Mum guilt

[Crocomum2022]

DD is 10 months. Somehow she has a tummy bug vomiting and not diahorrea.
bless her she is doing well. But when she is ill that means my morning gym sessions and opportunity for a walk to get steps in stops.
she needs me and I get that my baby comes first. But at the same time I feel terrible that I haven’t had my own time (5:30am session) to workout, get my steps in or even drink water! and most likely stuck at home all day.

Am I had to feel that way?

I was about to post something similar to this.

I'll add that it's ok to feel resentment towards your baby. It's just a feeling, it passes. You still love her. Better to be honest about your emotions than deny you're a complex emotional being capable of feeling many contradictory things at the same time.

Hope she gets better soon

thank you this is lovely that you took the time to respond xx

Hi OP. Sending you a giant hug. It can be really difficult when they’re unwell for the first time.

To try and get some movement and some fresh air, could you do a walk outside when she naps? So put her in the pram and go outside for some fresh air eg in the park? It won’t be a full workout but you’ll have got some steps in. Or you could put on a YouTube exercise video and do that and make it fun for her to watch you do!

Regarding water - keep lots of bottles around the house (of course out reach of DD) for example near the soda, playpen, changing table so wherever you go there’s one in sight and you can have a swig.

Christ on a bike. Enjoying exercise and using it as a good psychological leveller (dopamine, endorphins, serotonin release) during the largely tedious swathe of time that is mat leave, does not always equate to an eating disorder.

I LOVE exercise. I work out, one way or another, every day. I’ve mentioned that before on here and I too was accused of having an eating disorder. Liking exercise doesn’t mean I only do it so I’m not fat/can eat with abandon.

*I worked out hard when pregnant too and was also accused of being a shit mother. So that was nice.

Absolutely this. I often find that anyone who enjoys exercise on here seems to get the backs up of a load of posters (for some unknown reason 😬) and then receives really shitty replies.

I’m sorry for anyone who can’t see past their own resentment to a new mum who’s asking for some support.

Yeah this doesn’t sound anything like mum guilt. The guilt you’re describing is annoyance and slight resentment at having to miss exercising to look after your child..

I don’t think you’re probably as selfish as you come across OP. It is hard when babies and young children are poorly. It’s draining. Especially when home alone a lot. Just do your best. Do a home workout. You can still get out and exercise take baby for a walk in pram. Just sit up and lay muslins down if she is sick. Some fresh air will do them good too.

Its one day, your sick baby can take priority over your exercise.

Thank you for all the kind and understanding replies of support. This is what I thought Mums Net is for.
I’m not anorexic or have an exercise obsession. I am 10 months postpartum and trying to look after myself to be a better mum. Having a sick baby is very difficult especially when I’m not able to look after myself also. I could do a lot of the things I mentioned at home but it’s hard when baby wants to be on me and I still need to make dinner, laundry etc so my needs do come second which I don’t resent a small innocent baby for. It was just a vent to let it out on a play form I was hoping would understand.

So I would totally understand if this was about say missing a friend's wedding because of an I'll baby but missing one workout just seems ridiculously OTT.. and getting to 10 months without any illness means you have been phenomally lucky

I never said it was 1 day?
she’s been ill before but not with vomiting and diarrhoea

Oh sorry I didn't realise you had to miss multiple workouts - now I understand it's a serious situation

OP myself and others have spent time giving advice and you literally are ignoring it and just replying to those who haven’t offered you advice.

Is this a real thread?

Your advice was helpful I never said it wasn’t and I’m not ignoring everyone I’m attending to my baby in between

Perhaps also use this time to have a sip of water. If there’s time to type a reply there’s time to drink.

I get it OP, the exercise makes you feel good and you’re in a routine so it does feel a bit disappointing when you can’t do it.

But your child is ill and as you’ve said, that comes first. You’ll be able to pick it all back up when they are better. When it’s nap time, can you exercise at home?

As for the water, get a bottle and take it everywhere with you. Looking after your baby shouldn’t stop you from drinking!

Does that make you feel better to respond in that way?
the fact you have taken time out to reply with that reflect more on you as a person than the negativity you’re trying to give to me.
i didn’t start the thread for this.

I think what OP is talking about is not missing exercise or water per se, but just an opportunity to be alone and her pre-baby self. For her this is exercise, for me it was a solo supermarket visit or a pilates class. It’s okay to feel sad if you are not getting that time. We have to prioritise our babies but we can still have thoughts and feelings about it. Get your partner to do bedtime and go for an evening class, OP. You need this time

I think it’s the way you’ve written your OP. “Or even be able to drink my water” is a really odd thing to say. Ill baby or not, you can have some water?

I am confused as to why you couldn’t have gone to your gym session, looking after a sick baby is mentally draining. DH would have had her I’m assuming so why didn’t that happen?

It can also do a lot of good to get them out in fresh air; so long as they’re not very ill and need to be in bed all day. A 30 min walk in the fresh air might do you both good.

I think mum guilt would be the opposite, where you’d feel bad for taking some time for yourself.

I think people are being mean here. And I think it’s really healthy that you make time for yourself. You don’t sound resentful to me op, you sound honest. Of course it’s horrible when your kids are sick and most people would probably prefer they were somewhere else instead of looking after them. Doesn’t mean you don’t love them.

The water situation is easily solved by filling a big bottle of water and having it next to you while baby naps on you (assuming that's what they are doing as you mention them being clingy).

Exercise is trickier but how about going out when your DH gets home. Or as already suggested, doing your fitness before he leaves tomorrow morning. You could do your home exercise while the laundry is in the wash? I get that having a baby makes you feel like you can't get much done but actually a day is a really long time and you can do things while they nap or pop into a bouncy chair to watch you. They might find it funny watching mummy doing their exercises.

I get that it's frustrating but there are some things you could do but are choosing not to because it's not part of your routine (and I hate to tell you babies change routine a lot so even when better you will find yourself caught out by things like nap times changing).

I mean yes, this is motherhood. You don't get to do what you want a lot of the time because you have a child. That's what happens.

That isn't Mum guilt