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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who swear all the time

83 replies

stoow · 17/03/2025 10:04

You are not big and not clever. Had to endure a woman on bus who swore at every other word.

Hate parents swear at kids. Best thing I heard was “stop f*cking swearing”. Well if you keep using swear words, kids won’t know if these words are fine.

OP posts:
FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 17/03/2025 10:07

I agree, I really don't like it.

Occasional swear words thrown into conversation with other adults is pretty normal so I accept it, but the people who swear at and around children are vile.

An accidental one if you hurt yourself is a normal parent thing, but like in your example is too far.

I personally don't tend to swear because I find it a really aggressive way to speak, but my DH swears quite a lot.

He doesn't swear at me and he limits it when in conversation with/around me though.

He would never, ever swear around a child.

ShortColdandGrey · 17/03/2025 10:11

I think some people swear so much that they don't realise they are swearing. I once worked with a woman that swore every second word. A few people put in a complaint to the manager and after he spoke to her she was in tears. She didn't understand why they were complaining because according to her she didn't swear that much. We no longer work together so I have no idea if she ever attempted to change how she spoke. If not she now has a child who probably swears every second word haha.

Gonnaenoe · 17/03/2025 10:17

Controversial one here. I’ve always sworn in front of my children. Not constantly, not every conversation, but it’s there. Never at them. I never shout at them either, it’s never said in anger. Just generally dropped in naturally as it might be anyway.

Growing up I was very timid and being raised in a house with very strict rules and parents who never swore. I found when I did hear this language it made me anxious and regardless of how anyone used it, I found it aggressive.

So, I chose to disarm swearing in my home. I never allowed my children to do it, just hear it. They would never jump at the words and they were never taboo. So to them it was never some secret rebellious fun to use them.

I have always explained, from an extremely early age, that language is important and understanding the language you use is important. Swearing is an important tool for adults - who understand the context and the weight of the words they are using. As a child they could not understand this, so they cannot use them without offending or hurting someone.

They are late teenagers now. They have never once sworn at me, or while fighting with each other. They have never sworn at teachers or been in trouble for bullying or offending anyone with how they use their language. If we are at home they ask “can I swear” before they do. Every time. I have told them I know they swear with their friends, and that they will never be in trouble for that so long as they aren’t swearing “at” them or as a way to offend/bully them.

They have also always, always understood slurs as words that I myself will never use and I would not stand for hearing them use, ever.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 17/03/2025 10:19

I love to swear 😭😭

In front of dd, I've limited it to only when I'm driving and stressed

I don't want her repeating the swear words as she's getting closer to being verbal now

But i love it, sometimes you just need to let out your stress

HarperStern · 17/03/2025 10:25

I don't mind swearing between adults but when people are very sweary it does mske me wonder what they do or say when something genuinely swear-worthy happens. When every other word is a c or f, surely it loses its stress-relieving force. Hate swearing around young kids though and remember my lovely uncle being very unimpressed at his son-in-law's 'hilarious' anecdote about his sweary 2 year old.

CynicalSunni · 17/03/2025 10:28

I swear sometimes especially when i hurt myself.
But the casual swearing where it litters the conversation is awful.
Came across someone arguing on the phone a couple of weeks back. 'Who the eff do you effin think you are, u have no effin life.' And of course it was on loudspeaker and the person on the the other end basically said the same thing!

Nearly laughed, never understood constant swearing (or arguing in public) as you cannot follow the conversation, you dont know if the person is angry or annoyed.

BigBellyBob · 17/03/2025 10:28

I'm not really bothered about swearing. I don't write swear words and I don't swear 'at' people, but I'll happily swear if I drop something for example.

In my opinion, the words are not important it's the intent that matters.

My mum would regularly shout at people that they are 'baskets'. It's not a sweat word, but the intent and venom behind it was as if it was worse!

People can use the c word with no venom or intent, then it means nothing really.

I genuinely and passionately feel the words don't matter, the intent and the way they r used, does....

Rainallnight · 17/03/2025 10:30

I swear like a fucking trouper around non-work grown ups, and not at all in front of my DC.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 17/03/2025 10:44

Growing up I was very timid and being raised in a house with very strict rules and parents who never swore. I found when I did hear this language it made me anxious and regardless of how anyone used it, I found it aggressive.

So, I chose to disarm swearing in my home. I never allowed my children to do it, just hear it. They would never jump at the words and they were never taboo. So to them it was never some secret rebellious fun to use them.

This has really chimed with me, I hadn't really thought about it but I've done the same thing for the same reasons. Swearing was forbidden when I was growing up, and my mum would turn films off etc if there was any hint of bad language. She slapped my face when I was 20 because I forgot myself and swore in front of her (we had just been involved in a car accident!).

We swear, not at people and not in front of children. I don't like constant swearing, when it's more a verbal tic - it cancels out its purpose. My young adult kids swear in front of me. For example they'll tell me when they're pissed off, or if they think someone on the TV's a dickhead (usually a fair observation considering we watch the news together). The only time one of them's said fuck to me was when, coincidentally, they'd had a car crash - he rang me and said 'My car's fucked!'.

