Is he a narcissist

[Cherryliqueur]

Husband is behaving very strangely - he seems to be a jeykell and Hyde character - his mood turns on a pin - one minute lovely the next you're treading on eggshells for fear or upsetting him or doing something wrong in his eyes - for example he puts the remote on the mantle when he's done - I left it on the arm if the chair last night - I was going to watch a film as he was going out this morning but he decided to go and watch something before he goes out - this morning I had the I don't understand why you don't put it back in the right place? Right place for who exactly? I'm getting the impression that he doesn't like it if I do things differently to how he does them .
I'm newly married and didn't live with him before marriage so didn't really know how picky and fussy he is - have I made a dreadful mistake?

If you’re newly married, my thoughts are that you have time to establish what you will and won’t accept from your DH, in terms of behaviour.

Our tendency, when being attacked, is to defend ourselves, but you’re more likely to maintain equal “power” in the relationship, if instead of trying to explain yourself, you call out the behaviour.

For example,

DH: “Why did you leave the remote there, when you know that’s not where it goes?”
You: “You seem very upset about this, when it’s a rather small thing. Why is this so important to you, or is there something else that’s bothering you? Are you okay?”

Use a calm, assertive tone and body language. Don’t apologise for these sorts of things. Keep an eye on his reaction. If it blows out of proportion, you’ll know he doesn’t have a lot of self control and maybe you need to think about what you want from there. If there’s danger of it becoming physical, get yourself out of there immediately.

Have you moved into his house? It seems he is treating you a bit like a lodger who may use the facilities according to his rules. You are his wife and have equal status in your home. I think you are going to have to have a serious conversation about what each of you expects from marriage and how you will go about living together and communicating.

Sorry OP but massive red flag ..
Can I ask you , how come you married someone you never lived with before ? ..
I know a man who never lived with his wife before they got married as her parents would not allow it , ( very religious people)
They are married 15 years & he has a mistress.. They work well together for the kids & financially are well suited .. That’s it though ..
A disappointing marriage….

Well, you're making it sound like his behaviour is a given and cannot be changed. But if you stand up for yourself and nip it in the bud, it probably can.

Don't tread on eggshells, and try to lose the fear of "upsetting him" (he's a grown man, not a sensitive toddler ffs). Say what you've said to us ("right for who?" etc) and tell him, every single time, that you are not a child and he is not your dad, and you are not to be spoken to like this.

If you settle into this dynamic now, where he dictates every little detail of how things are in your home and acts like he's in charge and you have to do what he says, it'll stick. Don't.