dash cam for back and front.

@FishCake17 so many dickhead drivers on the road - mainly men and more so if you’re female and/or in a “female” car.

I used to have a fiat 500 and DH had a much bigger SUV thing - I took the SUV one day as I was getting a load of stuff from ikea and I couldn’t believe how much less hassle I got from male drivers, despite driving the same. In my fiat, they were always tailgating on the dual carriageway, trying to get me to go faster (despite me doing the speed limit), but in the SUV, the lack of driving aggression was so noticeable!

Now I just ignore and if I’m on a road that lets me, I pull over and let anyone really aggressively driving go past.

On a tangent, I find driving so stressful these days. Probably might be my advancing age, but everyone seems less courteous on the roads, rushing to get anywhere, so many roadworks and potholes - and don’t get me started on the retina-burning LED nights at night!

Try not to let it destroy your confidence @FishCake17

Advise ! Concentrate what’s in front of u !
And take no notice of drivers behind because if u bang into someone cus u not concentrating it will be your fault ! Same as if angry man bumps into u it will be his own fault im not saying don’t check mirrors because u should but don’t pay to much attention to actual drivers what their doing behind u x x x

I agree with previous posters regarding dash cams you would be amazed how many times ive clicked that they have seen my camera by how much they increase their distance from the back of my car. I know it can be hard as a new driver to feel pressured but just keep in your mind that its not them that will receive points or possibly be involved in an accident if you did do a risky manoevure or sped because of them so just carry on being a safe driver and let them risk their licence.

I've seen some aggressive women drivers as well. OP, you did well to drive on throughout that episode. Get a dashcam as suggested above to protect yourself, and get out driving again.

You shouldn't do that, just carry on at the same speed.

Honestly you did the right thing. If I can pull over for someone like that I will as makes my life easier but sometimes they just have to lump it. Don’t let them change how you are driving. There are always people in a rush. One of the best things I did was take a defensive driving course (was offered through work) lots of little tips to help create space, allow yourself escape room and ignore the idiots

There are a lot of people who can only see the car in front of them and not their surroundings or further ahead of them, they are generally very poor drivers and often obnoxious too. If he had hit you , he would have been entirely to blame, regardless of what the two cells in his special man brain might have thought !

not a good idea, you need to see your rear view even if it’s annoying, the Highway Code does not say “turn your mirror away”

It only needs to be a clear rear view which can be done with the wing mirrors if they are correctly positioned