To think it’s impossible to have a good relationship with one parent if they’re still married to the other?

[AdeptEagle]

I’m estranged from my entire family due to abuse and my mother was an enabler. I’ve given her multiple chances post-estrangement, but every time, she pretends she can have a relationship with me separately, only to eventually drag my dad back into the picture, putting me at risk. So, I had to cut her off too.

If she weren’t with him, I feel like things might be different. But as long as they’re together, I don’t see how I could ever have a proper relationship with her.

Is it ever possible to have a genuine, healthy relationship with one parent while they remain married to the other, especially in cases like this?

What a horrible situation, I expect your father is putting pressure on her and he sounds an awful person to deal with. I think your mother will be in a really hard position living with him all the time and I'm not surprised this is working out as it is, it must be really awful for you and not much better for her. I think you are probably right and it's near impossible to get someone who can have almost parallel lives and not let them overlap.