To feel self conscious about meeting because of weight gain?

[Stanwyck]

This is going to sound daft. Basically I’ve gone from a size 8/10 to a size 16 since I left school. Lately I’m eating better and exercising more but it’s slow progress. I’m hourglass so carry it ok but I feel big.

So I had an English teacher I loved at school. He believed in me and told me I could be an author if I set my mind to it and to never give up. This year I was offered a publishing deal.

I’ve just found out he’s going to the same event as me in a few days, 16 years after I was his student! And all I can think about is all the weight I’ve put on, what he’d think and how crushed I’d feel if he didn’t recognise me. AIBU?

I seriously have considered not going which is worse.

Please go!!

I'd hazard a guess that he has also changed physically in 16 years as have a lot of us.

You've changed from a girl to a woman in that time. I'm sure he would be absolutely over the moon to hear about your achievement and that it was his words of encouragement that gave you the confidence to pursue your career in writing.

Just have an opener " Hi Mr Chipps, remember me? @Stanwyck from your English class At Grange Hill Comp. You won't believe this but I've got a publishing deal and I really want to say it was your belief in me that was part of my success, so thank you." And then breathe...

Well flipping done!

I do understand how you feel. And in that situation I would want to look like the past version of myself as well. But you can’t get down to a size 10 before the event and it’s definitely not a good reason to miss it.
It will be wonderful to see eachother again and discuss your achievement and have that moment together. A great opportunity. You might not get the chance again. Wear some great shoes and put your best foot forward!!

As an overweight person I totally get how you feel.

but please go. Don’t be nervous.

he will be so so proud of you and probably can’t wait to see you. Your weight won’t even occur to him.

well done you!

YANBU OP. I had a similar weight gain and know how it feels

I know the feeling, but if you don't go you'll regret it for the rest of your life. He may not recognise you after sixteen years. You might not recognise him.

I completely understand this. A few months ago, I’d gone up to a 14 (and on the upper end) and I felt embarrassed even to see my close girlfriends. The thought of seeing someone I hadn’t seen in years was awful.

But, this is something more important than your size.

Please don’t worry about how you look. It will mean so much to him to hear about how much he inspired you and to see what you have achieved.

I am not a teacher, but I have had very many trainees in my time. It is the nature of time that none of them look the same as when they worked with me. Some will be larger, some will be greyer, some will be balder, some will have wrinkles. I don’t see any of this - I am just genuinely pleased to see them, to hear that they have made it through training and am thoroughly proud to see what they each have achieved. It also means so very much when any of them tell me that I had a positive impact on their professional development. I cried happy tears when someone once told me that, when he had a dilemma, he would stop and think “What would Falling do?” and he would use that as his steer to make a decision.

Go, be warm, happy and professional - I bet that your teacher will just be delighted and proud to see you.

You have a publishing deal! That is who you are. The size of your body is immaterial.

This is the stage I’m at. I get embarrassed spending time with great and old friends because they’ve known me so long. My friend told me she ‘used to be’ jealous of how gorgeous I always looked on nights out recently. I know it was meant as a compliment.

And I know this is more important. It’s hard to get over the mental barrier and believe it.

I imagine he'd be more disappointed to think you didn't go than to think you went and were overweight. Go for his sake if not your own.

I totally understand, I'm a size 16 and while I've been heavy most of my life I had some good patches too and it's the people I last met during a good patch that I dread meeting now. But you absolutely have to brush yourself off and just do it. I did a degree a few years ago in my 40s and I didn't want my graduation photo taken and I very nearly didn't get it done. I made myself do it and am so glad now because I am proud of my achievement and that's what I should see in the photo not my flaws. Buy yourself something nice to wear, have your hair nice and jewellery you like and it will make a difference to how you feel.

Most of all feel proud, you've achieved so much!!

exactly what I wanted to say. Imagine how proud he will be knowing that his advice given to a young student inspired them to achieve what you have.

Can I ask if the English teacher was hot? And did you have a crush on him? You should definitely go 😀

As a teacher I would be absolutely thrilled to bits to see you and hear how well you'd done. It's not an easy job and this is the sort of thing that makes it all worthwhile. I'd be so chuffed for you to tell me I had a hand in your success and I honestly wouldn't notice or care what you looked like. You would probably need to remind me of who you are though as I rarely remember students by face (unless they were really naughty -then they haunt my dreams!!) Please go!

Thanks everyone for the words of encouragement!

it’s so hard when you go through a difficult time and put on weight. Affects feelings on all sorts.

I’ll go along and have what I’m going to say ready in case he doesn’t remember me although I suspect he will. Maybe it’ll be the start of keeping in touch again - he did say he’d always be there as a mentor or another reader if needed. Now I’m more looking forward to seeing him versus dread.

I'd be impressed if he remembered you as teachers have hundreds and hundreds of students, but maybe after jogging his memory and talking about your publishing deal then he'll be very impressed!

Congratulations, btw :)

Hi everyone, just wanted to let you know I did it!! But it took courage.

I approached him then realised most of my old English department was there with him including my other favourite from when I was 11! That teacher turned to me at the bar and said ‘oh hi, how are you doing?’ as if he’d just seen me a minute ago!

meanwhile the teacher I was going to see took a minute then he remembered exactly who I was. I didn’t get as much time to speak to him because his family was there but it was lovely to tell them what they both meant to me.

once the book is published they want to store it in the school library. 😃

I'm so pleased you went and that it all went well. You should feel very proud with your achievement. Is the book aimed at teenagers if it's going to be in the school library? I love reading and would be interested in reading it myself.

Thank you for the lovely update, @Stanwyck !

And congratulations on the publishing deal!

@Stanwyck That's the best thing I've heard today. Thank you for making me smile. 📖

My only regret is that just when the teacher I went to see had started chatting and remembered me, his family came in, and I didn’t get the chance to tel him about my novel!

But I did get the chance to tell the other teacher who will probably pass the message along…

Should I drop him an email or leave it at that? I didn’t say before but this teacher was putting on his first play since the 80s/before he became a teacher. I went to see his play. I felt so proud of his achievement, after years of telling us lot to never stop writing, he took up the pen himself 🙂

@2dogsandabudgie I’d happily make a note that you’re interested and can DM when it’s published if that’s ok?

it’s not a YT novel but there are some teenage characters and it’s PG so totally suitable.

Absolutely send him an email, tell him about your book deal and that you saw his play. These opportunities to really connect with people and tell them how they've had an impact on us should never be underestimated. I'd honestly remember a conversation like that until my dying day.

You’ve got a PUBLISHING deal. What more could an English teacher want?

Most of the girls in my class were a size 8-10 at school. I doubt very many of them are now; it’s normal for your body to change as you get older.

He will recognize you proudly and be delighted to see you.

Thanks everyone! I’ll drop him an email tomorrow. We do seem to be two writers mixing in the same crowd anyway, so maybe we’ll see each other more.

it was odd, I felt a bit like a teenager again talking to them while also feeling like chatting with old friends rather than as pupil. I’ll treasure the interaction for sure.

Oh yes please that would be great.