Being pissed off to the point of tears?

[wishfort]

While in the UK, I felt myself to be the one remind my siblings about birthdays, Mother's Day, etc. Didn't feel, was.
I always remember and mark theirs.

It continues now I'm in Oz.

Now I find that all birthdays for this side are forgotten- how can you flag up hey my/our/her special day is coming up why don't you do something you sad fucker?

The thing is our DD's first teen birthday had gone unmarked by anyone on my side. Second cousins and our ex-next door neighbours send a card.

Soo pissed off. What to do?

People bad at birthdays are just crap - I know because I am.

Express a bit of anger in their direction if you like! that's the best way to remind them...

for your daughter. Hope she had a good day.

Maybe next time you speak to them, drop in a little reminder by saying 'Oh I tell you about the day we have booked for my b-day/mothers day/anniversary etc'.

It will help to jog their memory.

My DP is crap at birthdays / anniversaries too. I didn't know any of the dates cos they were all his relatives so couldn't help either. His sister finally cracked it by giving him a calendar at the start of the year with all important dates marked in already. We've hung it in the kitchen and he now remembers them all - with prompting from me on occasion! Still requires a bit of effort on your part but it could work with some of your family.

I know how you feel. I am the youngest of six children. My DD was two yesterday and only two of my sibling remembered

It upsets me, but sadly I'm now used to it and haven't even passed comment to my mum or DH, I guess he's used to it too.

Oh I sympathise. It's so crap. I hate it when people say "oh you know me, I'm crap at birthdays" and expect you to commiserate! (don't mean you choosyfloosy, I am thinking here of my brothers!!)
I have in the past found myself putting family birthdays in my brothers diaries for them (they asked). It's OK to forget adults, but forgetting your daughter's birthday is well out of line. I would be beyond belief.
I now make sure everyone knows with very obvious "HEY IT'S ALMOST DDs BIRTHDAY" style messages on MSN and Skype. Can be quite effective with o/s relatives (as mine are)

I tend to remind people like my sister and BIL about the childrens birthdays or else they go un-noticed.

Thank you all for such immediate and comforting messages.
Naturally I want to visit my rels with rampant warts.

for your dd and I hope she had a good day.

My sister doesn't get any of us cards or anything yet I always get her and her dc's cards and presents. This year, what with all the hassle I am having with ds and school etc..., I forgot her birthday. The first time ever and I found myself pretending that I had left her card on the mantelpiece at home by mistake.

But why, if she never gets my family cards or anything, I shouldn't have felt bad but I did.

Sorry, went a bit off on one there. It is difficult keeping track but we have family and friends birthdays that we manage to keep track of and family definately.

Give your family lots of hints etc... and maybe drop in that your dd had a lovely day out for her birthday or something along those lines to see what they say.

I like miffymums idea about the calendar with families b-days and occasions marked on it for the year. Maybe you could send one to someone in your family and it could be their job to remind the others too.

I might do that for my DB.

Well, I'm crap at birthdays. I try hard, but I certainly don't remember all my nieces/nephews' birthdays (we all live in different countries).

One of my sisters will call me up on the day if she feels her dc would want to have me say hi, but often they are maxed out on phone calls so she doesn't bother.

My mum calls on mother's day so I can say happy mother's day.

I have to admit I don't see what the fuss is about, it's just another day. I lose no sleep when people forget my/ds' birthday.

IB - your mum calls you?! That's awful, poor her.

My SIL forgot DD's 1st birthday and she only has one niece . She's too busy rattling on about her step daughter who is 2

We just don't worry about it - DD has plenty of other lovely family and friends who think the world of her and take an interest in her on a daily basis, so it's just SIL who will miss out, not DD.

Why is it awful? I'm a mother too and mother's day in her country is on a completely different day than in mine (I sometimes call her when it's mother's day where I am).

Sometimes mum's xh calls to remind us it's mother's day and then I call her (and her first question is, 'so, have you been talking to xh?')

I do usually remember her birthday.

But I just fail to see what the big fuss is about.

Oh and I do take an interest in my family. Just not on a particular day iyswim.

I'm with ib on this one. Some people make a big big deal about birthdays and others are more low key. (SIL is the former, Dh and I are the latter). I think both sides get ticked off with the other. Some are also like me - just not really aware of what todays date is - so miss events that I know are on x day because I didn't realise today was actually x day. No malice or forethought required.

But really - just accept it and get on with your life - there are much bigger things out there to get stressed about.

ib and throck. Perhaps I didn't spell it out clearly. It's not about making a big deal, it's about noticing it at ALL. You know; card, email.

All of the people I've mentioned throw huge parties/meal sto celebrate their own/ sprog's birthdays, so no-on'e forgetting anything here.

As for "getting on with your life", throck, being part of my family in England IS my life, so it's something worth, as you express it it " stressing about", or "being concerned" as we call it.

I live abroad and know what you mean WISHFORT

When I go back to U.K I make a note of all the birthdays For the next 3 months(until I go back again)and get the presants then drop them off.And then phone them on the actual date

No-body seems to do that back except my parents .
If I can make an effort why can`t anybody else .?????

Make calenders with family photos on and then fill in all the birthdays, anniverserys, special days ect then hand them out as christmas gifts.

My SIL did that for her family

what I meant was - if you don't think things are going to change in that respect - then just accept it - enjoy the fact that you celebrated - whether they joined in is not really a huge issue.

And I stand by my other comment - in the grand scheme of things whether they actively mark a birthday or not is not that important.

(Eg my gran often missed my birthday - I still grew up and have fond memories of her - it didn't affect me long term).

is it possible that all you mad-gift givers are just a bit precious about this. Obviously you care more than they do. Maybe they don't think it's that important - out of sight out of mind? I have to say that I wouldn't make a special effort to mark a 'first teen birthday' but would for 18 or 21. We have people we know who send us wedding anniversary cards. Why? They weren't even invited to the wedding. What point are they making?

Out of sight out of mind it hurts when family do that.

DC don`t deserve it not when its not like that for the other grandchildren.They notice

My MIL phoned me to remind DH it was his sisters birthday coming up and that he MUST phone her.
The presant and card was already in U.k.And we were going to PHONE

She didnt phone us when it was dds(her grandaughters)birthday 2 weeks earlier[angry}