JoyousEagle · 17/03/2025 10:48

BigBellyBob · 17/03/2025 10:28

I'm not really bothered about swearing. I don't write swear words and I don't swear 'at' people, but I'll happily swear if I drop something for example.

In my opinion, the words are not important it's the intent that matters.

My mum would regularly shout at people that they are 'baskets'. It's not a sweat word, but the intent and venom behind it was as if it was worse!

People can use the c word with no venom or intent, then it means nothing really.

I genuinely and passionately feel the words don't matter, the intent and the way they r used, does....

Completely agree. You can be horrendously rude/horrible/cruel/mean without swearing at all. And you can say “oh fuck” if you break something, and it’s not directed at anyone and I don’t really see why it’s any more offensive than saying “oh bother” when the sentiment is exactly the same.

Ladamesansmerci · 17/03/2025 11:01

It depends how you're using it. It's not okay to swear at others. And there are obviously some places you wouldn't swear e.g. work meeting with a client.

Day to day language with other adults is fine. Swearing at your child is vile. Saying 'oh shit' because you dropped something in front of a child is different. Swearing is part of life. Teens will inevitably swear because all young people do at some point. They need to learn when it's acceptable. My child is only a baby, but I'll have no issue with hearing 'Mum, Mr X really pissed me off today at school', when she's a teen, but I won't accept being sworn at. I think sometimes letting someone describe how they feel in their own words is more important than policing language.

I don't like hearing it as every other word, and I think it loses its potency. I reserve swearing for if someone truly has been a c or if something really is f* annoying!!

RunningJo · 17/03/2025 11:05

Swearing doesn't bother me, I swear, either in humour, because I've hurt myself, or maybe in response to something awful that's happened.
It doesn't bother me to hear it, but I don't like people who use swear words in place of a full stop in general day to day conversations. Sometimes there is absolutely no need for it and it isn't appropriate
But it is very rare that am I offended by hearing it, & wouldn't swear around children.

biscuitsandbooks · 17/03/2025 11:07

Swearing doesn’t bother me - some of the rudest people I know have never sworn in their lives.

Berlinlover · 17/03/2025 11:14

I’ve never met an intelligent person whose every second word was a swear word. Only the ignorant and inarticulate speak like that.

dudsville · 17/03/2025 11:18

It's an assumption to think that people think they're being both big and clever when they swear. For me it's just a part of the vocabulary I use, I don't think, "ooh, get me, I'm sooo cool".

FatherFrosty · 17/03/2025 11:19

I swear, lots and probably too much for some on here. Years of working in male dominated environment. Never swear AT my children, occasionally around them, which is a bit more now they are teens.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 17/03/2025 11:22

dudsville · 17/03/2025 11:18

It's an assumption to think that people think they're being both big and clever when they swear. For me it's just a part of the vocabulary I use, I don't think, "ooh, get me, I'm sooo cool".

Totally agree, I swear quite a bit but never at people or in front of kids...I don't think I'm cool, it's just natural

FatherFrosty · 17/03/2025 11:45

Same as me. It’s just my vocabulary and forms the pattern of the way I talk. I don’t swear and look for reaction.

I went to see Book of Mormon and thought that’s exactly what they were trying to do, use swearing as a way to seem edgy and cool.

biscuitsandbooks · 17/03/2025 11:47

dudsville · 17/03/2025 11:18

It's an assumption to think that people think they're being both big and clever when they swear. For me it's just a part of the vocabulary I use, I don't think, "ooh, get me, I'm sooo cool".

Same, it’s just normal.

treesandsun · 17/03/2025 11:59

I swear - quite a lot - sometimes swearing is the only way to add the emphasis needed.

One of the problems with swearing these days is that people seem less aware of context and do not switch it off when it is not appropriate - ie around children - people you don't know. I don't swear at anyone (although I do about people) - I swore around my children (but infrequently) but never at them. My partner swears less - apart from when driving when he is triggered by other drivers. They have never sworn (in my hearing) but would be surprised if they didn't at times with friends.

KrisAkabusi · 17/03/2025 12:02

I don't think anyone that swears thinks they are being big or clever, it's just something they do, probably because it's what they've grown up with.

TheSassyTraybake · 17/03/2025 12:03

In front of children is agree, but I also have to say I have no time for adults who claim to be offended by swearing. We’re all adults, we all know these words - grow up. Studies have also shown that people who swear frequently are more trustworthy and more intelligent. So turns out they might be being clever!

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/01/26/health/swearing-benefits-wellness

Swearing benefits: Why cursing is a sign of intelligence, helps manage pain and more | CNN

Oh the profanity! Swearing is a social no-no, but studies have shown that cursing can serve a useful place in our lives, especially when it comes to mind over matter.

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/01/26/health/swearing-benefits-wellness

Huckyfell · 17/03/2025 12:07

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LauritaEvita · 17/03/2025 12:07

Same as some others have said, I love swearing. I actually remember being a kid and thinking that I couldn’t wait to be a grown up so I could swear more.

TheSassyTraybake · 17/03/2025 12:09

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Been an accountant for 15 years and thoroughly believe you can’t do accountancy without swearing!