AIBU to be uncomfortable with the plan-WWYD?

[AmIAloneInThinking]

DC has been invited to a birthday party that’s a bit more out there and I feel uncomfortable about it all. Not sure if im being too over protective/precious or if this is totally normal for the age group etc.

It’s not for about another month but essentially the ‘party’ is a whole day trip that entails DC (who is Year 5) being dropped off at the train station shortly after 8am and going for a day out to an attraction which door to door will take 2 hours to get to. The arrangements are a bit vague in that it’s not clear how many kids are going or which adults will be there beyond the birthday child’s parents. Thing is I know this attraction will be really busy, and I know the group of kids who are likely to have been invited are fairly high energy.
Parent has said they expect to be back at the station around tea time. Other than saying hi at the school gates I don’t really know the parents and I just feel a bit uneasy about it all. DC funnily enough seemed a bit uncertain-liked the sound of the attraction but was taken aback when I said what the journey would be.

WWYD? Would you just go along too and accept you could end up being the extra pair of hands? Or would you just try to steer DC away altogether?

I'd take charge by asking these questions directly to the parent of the child who is arranging this. Possibly also stipulating some conditions/offering to join to help out if you're worried.

Honestly by year 5 I don't think I would question it too much. I would hope my kids were mature enough to have some responsibility for themselves and the adults were on hand to over see the day.
I am assuming this is somewhere like a theme park that is set up for children / family visits.
At most, I would ask how many adults to how many children.

I’d ask questions about the number of adults going and offer to accompany.

Sorry, I misread — it’s Year 5, not five year olds!

I’d ask questions but probably go myself too

I would just offer to accompany him if you’re worried but it sounds fine to me.

If DC fancied it I’d offer to go with & help out with parenting. I wouldn’t send my child 2hrs on a train with adults I didn’t know & so many unanswered questions.

Public transport ratios are 1:6. So theoretically 2 adults could take 12 children. But children they barely know, in a theme park, over-excited and no plan B in case of emergency? Like one child is injured or lost, the other has to deal with all the rest? That would be a hard no from me.
I take children on school trips, and it's really stressful. That's when you know the children, have sufficient (and trained) adults there, risk assessments in place years of experience, and detailed planning.
I would say that more than 6 children going would be too many. Even then, I'd want to know that there are at least 2 adults. I'd offer to help if my DC really wanted to go, and I would be asking all the questions you are thinking.

You are overthinking this. both you and your DC are a little hesitant.So you reply to parent organising that DD would love to attendn but she's a bit hesitant about the travelling and group dynamics. You ask if other adults are going or if you can tag along (paying for yourself).

Id want to know how many kids and how many adults before committing to anything, if in doubt I’d go too.

What "public transport ratios"? I've never heard that an adult is only allowed to take so many kids on a train - is this really a thing?! Even at 10 years old when most of them will be getting public transport to school in 18 months time?!

I think this is referring to how schools work out ratios for school trips. There are no "rules" for the general.public on trains.

What about letting DC have a day out without you trying to cancel it or tag along?

So they are aged 9/10? I wouldn't be too worried for that age group, I'd just remind dc to be sensible and tell them what they should do if they get lost.

I'd expect them to need pretty minimal supervision by that age tbh, they're only a year or two off independent travel to school, residentials, going into town alone and so on.

Can you give your son a phone or another way of getting in touch just in case of any transport mishaps? I recently had a lost child come up to me while on holiday in Amsterdam as she got off the tram at the wrong stop and lost her family so just wondering about that sort of scenario if these kids aren't used to train travel. Personally I'd be fine (though bemused - sounds like a crazy day for the parents!) to let my kids go 'if' they wanted to go. My daughter in particular is super sensible and would stay with the group etc. My son's friends are actually super high energy and a few of them have been known to be cheeky at times so I'd probably have a few questions if this was for him - just to make sure I was reiterating whatever safety plans they had (where to find people if they're separated maybe?). But if your son isn't keen and you aren't keen you can also just say no thank you.

I don't even think it will be as many as 6, who is paying for that many expensive train tickets, presumably food/drinks all day and the theme park itself

Chat with dc 'I'm not too sure about these arrangements, before I suss it out, how keen are you to go? I might need to insist on a few things so before I embarrass you, what do you think about it?'

Ask him how bothered he actually is about going, and if he is keen, speak to the parents taking tnem and find out the plan. You won’t know if you don’t ask. And then if you’re still unsure, offer to go along.

I wouldn't send a 9-10 year old 2 hours from home on public transport with adults I didn't know well and trust. Way too many unknowns.
You 10 yo might be very sensible, but if something goes wrong and he ends up separated he is too far from home for you to help,
I'd want to know how many adults and how many kids and who were going before I made a decision.
Totally different it was just 1 or 2 good friends going with the family for a day out, and if you knew the parents at least a bit.
Is you DC friends with the birthday kid? Ever spent time at their house with the parents there?

I agree with the pp - I'd suss out how much DC wanted to go. Give it a day or so and he'll probably be able to tell you who else is invited and maybe some other details as the kids talk to each other. But then I'd be asking questions about the arrangements, and would almost certainly offer to go with them or politely decline the invite. The parents must expect to be asked, and if they are not or if the answers are flaky then no I wouldn't be comfortable doing this.

Thank you for all the feedback and advice! Think I’ll leave things a bit open for now and get some more info with the aim of probably tagging along-I can always peel off for a few hours when there if it seems like everything is all ok.
The birthday child is a good friend but not a best friend so has been to our house but DC hasn’t been to their house. I don’t even know both parents names or where they live.

Think i’d feel happier if it was a bit closer to home but the journey alone is quite full on due to several train changes

You need to speak to the parents before deciding. I think the 1:6 ratio that schools use is good, hopefully the parents will decide how many adults once they know how many kids they have. I’d have been fine with letting my kids go if I knew and trusted the parents and I’d also have done this type of party for my kids (minus trains, I hate them). You would also assume hope that anyone whose child would find it challenging would accompany them.

Knowing nothing about the parents or who else is supervising? No way. I'd need a lot more information before saying yes to this. Not forgetting either that the 1:6 ratio that schools use is for people experienced at these sort of trips. Parents that I knew and trusted would be a different matter entirely.