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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ghost or not to ghost?

17 replies

HavanaMoon · 18/03/2025 14:21

So, through social connections I joined a committee of a village fete group. It was led by a very domineering woman who asked me to do sundry tasks, i.e. make posters and craft a few items. She was not happy with my suggestions and started telling me what she wanted and said that the committee favoured her work over mine. She kept telephoning me and I tried to stay polite. After a couple of very much her directed calls, I decided to withdraw my support by writing to the committee for a peaceful life. After this she began to telephone me on my landline, mobile, sent emails, and finally a letter by post. By this time, I was not answering her communications because I knew that she would be very rude and I was not prepared to put myself through that. My point: AIBU to think that sometimes you need to 'ghost' or 'stonewall' some people for your own peace and sanity when you know they will not take 'no' for an answer.

OP posts:
Oddsocksanduglyshoes · 18/03/2025 14:27

I would tell her you won’t communicate anymore as it is not benefitting either of you then block her. You’ve done nothing wrong so don’t need to just disappear.

Jc2001 · 18/03/2025 14:32

She sounds massively passive-agressive. I think you've done the right thing. Sounds like it's driving her mad 😁

If she keeps on, I send her a short message saying she needs to modify her behaviour if she wants people to help her. Leave it at that.

Maitri108 · 18/03/2025 15:11

Inform her that you want her to stop contacting you as you consider it harassment. Keep all the letters, email and texts and block her on everything.

MumChp · 18/03/2025 15:12

Say a polite no thank you and ignore/block her.

WeeOrcadian · 18/03/2025 16:41

Fuck that

Life is too short

Send her one text / email, telling her you won't be communicating further, tell her why, then block.

nonmerci99 · 18/03/2025 16:42

She sounds like a character from This Country 😂

Happyspendingthedayinthegarden · 18/03/2025 16:48

MumChp · 18/03/2025 15:12

Say a polite no thank you and ignore/block her.

This

GrandHighPoohbah · 18/03/2025 17:01

Absolutely ignore/block her. You have stepped down from your role so she has no reason to contact you.

lauram31 · 19/03/2025 07:50

This lady sounds crazy , sounds absolutely obsessed with you either that or your her “ current obsession “ and this will hopefully blow over .

unwound drop he a message saying … I have a lot going on in personal life right now so would appreciate it if you could respect that as I feel I am being harassed by you” short sweet straight to the point x

BeardofHagrid · 19/03/2025 07:56

I think ghosting is a bit immature. Just send one final message: “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to provide any further help due to a change in circumstance.” Or similar.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 19/03/2025 08:23

Send a copy of all the messages to the committee, explaining that THIS is why you are withdrawing your support and assistance, send her one final message requesting that all communication stop and if it continues, I’d push for harassment.

LoveWine123 · 19/03/2025 08:31

What are emails and letter about? What does she want? Why ghosting her instead of sending a message to say you can’t dedicate time to the committee? If she persists then you I would just ignore her. It sounds super weird to be sending actual letters to someone. I’m curious what she wants now…

Geneticsbunny · 19/03/2025 08:33

That's not ghosting though. You told her you were leaving and left.
I totally agree though. Some people and bonkers and need ignoring/blocking because they always need to have the final word.

Rattai · 19/03/2025 08:41

What did she write in her letter? Was she aware at the time that you had stood down??

GRex · 19/03/2025 08:43

Would she have got the letter to the committee? If so, then it isn't ghosting. I'm not sure what you wrote to know if that is related. What did her email and letter actually say?

Usually, I would have sent a message from the first contact to state that I don't want further communication. With some dependency on what her email and letter actually said, I would still recommend that you do that now, then any further messages are actually harassment rather than genuine checking up on you.
"I have left X committee and do not want to keep in touch with you, please do not contact me again. Thank you."

lilacmamacat · 19/03/2025 09:30

Reallyneedsaholiday · 19/03/2025 08:23

Send a copy of all the messages to the committee, explaining that THIS is why you are withdrawing your support and assistance, send her one final message requesting that all communication stop and if it continues, I’d push for harassment.

This

TwinklySquid · 22/03/2025 09:59

I’d just say that you don’t think your styles of working gel so you don’t want to be part of this activity anymore. Then block

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