Mum says I don't see her enough but she makes no effort with me

[CJP2016]

I am in my 30's married with two children. I would like to have a closer relationship with my Mum but I find her hard work. My Mum remarried about 15 years ago and although I get on with her husband he is also difficult. He comments constantly that I don't see my Mum enough or if I contact her it's because I want something. His comments have influenced my Mum and now she even makes snide comments. I have a younger brother who also has two children and my Mum and her partner see them all the time as my Mum has always looked after them once a week while my brother and SIL worked and picked them up from school. Dare I say it but I feel they favour them as they are boys and have commented that my girls are 'difficult'.
If I asked my Mum to look after my children 9 out of 10 times she would so I am not saying that she won't look after them/help me out, but she won't actively say she'd like to see them or ask to look after them.
We all live close (5 mins drive/10-15 walk away) to each other.
I am happy to make more of an effort to see my Mum but I feel that she could also make an effort and come to see me and my children. She works part time (as do I) but I have the kids and their after-school activities etc whereas she has a lot more free time. Am I being unreasonable to expect this?

I recognise that dynamic of the rules being different for female children, like our main role is to run around after others and always put them first. I also recognise the situation where you're expected to visit them, and they don't expect to put in any effort to visit you and even explicit invitations are declined.

And then they wonder why you don't have the closest relationship with them. Somehow it's always our fault...

I've long since come to the realisation that some parents are just a bit shit and that people who have better parents just don't get it.

It sounds like you’re stuck in a bit of tit for tat loop. I’m not going to hers because she won’t come to mine but she wants to see you and DC more and you want to see her more. Something has to give somewhere for anything to change.

You’ve said when you ask her to look after DC she does and when you (used to) invite them over for dinner/takeaway they’d come. So do that more? Why did you stop?

Go to them once a month and invite her to come to you once a month. You’re immediately doubling how often you see them and it’s equal effort for both of you. Sunday dinner, BBQ, takeout, quick catch up over coffee and cake etc.