To want a Country Living lifestyle?

[meditatingwithdolly]

This is lighthearted. I've had a series of unfortunate events in the last year and have moved to a very deprived area with a lot of social problems, which is probably causing me to fantasise a bit more than usual. Subscribed to Country Living magazine on a whim as it was very heavily discounted. One of the highlights of the month is hearing it fall on the doorstep and I have to grab it quickly before it gets stolen. It provides wonderful escapism, the sky is blue all year around, everyone is sooo happy washing rocks in rivers and the animals are never PITAs, unlike my pets. No one ever has money problems, and the cost of living is an afterthought as sustainability and self-equilibrium are the utmost priority.

Women have lovely, fulfilling jobs that "they stumbled upon entirely by accident" eg Jilly, who was always very frustrated by the lack of solar heated plant pots for her oriental orchids that she fell in love with on her travels in SE Asia, and one day whilst walking her collie-cross dog Shep in her 50 acre paddock, she stepped in wild horse dung and had the wonderful idea to give up her full time job and start a sustainable business making her own handmade pots from dung. She did the completely obvious thing of untying her neck scarf, filling it up with as much dung as she could find, and carried it back to her 6th century renaissance 12 bedroom house, where her husband Robert greeted her with a warm smile at the site of her Dick Whittington style knapsack, and immediately started building her a cosy workshop-cum-snug where she hosts the local edible flower supper club 3 nights a week, when she's not up to her elbows in excrement. She had no idea if her £199 pots would take off, and was most shocked when she had 10,000 orders in her first week.

No one needs a business plan or a budget, peace of mind and a sense of zen is much more important than bringing in a wage. Forty two year old Carol was so stressed by her teaching job that she just handed in her notice and planted 40,000 carrots in her small holding. Originally intended to be a business, Carol admits sheepishly that she's so fond of each one (who she has given names to) that she cannot bear to part with them. "My husband Marcus jokes that they are my babies", she laughs, "but in reality it's true. These carrots have regulated my sensory nervous system, which the daily grind of work had just worn away. I simply had to give in to what my body was telling me. Watching each and every one of them grow and develop their own little personalities is nature's way of giving back to me".

First world problems keep these people awake at night, such as 31 year old Jackie, who couldn't find curtains for the nursery that reflected the personality of her unborn son. "I really sensed that he he felt a deep connection with the Ottoman empire, and I was just flabbergasted at the lack of relevant material on the market", she laments. At 39 weeks, she jumped upon a flight to Istanbul, after having a dream that the perfect print was in Topkapi Palace. "Everyone thought I was utterly mad", she laughs, but when she was hypnotized by the Turkish style tulip motif tiles in the palace state room, baby Freddie shot out of her uterus, confirming to her that this was the perfect print for the nursery. Three hours after giving birth she opened her business designing bespoke curtains for equally distressed parents-to-be. "They understood the stress as they were undergoing the same thing. Being able to relate to them really helped me zone into what it was that they really wanted. Sometimes words aren't enough, you have to be able to finely tune stress signals others are giving out in order to see their vision". Jackie (and baby Freddie) now work out of her garden studio, and she has been commissioned by the Royal Family to produce the perfect print for sash window in King Charles' water closet. "Every morning I wake up with a warmth that radiates throughout my body, and I love that Freddie has input in my work, this is all because of him, really".

AIBU to want to a job like this? Where everything is a lovely colour and all the materials are made of earthen clay and rare plant dyes? No money problems, no annoying customers, no bins that haven't been lifted by the council (there's no need for a bin anyway, all rubbish is fully compostable). Do people really have a business where people pay to meditate with sheep, or is Country Living an entertaining work of fiction?

And I used to live the lifestyle with hens running about in and out of the house (not the pony though, I'm not mad!). You know what you get with hens running around? Shit on the armchair and beakmarks in the butter.

And a cat with PTSD from the absence of a safe space away from the murderous little velociraptors and not being able to call any mouse his own.

