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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No card for anniversary

10 replies

CruisingDuck · 17/03/2025 15:29

Wedding anniversary today, not a significant number, but I still acknowledge it with DH each year, vice versa, normally with cards and a small gift under £20.

This year, no card from DH. This morning I gave him a card, one of those large slabs of Galaxy chocolate and a small Lego set. Spent £25. He was happy. He made a joke saying "I've not got you anything". I just laughed thinking he had forgotten, so would get something from shop later. He has been out this morning to an appointment and is now back home working. Nothing, not a card.

I'm not bothered about a gift, tbh, but I'm a bit sad that he didn't bother with a card.

AIBU to feel a bit let down? I know it's a card in the grand scheme of things, but I'm quite a sentimental person and tbh both sets of our parents and friends can send a card to us, it would be nice for DH to make the effort too.....

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 17/03/2025 15:34

Yes, I’d be sad in this position. Because it’s a material change from what you usually do and expectations around it - and that can often signify a deeper issue in a relationship - and that he also didn’t seem interested in rectifying it once he realised.

You need to tell him that you’re upset about it: not necessarily simply that he’s forgotten, but that it seemed he didn’t forget, rather just didn’t think it was important, and if that’s the way he feels then why have things changed for him.

Original poster
CruisingDuck · 17/03/2025 15:38

I did half jokingly ask him "Are you going to Tesco" with a cheeky look. He said his head is pounding so no. He's away up to lie down in a dark room.

It's a card FGS, I know, but it's a bit sore.

OP posts:
Sbeenawhile · 17/03/2025 15:43

Yeah that's poor on his part. Forgetting is one thing, (we all do it from time to time), but to realise his mistake and not attempt to rectify the situation says to me that he doesn't care. I'd give him a chance to nip out after work and grab a card but if he doesn't, then I'd definitely raise it with him. Better to make him aware that it's upset you now rather than holding onto it.

Original poster
CruisingDuck · 17/03/2025 15:47

Sbeenawhile · 17/03/2025 15:43

Yeah that's poor on his part. Forgetting is one thing, (we all do it from time to time), but to realise his mistake and not attempt to rectify the situation says to me that he doesn't care. I'd give him a chance to nip out after work and grab a card but if he doesn't, then I'd definitely raise it with him. Better to make him aware that it's upset you now rather than holding onto it.

He won't be going anywhere now, He claims he's got a migraine so he's away to bed with an ice pack for his head.... Ach well

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 17/03/2025 16:06

It's not the cost, it's the lack of acknowledging that it's important to you ergo he made an effort.

Wider issues? Does he in many instances dismiss things that are important to you because they aren't to him?

Original poster
CruisingDuck · 17/03/2025 16:10

toomuchfaff · 17/03/2025 16:06

It's not the cost, it's the lack of acknowledging that it's important to you ergo he made an effort.

Wider issues? Does he in many instances dismiss things that are important to you because they aren't to him?

We're different in that sense - he's not bothered about cards etc, but he know I am. He didn't get me one at Christmas either... first time forgetting in all the years we've been together...

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 17/03/2025 16:25

CruisingDuck · 17/03/2025 16:10

We're different in that sense - he's not bothered about cards etc, but he know I am. He didn't get me one at Christmas either... first time forgetting in all the years we've been together...

Show quote history

He might not be a card person, but the lack of forethought when your other is, means you get them a card. If he doesnt know how much it means to you, then you need to start that conversation, let him know what is important to you.

Personally my important is time, we spend our time together and plan activities for special events, that's a decision we made together after understanding what was important to us both, it wasnt a decision one made for th other...

Esmereldapawpatrol · 17/03/2025 16:34

Happy Anniversary, it's mine today too!

I completely understand you feeling disappointed.

We ALWAYS do at least a card and I would be happy with just that as my DH always takes the opportunity to write some really lovely things. It's not about a present and money spent it's about taking the time to make your spouse feel cherished as it can go by the wayside in day to day life! I would definitely let your DH know you feel disappointed.

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 17/03/2025 16:51

He's a selfish dick. He 'forgot' both Christmas and your anniversary, yet he was happy to take your thoughtful gesture without even attempting to rectify.

If I were you I'd be eating the chocolate while he soothes his headache

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 17/03/2025 18:14

Get that galaxy munched, comfy on sofa and watch something you enjoy.

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