To tell her to uninvite her friend

[MyPurpleHeart]

Hi Everyone. Long and complicated one here

My friend, lets call her Jess, is having a big birthday. We don't live close by anymore but are still close, we talk every day and visit as often as we can.

All of her nearest and dearest are coming together for this big birthday. I have been organizing it with the help, and at the request of, Jess's husband.

As time has gone on her closest local friends have been inviting more and more people to the party, all people Jess knows and would love to celebrate with.

Except one

Ive spotted a name in the group of one person that has caused Jess a lot of trouble and issues over the last few years, Jenny. Jess tolerates Jenny because they are mutual friends of another woman they are both close with, lets call her Julie, and part of a much wider friendship group.

Julie is getting married this year and both Jess and Jenny are bridesmaids.

Just recently Jenny went out of her way to make spiteful remarks and really upset Jess. Jess is non confrontational and let it go, vowing to give Jenny a wide berth from now on, and be the bigger person for Julies sake.

Julie, oblivious to whats gone on, invited Jenny to the party.

Ive had so many calls advising me that Jess would not want Jenny there. In fact, Jenny would go out of her way to upset Jess. Just last week whilst out having drinks with a big group, Jenny got drunk and started an argument with Jess's husband and shouted abuse at Jess. Jenny seems to feel threatened by Jess and wants her out of Julies wedding.

Its a surprise party, i have spent a lot of money on tickets. I cant ask Jess outright if she wants Jenny there or not.

AIBU if i speak to Julie and tell her that its Jess's birthday, and maybe Jenny needs to sit this one out?

She and her DH are away at the moment, so when they get back on Wednesday I'm going to call her DH and say he needs to take the bull by the horns and uninvite Jenny, officially.

I told my DH I'd like to just throw her out of the whatsapp group with no explanation like she did to Jess in the hens group, but he said thats being petty

This is not going to be the end of the drama I'm sure, so ill definitely come back and update!

I don't think you should tell Jess anything. You can't order her to uninvite someone from a party. You could tell her Jenny has been invited and let her make her mind up.

This

Who added her to the wassap group?

Julie! I didn't realise who she was until someone called me about it

Her name is Jenny but she goes by J on the whatsapp group. We have never actually met so i didn't recognize her picture

I would give Julie (and by extension Jenny) the wrong date!

Jenny got drunk and started an argument with Jess's husband and shouted abuse at Jess.

It's now down to Jess' DH to ensure Jenny knows she is not welcomed to the party.

Remove her from the WhatsApp group then message Julie explaining that’s Jenny has been unkind to Jess in the past so you’re removing her from the group as numbers are getting out of hand. It’s your decision and you’re sure Julie will understand

Someone needs to tell Jenny she’s not invited ,give me her number il tell her.

Or get Jess’s husband to send that message to Julie. But just remove Jenny from the group. Simples

Create a new WhatsApp group specifically for the party and don't allow anyone but admin to add people to it. Use the numbers and formal invite suggestion by PP.

Hitler
Florence and her machine
and Kier Starmer the party pooper

Fingers crossed that Julie hasn’t invited them too.

But seriously, Julie sounds presumptuous, inviting whichever J the unwanted guest is, to both the WhatsApp group and the party itself.

How did it come about that people thought they could invite others? Is that down to your friend’s DH? I agree with discussing this with him.

@MyPurpleHeart Is Jenny spiteful enough to blab about the surprise to Jess if she gets uninvited? Might be something to consider.

Message in the WhatsApp “The invite list is getting out of hand and unfortunately people have been added to this group who shouldn’t have been. I’m going to remove them now but please speak to Jess DH before adding anyone else”. Then remove Jenny from the group so she can’t reply 😈

I cannot believe that Julie is a complete innocent in all of this.

Jenny threw Jess out of the Hen Night.
Julie had to reinstate.. so she does know.
She must have heard about Jenny being rude to Jess and Her DH recently.

Why then did she take it upon herself to invite Jenny to Jess's party?
Julie is a crap friend and stands by whilst Jenny is nasty to Jess.
I'd be advising Jess and her DH to pull out of the wedding.

Message Jenny to say, Party Cancelled. and boot her out of the what's app group. At the moment she's reading everything in that thread. Get Jess's DH to confirm.

I would be worried that uninviting her would cause more drama between them all. I'd also be gutted if Jenny ruined my friends party. I'd just be on hand and ready to just tell Jenny to piss off at the party if she kicked off, and tell her to leave. I mean, that would probably still cause even more drama, but then at least the could be cross with me instead of my friend that has to deal with them at the wedding. 🤷‍♀️🤔

Alternatively send Jenny a message saying its a fancy dress theme where she has to wear something so utterly ridiculous that she just leaves as soon as she turns up.

Tickets for a birthday?? Wtf

And also if Jenny already knows the details and when it is what's stopping her going

And if she's THAT bad who invited her

Id be really iffy with the person who invited the woman your friend doesn't like is there some kind of reason she wants to add her frienemy to this it's weird

I would definitely hand this over to Jess's husband to sort out!

It is simple OP. You tell Julie that she has fucked up by inviting Jenny. And that Jenny, especially given her recent behaviour, is not invited any more. Julie can tell Jenny, or you will tell Jenny.

And that she might want to reconsider who her bridesmaids are going to be given that one is a wanker who is going all out to make Jess' life awful.

Also Jess' husband needs to start talking to her about Julie and how being her bridesmaid is A Bad Thing and that she should back out. And he needs to be ready for one of the Evil-Js to ruin the surprise.

Julie and Jenny sound like utter bitches.

This sounds like something from school . Julie shouldn’t be tolerating Jenny treating Jess like this and doesn’t sound like much of a friend !!

I hope someone uninvites her if she's so horrible to the person who the party is for!

If it was me I wouldn't trust either the husband (bloke) or Julie (backstabber) to successfully uninvite Jenny. If you've never met her anyway, you have nothing to lose. Just phone her yourself to let her down and then delete her out of the WhatsApp group. I wouldn't even be thinking twice about this.

Or take up @RealEagle on her kind offer.

Jess and her husband come back from their holiday today, so I will call her husband when they are back and settled and tell him that Jenny is not invited and he needs to tell her so.

I also think that Julie is a shitty friend, and I told Jess this when they had a minor fall out, and Julie went shit talking her to Jenny who kicked her out of their hens whatsapp group quick as lightning and told all of the hens that she wasnt coming to the wedding anymore. It was very short lived, they made up quite quickly but Julie made no effort to tell Jenny to back off. I personally think Julie is a mean girl in an adults body who loves having Jenny do her dirty work because she doesn't have the balls herself.

When Jess was reinvited to the hens group, Jenny posted something along the lines of 'anyone who is added or removed from this group is at the request of Julie as its her big day'. Which upset Jess even further

The hen party is abroad and Jess spent a lot of money on flights and accommodation. When she was kicked out, i told her to cancel it all and book a lovely family holiday on the same date, as a big fat fuck you to them all. Thats what i would have done.

Jess is a kind and forgiving person and wants to keep the peace with them all. I'm like the devil on her shoulder telling her to fuck them all off and find nicer friends.

It will certainly make the party interesting when I come face to face with Julie. I would never cause drama and ruin Jess's celebration, but I wont go out of my way to break bread with someone who's a cunt just for the fun of it!

Any update @MyPurpleHeart ? I have lost track on who each J is!!