desperatelyseekingsomeclarification ·
19/03/2025 13:05
Name changed for this, and long to give context. But main question at the top. Please help! I hope I'm posting in the correct place.
If you take a child on holiday/abroad whereby they miss their court allocated days with the other parent, do you have to make up 'ALL' the time they are away? It's my understanding that you don't have to and are able to holiday for up to 4 weeks, although of course in the interest in the child, you should be as flexible as possible.
AIBU to take our child on holiday and not make up the entire time away?
Yes - you need to make up all the time
No - you are allowed holidays
Help oh wise Mumsnetters. My ex and I are fairly fresh out of family court hell. For context we have a DS3 who has always lived with me. Never with his Dad, and we have never lived together. We live about 1.5 hours travel distance apart.
My ex is what I would describe as very literal. Communication is hard/impossible. We have a new court order whereby he has been given an increased amount of nights starting from when we are due to be away.
Previously it was one overnight night every other weekend. So will be a big step up.
I am about to take DS on holiday, with ex's permission for just under two weeks to stay with family to a European country where DS and I are dual citizens. However ex is demanding that I must make up 'all' the days he will miss whilst we are away under the new order, and threatening me with breach of the order, revoking travel permission.
I don't think this is right. Can someone please clarify?
It's my understanding that you are able to take a child away on holiday. Of course I would want to be flexible and make changes to ensure he sees his dad before we go and when we're back and additionally wherever possible, but I am not obligated to 'make ALL the time up', or am I?
Last time I was away with DS, also with ex's permission was almost 10 months ago and he didn't have overnights with him at that stage. We had no issues then.
This is turning very acrimonious quickly and I want to focus on DS3's happiness as a priority but ex is focusing on 'his days' which he is demanding back only when it suits him.
DS3 struggles with change and I'm trying to prepare him (and myself). We now have to navigate the future and possible next 15 years and try to co-parent successfully whilst ensuring the happiness and wellbeing of our DS.
This has always been my issue. Ex has wanted to parent only on his terms, when it suits him and anything else he tells me he 'doesn't have to do'. This is now worse since the court order which has basically given him more than he wanted, all on his terms, and if stuck to literally, will take away my ability to even work my part time contracted hours which I negotiated hard for, after being forced to give up full time work due to lack of childcare. Think different pick up drop of times on alternating weeks scenario. But that's probably a whole other thread's worth.
Ex is demanding he has DS continuously for several days when we are back. As in, going from one overnight a fortnight, to having him 5 nights straight without access to me. Then home to me, for his nursery days, then back to his Dad. I know DS will not be ok with that sudden transition, especially coming straight from being away from home. I'm already half preparing to come back early if DS asks to come home, though I have flights I can't change.
Please can someone advise on how they would navigate this?
In an ideal world we would move back the start of the new court order until we're back from holiday but ex is literal and won't entertain the concept as 'he is tied to the order and can't change it'.
Help!