To ask if it gets better when they’re at school

[withoutaninvite]

Feel a bit mean as mine are lovely kids. One is four and one is 21 months. But the squabbling, the noise, the meeting everyone’s needs, the early starts (younger child) the drawn out exhausting bedtimes, the food battles, the noise, the mess …

Older child starts school in September. Is it going to get easier? Or just a whole new battle …

Probably say yes as in youll be able to do more activities that suit the younger one. But mornings becoming a bit of a rush to get them ready, plus homework (reading) and the million birthday parties! Does the 4 year old not go to nursery at all?

Yes but it’s when I work, so it’s not any easier on my days off.

Much much easier even with school stuff to organise.

Yes, For me it also got a lot easier when the younger one reached two and a half. Then you see a big step forward every year after that. Hang in there!

Sorry but I think age 4-6 is harder than age 2-4.

There will be post-school exhauation meltdowns. School treats you as if you are expected to have no commitments during school hours and should be free to pop in at any time. They may set "family" homework where your 5yo is supposed to built a pirate ship or a scale model of the Taj Mahal "with a bit of help from your grownups if you need it". And the politics of classmate friendships. And the demands of the PTA that you must make cake every friday. Oh it all adds up.

For me, the preschool years were the hardest. Yes, it all gets massively easier. Just figure out a routine that works for your family for the homework and stick with it. And encourage independence and responsibility, it will make your life easier for years to come. Primary school is a great low stakes place to practice responsibility for book bags and pet kits and water bottles. So by secondary school they're a fully functional, non entitled pleasent human!

I only have one child but school is harder in terms of childcare if you need it.
The day feels very short if you're used to having childcare 8-6 even if you don't use it that long now. Some holiday clubs only take from year one due to age.
Can't say dinner (takes forever) or bedtime is anything better. She probably fall asleep quickly now but can be an overtired nightmare to get ready for bed.
The morning rush to get out the door still happens but now you have a 5 minute window to drop off at school when the class door is open or you get marked as late and have to drop off via the school office. (my school anyway)
School like to send emails about stuff regular.

The school my DD goes to has random assemblies and events that parents are suddenly invited to.

Last year they had a sports day taking up the morning and first part of the afternoon at short notice, then they had their summer fayre after school which they gave plenty of notice too. They needed parental help for both.

I could only turn up to the school fayre but luckily DP could turn up to both and help. However there are other parents including those who have younger children who always help who couldn't help sports day due to the short notice

Then there are inset days, which at my DDs school aren't always linked to holidays, and half days for end of term. These can screw up childcare.

Honestly, it’s harder in some ways and easier in others.
It also depends so much on everything else you have going on.
Now that mine is in school, I feel a lot better. But I only have one and I’m not working so I can actually rest when she’s at school.
I find the school very supportive, my daughter loves it and has made friends. The other parents are nice and I finally feel part of a community.
But there are lots of new things to worry about and that can be overwhelming at times.
She likes the routine but is absolutely wrecked coming out of school and her behaviour can be very tricky to manage.
There is so much to do and buy and remember every week. She gets so much homework 🙈
I try to just take it a day at a time because otherwise it is just too much.
I don’t know how people do this and work and look after multiple kids at different stages, I really don’t. But I struggle with mh problems as well so again, it depends a lot on your other personal circumstances.

It's not easier, just different. Our school run takes around 90 minutes (nearest schools) so we don't get much time in between. Then there are the various appointments, sports clubs, piano lessons, play rehearsals etc. Homework gets harder as they get older.

It gets easier in the sense that you have childcare, if that’s something you don’t have now. I hate to say it, but I found the nursery years a lot simpler in the sense that their needs were not as complex. Food, entertainment, comfort, sleep.

School years are a lot more pressured. Rushing around, so many things to remember, homework, friendships, falling out with friends, big emotions, tough conversations, sometimes they just hate you. And it’s harder in terms of working, shorter days, less coverage, so much easier as a working parent when they are younger. Obviously, things like sleep, independence, communication are better though as they get older. I think both are hard, but a different hard.

It’s easier when they’re physically at school 😆 but we have found the post school emotions hard. Lots of arguing with younger siblings, outbursts when things don’t go their way etc. I think mine holds it in at school then when back with us lets it all out! Being 5 is tough 🥲

I must have been lucky because I never had any of that with my dds apart from the friendship issues but that can happen at any age

I’ve got 3 DCs close in age (DC1 is almost 10, DC2 almost 9 and DC3 almost 6).
I think it gets physically easier when they start school for sure! Even with the extra practical jobs to do like making sure uniforms are good to go, school shoes are clean, lunches are ready etc.
As much as we love our kids….its ok to admit when you’re in the trenches of toddlerhood - especially when you’ve got more than one, they are up your arse pretty much 24/7 and you are their main source of entertainment it’s completely exhausting!
Mine were definitely ready to start school - they needed that extra mental stimulation. We do what we can as mums to keep them busy, but it’s not the same.
I do feel like the emotional/mental challenges are harder now than when they were little. They really develop their own personalities and start to figure out where they fit in the world once they are at school with kids their own age - so now especially with my eldest DD you’ve got the extra drama of school friendships, influence of other children’s’ behaviour etc which can be quite hard to navigate first time around. But generally? I’d say yes, I’m finding this stage easier than when they were all so little!

I think this gets a bit easier as time goes on - hang tight 😂
We used to have the same thing - DC1 and DC2 would be exhausted by the time they got home from school when they were in reception. They’d come home and DC3 had missed them and just wanted to play with them……but they were having none of it. Resulting in so many bickering matches between them.
But now they older and well adjusted to the school routine, it’s nowhere near as bad!
DC1 is definitely entering the early puberty phase, so can be incredibly stroppy, particularly towards her youngest sibling, but I guess all this stuff comes in phases!

@Lavender2021 yes or if holiday clubs do take 4 year olds then it's only for half days.

How can that work for working parents? I'm privileged in some respects that I could move my hours around to compensate but it's just madness.

School was the breaking point for me, and the point I became a SAHM. Nursery is set up to be childcare, and expects parents to be working during the day.
School is for education, and parents are expected to be available between 9 and 3, and all the holidays.

We have been lucky and found a nursery that runs a holiday club open from 7.30am till 6pm! From 4 till 12 years old. They do shut for a couple of weeks in the summer so have found a second club to cover that.
We looked at private school very briefly but the holidays are crazy and we can't just stick her in a holiday club for 13 weeks a year on top of school. School holidays are the tricky part as you need to keep holidays for sick day cover.

School years are easier. Get them sorted and prepared, they primarily get themselves dressed, with help if necessary, they get book bag and water and snack you've prepared the night before. Uniform laid out the night before. After school snack and downtime first.

@Lavender2021 that's fab that you've found that. I imagine that helps massively. We found a pre school attached to a school that takes 2-8 but I only saw them advertised the once and never again so I've had to rule that one out. It drives me mad when the government are all about work work work but assume every working person can just dump kids on other relatives during the holidays. I can see why many women do not go back to work for years or like myself are stuck in a sole destroying job because it gives me huge flexibility that I wouldn't get elsewhere.

It's certainly easier in that you get some downtime while they're at school (unless you work full time) but it's not easier in terms of organisation/admin/sorting childcare outside of school hours. There's a lot of school events that nursery don't tend to have, there's homework, inset days etc. But it's definitely easier than them being home all the time.