Adult ADHD

[CoolPlayer]

So to keep it short..I believe as do some others that I have ADHD, if you have adhd what does adhd look like in you’re adult life? Have you had an assessment and do you feel this has helped you?

What are people’s opinions of ADHD overlapping with anxiety?
I have noticed several of these traits in myself but they always go away when my life calms down and I become more content. If something stressful has happened, I largely just shut down. But as soon as I come back around I can function perfectly fine. I’m convinced mine is just a stress response

There are, but in the past I've struggled to hold down a job or manage the basic demands of life. I'm not lucky enough to be extremely successful in some glamorous creative field which requires next to no organisational skills. I need meds in order to access a good life.

Anxiety is a symptom of ADHD, but stress can also look like ADHD.

The question is, are those situations actually normal situations which the average adult can manage, but you can't, or are they situations which would be stressful for anyone? Are you choosing a smaller life than the one you want because you're unable to cope? This will go some way to answering the question.

This is a profound observation. For instance, I don’t drive since it feels too overwhelming. I don’t have pets. Too overwhelming. It’s amazing I even became a parent, it felt too overwhelming. All these very basic usual things that I don’t feel I can access. But at the same time I have done some amazing and unusual things in my life, and my career, driven by my personal passion which is part of my identity. A sort of crazy A or Z approach to life. I hadn’t considered if this might be part of ADHD, does anyone else who has had an ADHD diagnosis experience this?

of course, I am stalling madly with ten tabs open in my brain over whether to begin the private diagnosis. It’s expensive. But it could be transformative. I spoke to my GP btw who said NHS waiting lists were too long so she wouldn’t approve having me on the list. She didn’t ask me about my symptoms and tbf I hide the reality well. Including years of major eating disorders in late teens and 20s that I now link to this too…

Diagnosis will help you understand yourself better and find ways to work with the brain you have. If I had been diagnosed earlier my health would be much better now as I have been very poor at looking after myself.

I’m 61 and have an initial assessment for it next week. Looking back I can see the impact it’s had on my life and I feel a sense of grief for how things could have been. Ironically I had a job that demanded a high level of organisation and accuracy and was quite fast paced but also had periods of allowing me to research (hyperfocus) and problem solve - there was definitely a lot of overcompensating, double checking and self doubt. I always felt I’d be found out (Imposter syndrome). I never had the confidence to apply for promotions in case I got rejected or found out if I got the job.

Another thing is that I am always, always early for appointments - it’s an alternative version of the time-blindness that makes some of us late.

I’ve really struggled to cope since retirement two years ago since I no longer have the structure of the working environment and the mental challenge of the job so my brain is freed up to worry about a million other things and I’ve seen the GP several times times about anxiety and mental health related issues.

As for modern life, I can clearly see that my Mum has ADHD too, there were so many incidents in my childhood where she’d put eggs on to boil then take us all to the park or take the dog out in the car and come back without it. Lots of other things too.I’m sorting her house out for her at the moment and the amount of stuff in random places is amazing. She’s never had an online presence, doesn’t even have a mobile phone so can’t blame that in her case.

I think for me the depression and anxiety is a result of the overwhelming feelings and obviously decades of self-medicating with nicotine and alcohol did not help.

Feeling more in control, less panicked and overwhelmed has eased the other MH conditions.

I was diagnosed a year ago with combined (hyperactive/innatentive) ADHD. I’m perennially disorganised. Even when I try really hard I always miss the mark. I’m often late, constantly losing things (phone, keys, handbag)

I started meds about 6 weeks ago and I can’t really say they’ve been life changing but I work in a role where I’m dealing with multiple strands of information and it’s definitely helped me join the bits up. I don’t bounce between tasks leaving half of them unfinished. Taking adhd meds has enabled me to reduce my dose of antidepressant too. But my house is still a disorganised bit of a mess 🙄. I’m in my mid 50’s now and I’ve hugely underachieved in my career (I have a good stem degree).

@BestIsWest interesting. My mum ticks every single adhd box. Though the one thing that has made me question whether she has adhd is that she was always early, and would get monumentally ragingly angry with me for being late, when I was a kid.

I see how she had the other form of time blindness. I now get super anxious about time, and have all sorts of clocks and reminders, since being five mins late as a child would lead to screaming all the way to school, every day, since I always seemed to be a bit late which she said made all the difference (really? Suddenly a major change in traffic from 8.00-8.05?)

i struggle to understand if I have anxiety or adhd. But I tried some of my cousins medication (I know, I know) and suddenly all the tabs were shut down. Suddenly no 20 voices in my head. Suddenly a better memory for all these boring things (like my pin no or mobile phone no). Suddenly the anxiety and rumination quieten.

In short, I’d just like access to this medication. But how? Seems only via a £600 + formal diagnosis. Interested that a PP accesses meds without a diagnosis— how?!

or do we all just focus on meditation and mindfulness and solve this issue ourselves (not yet mastered any of that, leading to more frustration with myself!)

@elspet, yes, it’s sheer panic that you don’t know what might happen on the way somewhere, you have to factor in all the what ifs. You should have seen me last year in a traffic jam on the way to the airport.

Ha! I get the reverse time blindness too. I'm virtually never on time I'm either very early or quite late!

Perfectionist tendencies and over-organisation is a thing too. I have lists for everything and if I can’t do something perfectly I won’t do it at all.

@BestIsWest oh god really? I am precisely like that.

Same.

I was diagnosed with ADHD just over 2 years ago. Medication has changed my life, it turns down all the noise in my head and allows me to function without distracting myself all the time. I have both types - hyperactive and inattentive - and really struggle with executive function, time management and procrastination. The meds don’t do a whole lot for those things but the focus I get from them is totally worth it. I have suffered with anxiety-related depression my whole life and knowing that the overthinking couldn’t be helped has definitely made me kinder to myself. I’ve done great with the cards I’ve been dealt but I’m now doing even better now I understand some of those challenges were related to ADHD.

