Dinner with ex wife ?

33 replies

Mimicat723 · 16/03/2025 09:19

Hello
Ive been with my partner 11 years , he’s a good man and my soul mate . He has 2 sons 26 and 29 with his ex wife . He’d been divorced years when I met him . She has never met anyone else .
From what I’ve heard in the past , she absolutely rinsed him when they divorced , he gave everything to her , he ended up for a couple of years sleeping on friends sofas .
From day one of meeting him she’s always been there , ringing him up at first getting him to do DIY round her house , the 2 sons don’t have partners and there’s been issues with them growing up , nothing major but she babies both of them and they live with her .
Christmas , Fathers Day , Birthdays he goes over there , his mum passed away last year and she went to the funeral even though she hadn’t seen his mum for 15 years .
Youd have thought I’d be used to it , but yesterday as it was his birthday in the week he was going out with his 2 boys for dinner , but he got home and I found out she’d gone too ! I feel so angry about it . AIBU?
Its messing with my head !

OP posts:

NiceProblems · 16/03/2025 13:51

This has been going on for eleven years? It’s not going to change now.

Anchorage56 · 16/03/2025 13:51

Given the children still live with the ex I dont think it's as bad as some people are making out. It is possible to have a friendly relationship with the mother of your children and go to their house on special occasions etc.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 16/03/2025 14:01

This is literally never going to change now.
And it is utterly ridiculous. They aren’t anywhere near children now and if he starts to say “no” to her and finally put boundaries in place, what’s she going to do? They are perfectly capable of maintaining a relationship with him and she can’t stop him or them.
I do sometimes feel for the men who find themselves between a rock and a hard place where their ex is absolutely willing to use the children as pawns, but that doesn’t wash here by a long way.
But 11 years and this won’t change. You have 3 options:

accept it
leave
give him an ultimatum to get his sh*t together where ex is concerned or you’ll leave. But with any ultimatum you must be prepared to follow through, so option 3 could easily turn into option 2. But at least then you know where you stand and can stop living in this uncomfortable limbo.

Orangesinthebag · 16/03/2025 14:10

You say he's your "soul mate" but are you his?

It doesn't matter what the ex wife is like, she could be lovely, she could be manipulative and odd but no one can force an adult to do things they don't want to do.
Your partner is choosing to do all these things which annoy you and, if you have rowed about it before, then he knows they annoy you but is still choosing to do them.
Take her out of the equation entirely and look at his behaviour choices and ask yourself (and him!) why he is constantly making those choices.

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 14:57

how well do you get on with his sons op?

GreyCarpet · 16/03/2025 15:35

Thing os, OP. You describe him as your soul mate.

See, I have no time for such nonsense but I'd have thought that this is exactly the sort of situation that wouldn't arise with a soulmate.

Ketchupbroc · 16/03/2025 15:38

GreyCarpet · 16/03/2025 15:35

Thing os, OP. You describe him as your soul mate.

See, I have no time for such nonsense but I'd have thought that this is exactly the sort of situation that wouldn't arise with a soulmate.

Or at least not one where both parties see one another as opposed to his ex wife as as their soulmate

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 16/03/2025 15:45

Mimicat723 · 16/03/2025 11:05

I’ve spoken to him about it on numerous occasions over the years . We just end up rowing and dont talk to each other for a couple of days , it then gets forgotten about until the next time 😖

Yeah. He's your soul mate 🙄🥺

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