For not allowing this?

[Hungryallthetimee]

So when ex and I split 8 months ago he got to choose the days he had the kids, I have tried numerous times to get him to do every other weekend and now when it suits him he wants to take them camping but I have said no. He took them away for a week with his new gf in Feb and I was willing to be amicable about days but he hasn’t budged at all when I needed his help. I have said out days are our days and they don’t change.

Ex said I am punishing the wrong person, I am not

Well you kind of are if the kids are missing out on a holiday. Just use it to bargain - you'll agree but he has to be more flexible with you too.

But he isn’t, there is no reason why every other weekend can’t work for us both but he never budges with my suggestions! Why should I be the one roll over all the time like he calls the shots

Is there any other reason you don't want the kids to go on holiday except point scoring with ex?

Can you not work it on maybe a two/three month rota? Sit down and do blocks of two or three months to suit you both? Might just give a bit more flexibility than being tied to every other weekend if you really can't be flexible about it. You've just got to put the kids first and what's best for them.

Your children will be the ones missing out. Don't use them as a weapon.

No I want them to go but he never budges for me and I obviously don’t like the OW will be there but I will allow it but things need to be fair

You are not putting the kids first here.

Obviously I will allow it when it comes to it but he also needs to do the same which he never does

What days does he usually have the kids & what do you want to change?

Will this backfire if you want to take them away?

It must be frustrating if he isn't willing to be flexible too. But be the bigger person for your kids sake.

What’s the current contact pattern? You don’t say beyond he won’t agree to EOW so is he having them more or less than that?

Generally a bit of flexibility is good for everyone but not if it’s only one way.

It is only one way. He said he needs his Saturdays, he has them on the days that I work, Sun, Mon and takes then to school Tuesday and won’t even consider any other day. I have been there if he has appointments, car breaks down etc but he is never there if I need him, Infact, I wouldn’t even ask.

You can't play tit for tat with him when the only losers are your children.

Be the better person and let them go camping.

I will. I just saw this as an opportunity to get my point across. They will end up going but he also needs to see what I am dealing with on the other side.

It’s just really frustrating as I just feel as though he gets to call all the shots. It’s really not fair, he doesn’t even see how they are through the week etc he just gets the fun side of it.

There is a compromise here. Allow flexibility for things the kids benefit on line this trip but don't for his appointments etc that are nothing to do with them. Or do, but formalise it in a written message that you are doing it and expect repricocity, ideally with an actual date. He gets one shot to prove he's holding up his end and if he doesn't you don't play ball.

Yes. I will just say anything that benefits the kids we allow but anything else…

You are punishing the wrong people. Plus, if you’re going to let them go camping anyway, what did initially saying no achieve?

Because this is about him picking and choosing what suits his life and it isn’t fair. I had them on his days a few weeks ago as he had an appointment and I asked him to have them on a Friday and he said he would have to speak to his gf first!!

I would let the kids go on the camping holiday and things they would enjoy.

But if he has appointments/ car breakdowns etc refuse to take on his days if you can.

He cant back out of his parental time because of appointments. Especially if he doesnt help you out