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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think a male friend will probably always me my soulmate

7 replies

Celia24 · 17/03/2025 03:29

I had a childhood friend I spent all my time with until his family moved to another country. Despite being milennials we wrote letters to each other for years after this and spoke on the phone every other night.

We then had a series of relationships, none worked out. He told me I was his exact type and that we’d marry someday which I brushed off! We then dated several other people and then ended up living in the same country. We went on holiday with our partners and remained close.

Now I’m with a man I’ll probably marry. He’s likely a better match than my friend because we are compatible rather than passionate and fiery.

last week sent me a song that reminds him of me. It’s about a man of his nationality that proposes to a woman of my nationality. I have a deep love for him like family. We’re both early 30s and I think we’ll always wonder if but never take action and spend our lives with other people. We’ve now been friends for 22 years.

I just felt like getting that out. Sometimes I’m fine with it and other times I just feel sad about unfinished business…

OP posts:
Celia24 · 17/03/2025 03:33

I should add that when I was 17 he expressed interest but I was in a relationship for a decade. Then when I was 20 I changed my mind and wanted to give it a go.

He wasn’t sure because he said he wanted me to be in his life forever but most relationships didn’t work out. Ultimately nothing happened. That was 10 years ago.

OP posts:
MyGhastIsFlabbered · 17/03/2025 03:34

No I think after 22 years if it was going to happen it would have by now. But are you sure you should marry current DP if you’re thinking about this other man as your soul mate? How would you feel if you took action and lost him as a friend?

Celia24 · 17/03/2025 03:37

@MyGhastIsFlabbered in a way I think you’re right. That something would’ve happened by now if it was going to. On the other hand, we’re both very loyal people and remained loyal to our long term partners over the years. But I don’t doubt there’s something between us.

As I said, I’m not sure DP is a soulmate in the same way but I think he’s my best partner. Extremely loving and good to me, kind and intelligent. I think we’ll have a good life together.

I’ve also thought of some women friends as soulmates.

OP posts:
Exasperated24 · 17/03/2025 03:46

I think you’re being very unfair to your current partner.

Does he know you think of this other person as your soul mate.

No?

Thought not.

Celia24 · 17/03/2025 03:51

@Exasperated24 not in those words but he knows we are close.

What I mean by soulmate is we’re the female and male version of each other. We have a niche interest in common and get each other in a way others couldn’t.

i don’t necessarily think soulmates make the best partners. My other good friend spent time with both of us and said ‘I don’t think he’d make as good a partner to you as he does a friend’. She’s probably right.

OP posts:
Itwasallyellow2 · 17/03/2025 04:47

I think your friend’s comment is pertinent. I also think it is natural to think of close friends and wonder what might have happened if you had formed a relationship. I tell myself that if it was meant to have happened, it would have - simple as that. The qualities we love in our friends are not always the same as those we want in a partner. I agree that it feels like unfinished business though and maybe you need to pause for a while in your current relationship while you think this through. Maybe just reflect on that for a while because how that makes you feel will give you your answer.

toomuchfaff · 17/03/2025 16:41

No no no no

If you were "soul mates" then what was keeping you apart? Other partners? Those relationships must have been godly to keep you away from a soul mate? One person single? the other one could've split and started your life?

BS manipulative gaslighting crap. If the person really truly thought they wanted you in their life, they'd have made it happen.

Forget this joker, move on with your life

Reassess your current person, because you are thinking of ditching them for a pipe dream. Hardly fair on them that you're "settling" for them is it?

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