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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to invite myself?

26 replies

somewhereupinthenorth · 18/03/2025 17:36

Background story. I met another mum during a class outside of school. Our kids used to go to different schools but I recently moved my DS into the same school as her DS.

When they were going to different schools, she mentioned she is part of a hobby group that meets up monthly. I also have interest in this hobby. Said club is organised by the parents of the school (but has nothing to do with the school itself). When she mentioned this club I told her I would love to join but she politely said it is only for parents of that school, which I understood and dropped it.

Well now, for completely different reasons, our sons go to the same school and, you might guess where this is going, I figured I could now join the hobby club. She even mentioned this when I told her I was moving my son, so I thought she would just invite me straightaway, but didn't.

I waited few weeks and then asked her directly if she could give me the details to join as I would love to, she replied yes, but its been couple of weeks and hasn't actually done anything.

The only reason why I haven't contacted another mum to ask about said club is because I still don't know them very well and I am usually very shy. But now I cannot keep thinking about it. Why won't she just invite me or asked me to join in the first place when I clearly expressed interest in joining?

She does not run the club, she is not the one making the decisions who can join or not. We are friendly and I haven't done anything to upset her.

I know people can be forgetful but still... I feel like I cannot keep asking her to do something she has no interest in doing.

Not sure what I am looking for here, maybe to vent a little bit, but what would you do? I am thinking of texting another mum and getting myself invited but I know feel like I am this pushy person desperately trying to join a group!

Anyway suggestions are appreciated, be kind please.

OP posts:
Crocosmic · 19/03/2025 08:38

somewhereupinthenorth · 18/03/2025 19:18

@Holidayfix well, I guess…. but I still need to know the details, which is why I asked more directly I wanted to join.

its like saying “let’s catch up soon” without following it up with an actual plan.

Well, exactly. And as she hasn't followed up the 'Let's catch up soon' with details, the message is pretty clear, I'd have said. When I pushed on it with the friend in the village book group situation I described in my other post, it put her in an awkward position for reasons I only really understood after years in that village. She'd originally mentioned it in good faith before finding out that I really wasn't welcome to join, and from her obvious discomfort when I mentioned it under the genuine impression she'd just forgotten, I grasped something of the situation and just dropped it. If it's an 'open' group looking for new members, it will have some online presence, and/or be advertising, but if it's clear she, for some reason, doesn't want you to join, you may need to do some thinking about whether you still want to.

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