After being treated for general anxiety disorder, stress and depression, I was referred to Psychiatry UK by my GP and was diagnosed with Impulsive-Hyperactive ADHD last week, however psychiatrist told me it may take up to 10 months before I get medication. I am 55, have found life a struggle generally and just want to get on the right meds and sort my life out now, I don't want to waste any more time and feel sad that I still have to wait.

I was diagnosed a few years ago, and am now medicated, but it looks like pure hell for me.
Being called lazy, scatty, clumsy, and.unmotivated during my childhood and teens. Was clever, but got bored at school and couldn't concentrate. GCSEs ranged from A to G depending on how interesting the topic was to me. Flunked out of A levels twice. Didn't go to university which everyone expected me to do.

All of my 20s spent giving into impulses. Spent most of it binge drinking, having unprotected sex with anyone who would have me (how i got pregnant), drugs, getting into debt... But doing really well at work because I enjoyed it and would hyperfocus (before kids).

I had my kids in my early 30s and nearly had them taken off me due to what I now realise was undiagnosed ADHD. I forgot medical appointments, and just generally made poor decisions. But I worked hard to become a better mother.

In my late 30s and early 40s, it's procrastination central - i get so overwhelmed that I can't do important things, and it's catching up with me. Not sleeping because my brain never switches off. So many internal monologues, and a radio station playing the same couple of lines of a song over and over again.

Pissing everyone off because I have to have subtitles on the telly, am always on my phone for the dopamine, listening to the same 3 or 4 songs over and over again, rarely watching new programmes and films, preferring to watch the same ones repeatedly.

Even medicated on Elvanse and two top ups I can't quite get a grip, but I'm still better than before I was medicated!

@BestIsWest I could have written pretty much everything you have. Out of interest, what was your career? (If not too outing).

I have finally made a GP appt to ask for a referral under the the RTC pathway. My GP is lovely and had historically been very supportive of this. Two of my children have ADHD - one to the extent he has an EHCP and DLA. Perimen and parenting teenagers has left me feeling like I’m losing my mind but in reality I think it’s just exacerbated what was already there.

I’ll write more later but I have (as usual) a million things to do in the near 5 minutes.

@WinterCarlisle I worked in IT as a Database Administrator.

My DD has it too and my DS has started on the road to getting diagnosed.

Ah different careers. I’m in a fast paced clinical role. But lots of balls in the air too. Whenever I’ve had extended time off I can’t cope at all. I got pinged once by the Covid app and I almost lost my mind. At home? For 10’days? No structure? Horrific!

Diagnosed at 50. Took 4 months from GP referral.

1. my brain never ever turns off / ever. Constantly whirring like multiple engines misfiring at all times
2. cant concentrate for more than 20 minutes eg watching Netflix etc
3. cant decide on hobbies - changes daily
4. house was full of multiple jobs to do and not done
5. can’t concentrate when talking to friends
6. can’t decide on anything
7. lose everything keys glasses
8. can’t sit still ever
9. friendships - used to get into destructive relationship and friendship and never said no
10. always wanted to be needed and liked
11. always felt totally different to everyone else and looking in
12. spending money like water - so I don’t deal with this now
13. wake up constantly with brain going
14. always have 100 plates spinning in my head it’s exhausting
15. impulsive

and so on

I also have childhood trauma and multiple years of trauma therapy.

I now have a gorgeous husband who loves me for who I am. Finds and organises my keys, glasses and so on and takes over when I am overwhelmed

I was clearing out my garage today and it’s boxes and boxes of stuff to the tip.

Im not medicated yet but I understand and love myself better

Ironically I’m good in my career. It changes minute by minute etc

I am 18months into a 5 year wait for assessment. Does anyone know how much medication costs privately? Currently I've not pursued a private diagnosis because if there is a need for medication apparently the GP might refuse to prescribe it, but I'm now at the point where I'm thinking of quitting my job as the procrastination and overwhelm is so bad. Long term the medication might well be the cheaper course of action!

Go With clinical partners right to choose took me 4 months ago nhs waiting list was 10 years

I’ve never finished anything in my entire life. I’ve had hundreds of hobbies and jobs that I just give up on. Think I’ve started about 5 different degrees and then quit. I work admin jobs because I can’t do anything except churn out quick type work and even those jobs I bounce between quite often as I thrive in the beginning then start to slip up after a while. I often forget to sort my daughter’s necessary medications. I don’t really have any close friends. Relationships often a disaster and it’s my fault. Struggle to be quiet and can’t sit still. Incredibly forgetful or remember every single thing that ever happens there’s no in between. Binge eat for dopamine. I keep getting into more debt despite being quite financially stable I’m just shit with money and spending and can’t seem to get on top of it or I do but then I decide I’ll get a new car or whatever and sod the debt. Get stressed trying to meal plan because my brain just doesn’t work that way. My other half meal plans but then I don’t like being told what I have to eat every day. The list goes on and it affects me in little ways every day and also big ways that have impacted my path in life.

I don’t want to be like this. It sucks I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I don’t really talk about it because I cba to be told everyone is a bit adhd these days. I agree though that our reliance on smartphones doesn’t help anyone’s attention span!

oh and don’t get me started on rejection sensitivity. I can’t take criticism well at all and will ruminate on it and remember it forever. I fucking hate it

As someone who lives with an ADHDer this is just not true. ADHD is not just being easily distracted or having a short attention span. It's a neurodivergent condition, just as autism is. Unless you believe we all have autistic traits too??