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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband is being distant and no sex

4 replies

NavyFox · 16/03/2025 08:53

Hi, I am 33 weeks pregnant with our first baby. My husband and me generally get on well day to day but definitely have our ups and downs. We were getting on amazing in January into Feb. However I noticed he was distant in December and I felt like it was ok jan/Feb. Then it was becoming a problem for me as we hadn't had sex since at least early January, possibly Christmas time. I couldn't understand why because we had been getting on so well and never go that long without sex. I've brought it up with him around 5 times now. He said it was because I say I'm tired..but I never say it in that context and i have since stopped saying it because i feel hes just using it as an easy excuse. I said that to him after valentines but nothing has happened since. I've asked again and he said its because we haven't been getting on well this month. But I'm upset with him because he's being very distant and I feel like there's a problem. I don't know what it is but something is telling me he's not being honest. I've asked him if there's someone else, is it the baby, is it how I look with a big bump. He said no to someone else and said the whole tired thing. We are not close, I feel like we are roommates right now. I am tempted to buy a sofa bed for the spare room. It's causing me alot of worry and anxiety wondering if theres a problem hes not telling me. It's not just the sex, he's no where near as intimate in terms of touch as he was. He gave me a hug on Friday and I was so shocked, it was the first time in what feels like a long time. I have tried with him but he told me he was watching the football. I haven't tried since as I don't want to push something that's not wanted. I am not sure what else to do as I've tried talking to him. To add , he is not an open person and does not talk well. He has been known to lie to me so this doesn't help. It is really getting me down. Thanks

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 16/03/2025 08:57

It could be a number of things - not necessarily an affair.

I’d hold fire, and see how life is after you’ve had the baby - you will both have to make adjustments then. 😊

Helpmetogetoverthis · 16/03/2025 10:05

I think some men just don't like having sex with heavily pregnant women, particularly when you can see the baby moving etc. They also find it hard to say this, particularly when it could be taken badly by their partner.

Are you sure it's not that but he just doesn't know how to say it?

Cosmos24 · 16/03/2025 10:17

Sorry you’re having such a tough time. I’m 35 weeks and my husband is still being lovely but he has definitely gone off sex. I’ve mentioned it a few times and asked if he’s stopped finding me attractive and he said no he does still find me attractive but he feels weird having sex when the baby is there. I mentioned this to a friend and she said the same thing happened to her with their first, but as soon as the baby was born it went back to normal.

Obviously there could be a number of other factors going on, but I found it reassuring to hear that it wasn’t just me! Hope that helps 😊

HomeBodyClub · 16/03/2025 10:23

He could be worried about becoming a dad or feels uncomfortable with your bump. I wouldn’t push the matter too much right now and definitely don’t buy a sofa bed. It will make things worse.

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