Hi, my partner has really upset me and I’ve tried speaking to him but he just shouts and dismisses how I feel. He’s made me seem like a right lazy cow to everyone he works with and I feel that’s far from the truth. He works from home and is area manager. It’s quite a long one so apologies in advance but I’m so down and depressed
basically got ready to walk my daughter to school (it’s 5 minutes from our house) I came downstairs and my daughter (9) goes to me “daddy’s taking me” I went oh ok that’s fine I asked my partner if he minded. He said that he wanted and was going to take the dog.
whilst he was gone, I done the washing up tidied the kitchen (always seems to bare the brunt on the school morning) done our 2.5 year old some breakfast.
anyway he got home on the phone to his planner and went to her “aw just got back (my name) made me a lovely coffee next to the laptop” then went on to say how he makes me coffee in bed every morning with a couple of biscuits and that he gets up at 3am every morning or silly o’clock everyday.
absolute lies!! So I told him so, I’m not going to stand there and made to look like a lazy bitch… if it was a meeting and not a general catch up and a chat I would of just bit my tongue but absolutely no way am I going to take him telling a random women rubbish about me and the things he does to make him self look amazing. He went “oops! I better go I’ve pissed her off I think”
a bit of background, we have 3 children all 3 of our children have additional needs varying in care needs…. The younger 2 are very severe, youngest is non verbal, smears, doesn’t sleep and needs constant supervision I’ve given up my job to care for them. And in turn it’s made it possible for him to progress in his, I am super proud of him in the space of a year he’s gone from working on the tools to being area manager of a big company and I always tell him this. But I’m not gonna lie this career progression has turned him into more of an arrogant prat than he was to start with.
when we just had our girls (13 & 9) I was having to leave work early at least twice a week to go and sort her out mid meltdown and go back. He never did because his own words “he’s the main breadwinner and earns the most so it’s more important” at the time he was self employed and I didn’t drive so it would of been a little easier for him to go than me. Because of this and also due to childcare I didn’t return after maternity leave.
with our eldest he was attentive but with the other 2 I can count on both hands the amount he’s got up in the night with them. He says he doesn’t hear them but yet telling this women he gets up every morning at 3…. The younger 2 don’t sleep (that’s despite medication for our 9 year old) I’m tag teaming them constantly throughout the night… on average I get around 3-4 hours sleep. I have scoliosis, arthritis, also in the process of having emergency scan on my pancreas as I’m really unwell at the moment. I can’t take my medication at night as he doesn’t look after them, when I say anything he says “I can’t help it if I’m tired” if I say I’m tired or in pain I get “we’re all tired and in pain”
He goes to sleep whenever he fancies in the evening. To put it into perspective, when our 2 year old was born I caught MRSA and was rushed to hospital seriously ill, I didn’t find out I had it till he was 4 weeks old (that’s another story) I had to make arrangements with the hospital to have him with me despite being so ill because I couldn’t guarantee he would wake up to him needing a feed or changing.
I do 99% of stuff indoors… I can’t remember the last time he say cleaned the bathroom or off his own back on a weekend offered to make dinner or take the kids out. Friday just gone I was in agony so made it clear to him he’s going to have to get up in the early hours of Saturday if they wake up. Our 2 year old woke at 3am didn’t go back off till 5am my partner decided not to go back to sleep but to stay up. Because of this he was understandably tired… 3:30 he took himself to bed for the whole day and didn’t wake till midnight moaning he was hungry. Had something to eat then went back to sleep till 9:30. Even with all that sleep on the Sunday all I heard was how tired he was how he had a headache etc.
as much as I love my children more than anything in the entire world, and will always care for them and advocate for them. Being a 24/7 carer to 3 disabled children is taking its toll on my mental health. I’d love to go back to work and be me not just mum for a couple of hours…. But he told me I didn’t need to and then when I suggested a weekend job I was told no because that’s family time. But yet he can put in the odd weekend when he fancies. When I’ve brought this up he tells me to go get a job he doesn’t care what I do… but yet he makes it impossible.
another time recently he told me when I was crying because my son had smeared poo all over the living room for the second time that day (I left him to get a drink from the kitchen). I then got moaned at for leaving him I said so am I meant to just sit here all day and he said yes that’s my job to do that.
how am I meant to get housework done? If I do it in the evening I get told we need a cut off point…. So I stopped rushing around tidying up let it build up a bit was then told by him “ no we can’t have a cut off point”
im drowning in life and when I mention it I get made to seem like it’s in my head and then get the silent treatment for days. But when he upsets me, he expects acting overly chatty and happy to me after I’m meant to just bounce back and forget. Out of all the things he’s said and done this morning has really got to me, he’s literally made it sound like I’m living my best life whilst he’s working to a complete stranger.