To ask for Reassuring stories of Autistic Girls starting secondary school

[Smellslikeburnttoat]

DD2 will start secondary in September. It is an outstanding school, her NT sister is already there and doing well. She was diagnosed with autism last year.

pls share any positive stories you have about your children with autism starting secondary school and successfully working through the change. And anything you did that helped.

keep reading stories of school refusal and I’m worried. Primary school has been broadly fine with no issues and she gets above average grades and enjoys learning. Her issues are all social and emotional.

But I’m so anxious.

No words of advice but I’m in the same boat @Smellslikeburnttoat so have a reassuring hand squeeze. Not looking forward to Sept. Does your DD have any transition days with her new school?

Yes she will do thankfully. How does your DD find primary school?

It’s a mixed bag. She struggles a lot with change (it’s a 1.5 form entry and they mix some classes/move classrooms for some subjects and she hates not having the same place every time, for example, and the last day of term is awful because every teacher she ever has is the best teacher ever and she doesn’t want to leave them) and the general hubbub. School gave her ear defenders but they were stolen and haven’t been replaced and she didn’t like the feel of them anyway 🙄 at school she’s quite sociable with her particular group, but not so much in situations outside school and I worry about her making new friends next year. What about yours? Is her primary school quite small? The jump from a tiny primary to a 1000 pupil secondary would scare most kids I think! It would scare me 😁

Her school is three form entry so not tiny. But still a big jump. She’s been basically fine until the last year when she’s had more issues but they haven’t actually been school specific. Thankfully we have a great psychologist who I am hoping we can use as needed when secondary hits…

Mine is in year eight now, was diagnosed in year five, enhanced transition really helped and she actually likes the familiarity and routine of the timetable at secondary, has met a couple of like-minded friends etc
i’ve had to get onto the Sen team a couple of times (she doesn’t have an EHCP but is on the register) school overall have been supportive about adjustments, for example no cold calling in lessons as this makes her anxious.
It’s early days yet, I’m a mental health professional and work with a lot of older teens who are autistic and have trauma from school, so don’t want to count any chickens, but so far so good and I was very worried about her before starting in terms of the wheels falling off. Good luck. I’d say the things that made the real difference is enhance transition, extra school visits, all of the teachers being aware of her needs and mental health support where necessary

Thank you so much for sharing your valuable insights @Thischarmlessgirl and pleased to hear things are going well for your family

We wrote to the senco before we started and like others that triggered enhanced transition and a personalised tour of the school. Hers is 7 form entry so big but grammar so probably more ND kids and generally better behaved environment.

Things that have helped are having a hall pass so she can leave class esp if sensory overwhelm kicks in e.g. music classes. She has loop ear buds to reduce noise in class and hallway - we bought those. She uses noise cancelling headphones for hallways and sometimes in class and sometimes listens to music to concentrate. All of this is authorised with the school.

Teachers ask where she prefers to sit - front, back, near window etc.

Lots of little adjustments make a massive difference to her experience which is overwhelmingly positive. She has termly reviews with the senco and we have annual ones.

She has found a fantastic group of like minded quirky friends and is very happy for the most part. As much as any teenager is.

My daughter’s school have been very accommodating, more so than primary. They’ve offered various adjustments and have a SEN forum for parents regularly. The transition was also managed well with various options for visiting and settling in.
We found fatigue was the biggest factor at the beginning, mentally and physically.

Good Luck

Thank you SO MUCH @Thesoundofmusic23and @Therealmetherealmefor these insights

My daughter is autistic diagnosed in year 7. She has been actually happier in secondary school. It's been easier to find like minded friends and she sticks out less than she did at primary (got picked on a bit there). SEN and pastoral team have been very supportive. She has a pass so she can leave class 5 mins early so she doesn't have to contend with busy corridors and 5 mins early at the end of the day (she finds lots of noise overwhelming). She can go to the SEN team if she is feeling overwhelmed. Overall she has blossomed at secondary!

I don't have any words of wisdom but just wanted to say we're in the same boat and it's really daunting. Between the pressure of SAT's (not from us or school, DD puts herself under a lot of pressure!) and anxiety about the transition to secondary, Year 6 has been tricky so far. New school seems very supportive and has great reputation for working with ND kids but it's the social side I'm nervous about. For various reasons her closest friends are all going to different secondary schools so she's worried about making new friends.

As an undiagnosed autistic teenager in the 80s, my all girls grammar was an absolute bloody haven for me (and it's why even as a committed socialist I have to defend grammar schools). I was bullied horribly by the boys in primary ("Swot! Four eyes!" All the classics 🙄) and by contrast secondary was this amazing relaxed environment full of spoddy weirdoes like me.

My daughter has fared better socially at secondary as there are simply more kids - more choice of friends when things go wrong - and she’s fully committed herself to fitting in. Academically not so great!

Mine started in September and she is loving it. School are happy to make adjustments, she has a helper in some classes and is able to leave class if it gets too hectic. One teacher has taken her under her wing and become her mentor. She's doesn't have a massive friend group but is still coming home happy. She needs about 30 minutes on her own after school to wind down.

Been through this recently.
Gradually additional support was added. I pushed.

What's helped the most was developing a relationship with a trusted adult. This is via weekly sessions. Also a pass she can use to go to the wellbeing/ special needs area at any time.
Also regular contact with school. Emotional resilience group sessions.
Initially I got her moved to a calmer form class.