Slough! 🤣🤣

sigh I still want the countryliving life

Oh to be worrying about shopping in tesco instead of how I can afford to get on the house ladder!

I'm back again folks, angry rather than wistfully daydreaming of my potential CL lifestyle. I've been very busy in (very unfulfilling, stressful, low paid) work lately so I'm behind in my CL reading. Opened the May edition, and got the RAGE about a couple who have a cashmere goat farm "among a smorgasbord of native flowers and grasses" somewhere in Scotland. As if that isn't anger inducing enough, they never planned their career of combing goats, it HAPPENED BY ACCIDENT, and not only are these goats a wonderful, wholesome money earner, they do "outreach work" with children and anyone else mad enough to pay to have a goat sitting on their knees so they can weep. Imagine spending your days doing lovely "work" like that, then in your spare time knitting hand warmers that you sell for the price of a terrace in Darlington. And if you are not already frothing at the mouth with contempt and envy, the neighbours "rally round to knit the goats jumpers". WHY ON EARTH ARE MY NEIGHBOURS NOT DOING THIS, INSTEAD OF SMOKING WEED?
Oh, and a lovely duo who started their wallpaper printing business (they only work on a Monday!) after being inspired by a cucumber salad. Of course one of them had a massive barn they inherited from Henry VIII that they were able to set up shop in, and the other conveniently had a degree in interior design.

@Sminty2 May I recommend you watch Midsomer Murders "The Great and The Good" as your village sounds vaguely familiar. 😁

There should be a separate part in the online library, Press Reader or similar.

I just wanted to add to this as I do live in a little hamlet but my own life isn't at all magazine like... ( I work at IKEA instead!) BUT I HAVE A NEIGHBOUR WHO HAS A CHEESE ROOM.
YES, a room in his actual house, JUST FOR CHEESE that he makes and sells in some little artisan place in nearby posho town

Absolutely living the (Jinny at Finmory, ish) dream this week... painting (with real paints, not digitally for a change) very airy fairy watercolour and line drawings for some executivey suity types that want a 'real artist' for the project... (They do sell for marginally more than Jinnys horse paintings, still not enough to live off entirely!)

I mean, I do this listening to my neighbour shout at her child and boyfriend (and in Polish.. ffs, so I have NO clue what is actually being said and it is merely disruptive rather than entertaining)... and smell her cooking very mouthwatering rather comforting school dinner smelling things...

With a more distant soundtrack of the housing estate behind me (big dogs angry barking and loud LOUD engines.. lovely)...

Rather than the gentle baaing of artisan rare breed goats, or the peaceful wilderness sounds of a distant scottish island.

And in an ex council terrace.. not a pretty little cottage (with endless solid outbuildings to use as studio space).

Ho hum. Nearly there Widdlin, nearly there.

I wish I could afford to live where my Dad lives - he's up the road from a vinyard and one of his closest neighbours is the Bearded Plant guy on Tiktok/Insta/etc. Alas, it is not to be, I do not have a local government pension paying more than my wage on retirement.

Note to self - have cucumber salad for lunch. It must be worth a try...

Other note to self - acquire very rich husband with a name like Jolyon

Yes, absolutely this. I also know someone who was in it, looking glorious, along with her glorious house, but a lot of work had gone into prepping both glories, the story (understandably) omitted key, more problematic elements of her life, and it was done, as you say, to attract business for her upmarket catering company. But it was every bit as much of a business venture as sending out CV, despite looking deceptively, gorgeously casual.

My bitter soul needs to hear things like this now. I'd love for one of the goat combers or mushroom brushers to do a confession/tell all story. There was an episode of Rich House Poor House once and the 'poor' husband got a lot of online rap, he started a thread on here saying how it was all staged.

