For wanting to kick guests out my house

[Rachelyellik]

I’m about to blow my lid. Ds is 1 and a half and likes to try and climb on everything. We’re having DH’s family over (he invited them to stay I wasn’t on board.) They’re constantly criticising what we do wrong and making us seem unfit to be parents ( we have 2 dc.) Ds hurt himself by trying to hold on to the chair and tipping over with it, of course in front of DH’s family. This caused them to say “we could’ve prevented him from hurting himself” although kids hurt themselves all the time and no one’s keeping a tally of all the accidents we do prevent. Next they started making worrying comments about how he could have a brain injury and telling us horror stories about people who are paralysed. Dc barely cried a minute and was back to his normal playful self. God if they seen some of the accidents my eldest has had they’d have a cow. I just left and went in the bedroom but I’m ready to blow and lid. DH did ask them to stop and I can’t really fault him for the behaviour of his family I just think it’s so cruel to be commenting on an accident when the parents already feel bad and guilty enough. Just keep your thoughts to yourself.

Your marriage sounds toxic.
Your husband sounds awful.
Can you pack up and visit your family?
This is your life for as long as you will tolerate it.

"these comments really don't help"
"I have no idea why you think it's appropriate to say things like that"
"I'm getting very tired of the judgment. If you want to help that would be great."

Oh for goodness sake. Your husband needs to wake up and realise that his family come to see him. To spend time with him. The grandkids yes, but him too. Not you! He absolutely needed to book time off work to host his family. He's taking you for granted with all of this.

I agree. I originally didn’t mind too much because I get on with them like my own. The comments did annoy me and I needed to vent. It’s the first time they’ve ever even slightly annoyed me. They’re great people but we all say silly things. I do think now he is taking the mick not spending time with us all though. I need my privacy I can’t do that hosting all the time.

The best way to deal with this in my experience is to laugh it off. I usually say ah well he'll have to learn his limits. Just downplay it. If they start telling horror stories just say you lot have been watching too many episodes of casualty. Kids learn to manage their own risks. Etc etc. No need to get wound up just downplay everything and they'll get the message without confrontation.

I’ll never understand why these people don’t book hotels.

I put my foot down and no longer have anyone stay, not even for one night. Guests weren’t respecting my house and it was me left to clean up after everyone. Never again.

What did your DH say? I don’t think it would go down well.

He doesn’t like guests either.

Can you not say to them ‘What are you planning to do with your day? I’m off to meet my mum friends’ and let them occupy themselves? They could be taking themselves out for lunch. I don’t see why you need to stay with them all day.

Each and every time they comment then bring up one of the old stories. 'Ah well at least it isn't as bad as the time you were telling me when BIL broke his arm on his new skateboard', 'Doesn't look like it will scar, you know DH still has that big scar on his knee from when he fell out of your tree.' They will soon sicken of it or will waft off into memories.

Plus of course the important activities which you already had booked to keep you sane. 'I am off to a friend's house, been in the diary for months, do you want me to drop you in town on the way?'.

We’re having DH’s family over (he invited them to stay I wasn’t on board.)
This is your problem, and the fact that he leaves you to host.
Next time he invites them, tell him you'll be spending the duration of the visit elsewhere (with or without the kids, whichever suits you).
Then follow up on it. Go and stay with family or friends, or take a holiday if resources allow.
He's taking the piss, disrespecting you and treating you like staff.

Tell him the situation wouldn’t be reversed because you would never be rude enough to put him in that position. I.e. inviting your family to stay and not taking time off to host them.

He really has a fucking nerve. I would go to bed really early.

This is a bit off topic from OP, but DH left me for work to host his family. Previous to this I was a bit angry with some of the things he just expected me to do and I brought up how much he makes in order to show him how much he is benefitting from the relationship while I’m not. He sat me down and called me horrible basically and not acting like a wife because I said this. Meanwhile he expects me to host his family, take care of the kids, do the cooking and cleaning and put up with horrible comments. I’m here juggling trying to please everyone and I’m the disrespectful one. This has opened my eyes.

Your husband sounds awful, consider if such a vile man makes your life easier, fun and if you feel cherished by him. If not, take steps to improve your life.

They sound like hard work but nothing dreadful. They are over anxious that's all. Get your DH to speak to them about critical comments

You are another woman in an abusive relationship with a selfish nasty bullying pig.

Have you family to help you?
You need to call Womens aid for advice and support.

This is not a good man.

the easiest way to get rid is to find your voice, surely?
Go out all day and don't be available for criticism and if they start up say "well, nobody asked your opinion" etc etc

Tell your DH that if he ever invites guests again without discussing/agreeing with you, you will take yourself and DC to your parents until they have gone (can you do this for the rest of the week?)