To be worried about paternity!?

[NewlyConfused]

I've name changed for this as I know my DSIL uses the site and it's likely to be outing. I have a two year old. He was conceived, I had assumed, the first time I had sex with my husband after we got back together after a breakup. I was on the pill and we used a condom. I had regular bleeding during the pregnancy which meant I didn't find out until the second trimester and also made dating via periods impossible. The dating scan put the conception as with my husband. However, I had been dating a man for a couple of months and the last time I had sexual contact with him was during the previous cycle. I wasn't on the pill and we stupidly had PIV before putting the condom on. I realise this was idiotic. I bumped into him last week and I think he looks far more like my child than my husband does. This made me think about the fact that the baby was very large for his gestation (literally off the charts), to the point that I had to have extra growth scans. He's also measured at least 90th percentile at every health visitor appointment. I was relying on the dating scan but I'm now concerned that this might not be as secure an assumption as I'd hoped.

AIBU to assume that my husband is definitely the father based on the dating scan?

OP, I’m m sorry but this sounds like your boyfriends baby.

Dis you have a spontaneous labour? And what weight was your baby at birth?

You need to contact your ex boyfriend and asked him to take a paternity test. You needn't tell your husband anything unless the baby's father is your ex and then of course your husband should know he's not the father.

I don't think dating scans are that far out ?
Although there was never any question about my kids Dad I always had a very irregular cycle ( I could go months between periods)
So I had to off dating scans ,and they were very accurate, within a few days.

9lbs and not spontaneous, no - elective C-section. I did have a cervical stitch, though, due to cervical surgery last a couple of years ago following a cancer scare (part of the reason I was making stupid decisions, no doubt), so that could have played a part in the onset (or not) of spontaneous labor)

It’s highly unlikely that the dating scan at 14 weeks would be so off. They’re extremely accurate.

You can have big babies and be certain on dates. All of mine have been.

I'll order a test. There doesn't seem to be a simple 'the dating scan is always right' consensus here and everyone deserves the truth

I was 19 days over and baby was 7lb 11oz . So I didn't have a large baby.

Good luck! You are not the first and won’t be the last to be in this situation. I hope you get the answer you are hoping for x

Thanks so much for all of your input. I was expecting to be on the recieving end of some serious criticism and you've all been constructive and supportive. I really never expected to be in this situation and it's been a lot of help being able to ask a serious question and get measured responses.x

9lbs at 38w is pretty huge…

However it ends up, you're doing the right thing by being honest

It is but not unheard of, my friend has a little boy last year. She was 38 weeks and baby was 10lb 2oz.
Op should still get a DNA test done though.

1% of pregnancies have the ability to go to 43 weeks we just don’t see it as the nhs rules tend to have induction at 10-12 days over. DD was seen as been 75 centile for 38 weeks at 7lb 2 so yes 9lbs seems heavy

so yes he could be - legally btw as you were married yiur husband is the legal parent but there is a chance he could not be the actual father

So your dating scan was either at 14 weeks (DH's baby) or 19 Weeks (BF's baby)?

If so it's unlikely that the sonagrapher measured and incorrectly estimated a 19 week pregnancy for a 14 week pregnancy. There is a huge difference between these stages.

Did you suggest to them that you were 14 weeks pregnant or did the sonagrapher come up with that calculation without your input?

I couldn't cope with the uncertainty though and would still do a DNA test anyway. Good luck OP

I don't think I can add any useful information that hasn't already been said here, but I do want to wish you luck, OP. I hope you get the answer you want.

Sperm can love inside you for up to 6 days after unprotected sex so if you ovulated 6 days after that would be nearly a week less of pregnancy so 4 weeks rather than 5 if that makes sense

I think if I’ve read it right-that you’re asking if it’s possible you could have been dated as 14 weeks but actually closer to 19 weeks? If so then I can’t believe that’s possible-I know everyone’s talking about the conception dates etc but I had a few scans one at 14 weeks, 16 weeks and then 20 weeks and even the difference between 14-16 was a lot but at 19 weeks it’s a massive jump isn’t it! I just can’t see how that would be possible to mistake.

What awful advise.

OP and DH are married and supposed to be a team. OP needs to come clean about her doubts asap, so DH at the very least can prepare mentally for the worst.

Suggesting OP keeps quite and divulges this bombshell to her previous partner instead?

Even if the best outcome arose and DH turned out to be the father. There's nothing stopping the deceit making it's way back to DH via previous partner telling friends/colleagues about the 'paternity scare' he had with OP.

The best form of damage limitation and the best outcome for OP marriage is to admit doubts to her DH. It's ridiculous this has went unresolved for so long but as PP said managing this with a 2 yo involved is easier than waiting until DC is older.

We all make mistakes OP and it's never too late to take ownership of those mistakes. The mistake here being communicating your doubts earlier.

Being open and honest with DH is as important to preserving your own mental health as it is for DH benefit. That kind of lie will eat you up inside. Facing lifes' challenges with a clear conscience is way easier than trying to keep a facade going.

Good luck.

All my babies were born naturally at 42 weeks, they weighed

8lb 10
8lb 10
9lb

my cycles were around 30 days I think

It’s certainly on the larger side but not “huge”, and well within normal limits.

It’s a large baby but still within the ‘normal’ range. Mine was 9lb at 37 weeks exactly when he decided to come. I have big babies (no GD) and dates bang on to ovulation. It can be normal.

My thoughts are to save the DH any unnecessary heartache as he will have bonded with the child by now. If the OP organises this quickly, she'd have an answer soon and hopefully, the child will be her DH's. If he isn't, then of course she'll need to tell him straight away. I agree she should have sorted this out a long time ago, preferably voicing her doubts when pregnant so her DH would have had the option of not becoming 'father' to a son who isn't his.

In your scenario if DH turned out to be the father, there's no guarantee he won't catch wind of the paternity test sometime in the future? Since OP will presumably be asking the other man to partake in a paternity test. It would be reliant on other man from saying nothing to anyone ever.

I was induced at 41+2 and the midwife commented that the placenta looked really good considering the gestation, so yes even at that stage it is expected or at least not unusual to see signs of deterioration. My hospital only allow a maximum of 41+3 for this reason.