3 year old regressing with everything

[blingy34]

Food. Sleep. General behaviour. Everything is a battle. Just turned 3 and I get that she is probably testing boundaries but my god it’s exhausting.

We still co sleep and I need to get her in her own bed but I haven’t the strength to battle that at the moment. She won’t eat meals and just demands yoghurts or ice cream which sometimes I’m ashamed to say I give in to just so she’s eating something. Despite getting in bed with me during the night she used to go down well in her own bed but now it’s screaming fits every night.

We tried potty training recently and abandoned that after repeatedly facing tantrums and defiant refusal to even try the potty. I just feel like I’m failing with everything at the moment with her. She won’t even go for a walk anymore, just screams to get in the buggy.

Her behaviour at nursery is apparently pretty good but with me she is such hard work. Advice? Solidarity? Reassurance it will pass?

Three year olds are tough. Maybe pick one achievable target and not focus on anything else. It sounds like a lot of changes all at once and you’re both feeling overwhelmed by it all.

e.g. pick a short distance to take her for a walk to do a fun task like post a letter. Then gradually increase the distance. Lots of praise for being good (which I’m sure you already do!).

Has she been checked for hypermobility? Sometimes that can be why they hate walking far as it’s painful.

Any big changes at home? When did she start nursery?

No nothing. And she started nursery when I went back to work at just under a year old so that’s not new.

She was unwell with a nasty cough and I put a lot of this down to that but she’s been better for a while now and still the behaviour is going on.

It's not regression, it's her personality and independence asserting itself. That's a good thing!

Pick the battles that are most important to you and hold your ground. Stay calm and in control- I know easier said than done.

No, this is your dinner. There is no yogurt or ice cream today. Eat what you want and stop when you're full.

If you want her sleeping in her own bed then stick to that too.

I really believe kids feel happier and safer knowing exactly where they are, and having some choices but not too much power.

Unruffled, Respectful Parenting by Janet Lansbury is really really good for this kind of stuff.

Toddlers are hard work and my first one gave me PTSD - screaming, tantrums, food, sleep, dressing, showering…everything! But a very clever little thing. Everything was a battle. My second was a completely different story and it was my evidence that I’m not a bad parent. One thing I would say is that mine turned out to be neurodiverse so keep an eye out for this. All the extreme issues were due to that and once we knew, we were able to adapt how we parent her. Life changed for us for the better as we adjusted our expectations and changed our parenting to match her needs. I’m not saying this is the case for you, but just something to consider.

You’ve got a strong minded young lady! That’s not necessarily a bad thing at all but it might make your life hard.

I don’t have much helpful to say other than to support because toddlers are fucking hard. With my son, we just stopped taking the buggy when he turned 2 unless I was navigating an airport with him solo (my parents live abroad) - this may or may not be possible for you of course, we only do a short 30 minute walks (15 if I’m on my own 😑) to get somewhere or fun nature walks in various places, I’m not having to navigate long school runs or lots of public transportation so I’m aware it may not be possible.