This is where you are going wrong. You don't eat the salad, you admire it and loudly declare that it would make a lovely wallpaper. A random passerby who conveniently heard, and is/was of course an interior designer then approaches you and says "do you want to make wallpaper?" and obviously you completely trust this total stranger and give her access to your family barn, complete with inherited paint pigments, and hey presto! a very successful business that you only need to work on once a week.

But the question must be asked, how did Jolyon become rich by weaving fishing baskets/carving panpipes/designing shepherd hut curtains out of old boat sails? I do wonder if this is what is meant by 'private school confidence?' Me, with my mere STEM postgrad and logical brain would never in a million years think anyone would even buy a lampshade repurposed from Victorian mill girls' tights, let alone spend £750 doing so.

I once went to Daylesford with an American, and had to explain the difference between the CEO of JCB getting a peerage, and landed gentry. That was fun. Everyone looked absolutely Cuntry Living picture perfect and we had a great time imagining their perfect lives.

Apologies if it's been mentioned but this property website is a real Cuntry Living vibe (if you filter out the London properties) https://www.inigo.com/all-homes

Jolyon's parents were of the school of thought that it does children good to be bored - instruct the staff to leave them a packed lunch and some homemade ginger beer and then they can roam the grounds fighting scurrilous spies and discovering great grandma's secret treehouse - only Jolyon didn't like the way a caterpillar looked at him and wandered off to where the strange foreign people were sat camped outside a medieval barn behind the ha-ha, instantly learned their language and taught him the 10 year apprenticeship skills by Wednesday High Tea so he could teach them to read and run an entire crew of sallow eyed, barefoot children assembling his designs by Friday.

Jolyon then spent his Gap Year educating children in the craft somewhere in India/China/Peru so that they can have a hobby and some pocket money to feed their dear old mother - it's so great, as children have little hands and are so grateful for the opportunity to work 19 hours a day.

And then he comes back and spend his time 'designing' stuff for the happy foreign children to make.

I follow one called Pony Pals or something similar she has about 4 small kids and horses ducks and chickens literally inside the house, it’s ramshackle in a charming way, the kids all ride bareback with no shoes or hats, and are all showjumping about at like 3 years old, they all need a good haircut and bath in that vair posh way and I swear the oldest goes to a posh school. No idea how they actually make any money I feel the husband has a decent job but you never really see him. People literally worship her on there !

I have just discovered this thread which is a shame as it's exactly my vibe.

The thing about animals in the house is the poo. I allowed myself to be influenced into giving it a go once and it was terrible for the carpet. Think the trick is probably ancient slab floors and a cleaner.

I don’t much like goats. Always thought of them as less useful Machiavellian sheep. One once ate my map on a DofE expedition.

I’ve also now discovered the woman with horses in the kitchen- do neither of the adults work (I know she’s a writer now but what about the bloke)? There was also a fabulous reel about them doing their house up and turns out they renovated three beautiful outbuildings to live in before they even started on the main house (come stable). All looking like the pages of CL (tastefully frayed kilim, baskets to go astride the horse, clothes drying on the Aga etc).

And as for inigo, why is there a trend for making most of the (beautiful) houses look like they’ve been staged to resemble Wuthering Heights/ little Dorrit (especially those bloody awful kids bedrooms with iron beds straight out of a Victorian workhouse and an eiderdown which looks like it would give you tics). I suspect it’s so that they get acclimatised to boarding school early or so that the kids would rather stay at Gordonstoun or go to their mates houses (with a divan bed and an x box) the next time there is an exeat.

Like this- straight out of the turn of the screw. And this one is on the softer end of the scale as it has curtains, a carpet and some bunting with which to strangle the governess.

Goodness me no! Jolyon has inherited a substantial trust fund and has some sort of job in The City with bonuses in the region of a couple of mill each year!

I am the one who runs a business making fishing nets out of spider webs.

Do keep up!

I do wonder if the Inigo interiors are actually carefully curated by the firm…in parts…They all look very similar?

When the children aren't in a photo shoot they are probably chained to that bed 😂