For him not to bring her presents

[Wonderfulworldm]

DD's birthday today and is 12. Hasn't seen Dad on her own for 13 months. I have facilitated contact for them on spite of my feelings.

She hasn't been into his house for a while due to some behavior on his part. He got angry and lost it, not at them but has scared DD.

She has said she doesn't want to go to his house but I arranged a breakfast meet up with him before school and an extended family meal after school with my family and his.

He has turned up to both and not brought a present or card. He has said to her he won't bring them to her she has to go to his house. He sent her a picture tonight after we got home and said, presents are here when you want to come round.

What sort of parent doesn't even bring their child a card and puts conditions on birthday presents.

He's made a 12yr old girls birthday about him and what he wants.
That's a poor show and extremely petty.

I can see why he's your ex. A really nasty thing to do to your DD.

Your poor dd. That's really rubbish and controlling of her dad.

A shit parent. That’s who does that. So stop “helping” dd accept less than she is worth and facilitating contact that she doesn’t want and is probably quite right to. She doesn’t owe him a relationship.

My dad did something similar - haven't seen him.for 15 years... 🤔

So he wants to bribe her to his house. How utterly pathetic. I wouldn't faciliate contact tbh.

I’m afraid my ex did very similar op and wouldn’t give them their presents unless they went round to his. None of them have anything to do with him any more. People like this are controlling arseholes. I’m so sorry 💐

It's emotional blackmail. Stop overriding your DDs totally healthy instincts and boundaries by insisting she has contact with him. You're teaching her to grow up tolerating this shite from men. It doesn't matter that his anger wasn't directed at her. He's an angry man, clearly, she saw that and recognised it for the red flag it is and reacted accordingly. You're minimising it though, your post stops just short of saying she's unreasonable to feel scared and not want to be around him after witnessing that. Your actions suggest that she needs to get over it. She really doesn't.

He made her birthday all about himself, but so did you centre him too by arranging the meetups that day. If she wanted to spend her birthday with only you or with friends, you should have listened. If she wants a relationship with other family members a meetup could have happened on another day, if she didn't want to do it on her birthday.

I have facilitated contact for them on spite of my feelings.

It's time to stop. By continuing this you are going into emotionally abusive territory that will affect your child into adulthood and beyond. There's a reason why she won't see him on his own. There's a reason why she won't go to his house. But you aren't listening to what she is trying to say and keep facilitating the meets, why? A court/judge would listen to her feelings now she's 12 and it's highly likely she wouldn't be forced to see him if he tries to take you to court.

And yes, he's an abusive, manipulative, controlling man but that is why he's an ex partner. Help your DD make him an ex-dad by dropping the rope.

Oh, and did he send her a picture to her phone or yours? If it's hers then block him on the SM apps so he can't send photos - he can text her instead. Unless she wants him fully blocked but daren't ask you?

I hope she had a lovely birthday despite him 🎂🍧

Unless she wants contact stop facilitating it. He thinks it’s ok to try to emotionally manipulate her on her birthday what an awful person.

I disagree. He sounds awful but OP is rightly and sensibly doing her best to ensure her DD keeps up some contact with her father in a safe place, and keeps up contact with his family. She hasn't said DD doesn’t want to see any of them at all.

OP should be praised for acting like the mature adult in this difficult situation, not blamed.

"rightly and sensibly" keep contact with a toxic person she doesn't want to see? Nope. He's abusive and her DD wants out of that relationship. Nothing right or sensible about forcing her to maintain it. Family or not, toxic people are toxic. I didn't say the DD didn't want a relationship with the rest of them, that's why I said if. I'll always blame a parent teaching their DC to tolerate abusive behaviour, that type of parenting messes people up.

Horrible, spiteful behaviour from him.

Thanks all.
He actually turned up somewhere he knew we were going to be today and said he had her presents in his car. She said great can I take them and he said no I want to see you open them. She stood at his car boot and opened them!!