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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? Grandparents not bothering.

13 replies

DaxyLover · 17/03/2025 18:11

So a little over 2 weeks ago my 8YO son was admitted into hospital with symptoms of the 4 T's, it was quickly discovered he had Type 1 Diabetes.
My son had to stay in of course. My mum came to visit and helped out picking my eldest up from school, my MIL went to the chemist picking up prescriptions and was ringing to check in, as was my dad.
Although it deeply hurts me and my husband that his dad and step mum haven't bothered to even check in. After texting everyone to inform of his admission we got a message from FiL 2 days later saying "hope he's ok". Since then nothing... No visit, phone call, nothing.
Everyone else has constantly been checking in, friends family just being supportive. My mum and his mum were keen to learn how to give insulin and check glucose so they know how to do it for when they have him.
It hurts me that they cba with their grandson but it hurts me that they've not even bothered to ask how my husband and I are coping.
Our whole lives have been changed completely, it's alot to learn and it's bl00dy overwhelming.
Tbh, the relationship always felt one sided, if we didn't visit them we wouldn't see them. I've of a mind not to force the relationship. If they cared and wanted to be involved they'd ask.

I don't want to cause problems for my husband of course but I'm so upset and hurt that they just don't give a rats a....

Meanwhile they see their granddaughter every Thursday and have her overnight! If it was her in this situation they'd have been there.

OP posts:
littlemissprosseco · 17/03/2025 18:15

They’ve shown you where you fit into their lives. It’s harsh, but reconcile it. And react accordingly
Its all you can do
Im sorry. But at least you know

thepariscrimefiles · 17/03/2025 18:26

Is the grandaughter your DH's step-mum's child's daughter?

DaxyLover · 17/03/2025 18:54

She's the grandaughter of his DH's step mum

OP posts:
Pinkballoon5 · 17/03/2025 18:56

Course she is

clinellwipe · 17/03/2025 19:02

We had similar recently - 3 year old admitted to hospital for four nights and had to have lots of unpleasant tests and NG tube etc - my husband told his family. They live an hour from us. His mum txtd back to say “oh poor mite”, no contact from his dad or two sisters. And it wasn’t mentioned again. Meanwhile my mum who lives 2.5 hours away came to stay and did alternate nights in the hospital with me (I’m heavily pregnant and found the chair so awful to sleep in) as my husband had postgraduate exams that week he couldn’t get out of.

My son’s situation isn’t life changing the way your son’s is but it was still incredibly stressful and worrying time. I can’t imagine being so uninterested but I guess some family members are

TomatoSandwiches · 17/03/2025 19:09

Lots of men only give a shit about the woman they're with and her family, your FIL sounds like one of them.
Drop the rope and match energy, don't invest in this non relationship, you have bigger things to worry about.

brettsalanger · 17/03/2025 19:12

I wouldn’t even worry about it. You sound like you have mountains of support anyway. Just move on and don’t contact them, see if they get in touch with you

SleepingStandingUp · 17/03/2025 19:15

You don't need too force anything. Let DH take the lead on what contract there is going forward, no need for you to communicate with them. Concentrate on the people who showed they cared

DaxyLover · 17/03/2025 19:18

You're all so very right. I dont want to waste anymore energy on it but cant help feeling hurt.

I could never be one of those grandparents. I want to see my grandkids all the time 😥

OP posts:
littlemissprosseco · 17/03/2025 19:24

You will feel hurt, that’s normal. But don’t waste any more of your energy on it, they’re not!!
Just move on. Knowing where they’ve placed you

SometimesCalmPerson · 17/03/2025 19:25

Your son has three grandparents who clearly love and care for him and for that, he is fortunate.

Ph3 · 17/03/2025 19:26

OP it’s really sad - and of course you will feel hurt. But I think you have to focus on all the other wonderful people you have in your life. Your village. But I do feel your pain. Mum is very self centred so I do get where you are coming from.

ThejoyofNC · 17/03/2025 19:28

Sounds like you have multiple wonderful grandparents for your child. Don't waste your time on the rubbish ones, they won't change.

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