To wonder why dsis is settling for this guy?

[ramboe]

My younger sister (ok she’s 30) has finally started dating someone after being single for over 5 years. She is pretty, very smart, mc upbringing, has a professional job. Dsis’ wants to have a family and a comfortable life.

The guy she is dating is not what anyone would expect. Not even dsis. He isn’t much of a looker, not particularly intelligent, ‘different’ upbringing, and doesn’t have a professional or well paying job.

AIBU to privately wonder why she is settling for him?

Does she seem happy?

Are you auditioning for lead role in Emma in your local am dram society?

Is he employed and reasonably solvent? Kind, considerate, nice to her?

What someone's parents did and if they were brought up 'middle class'would be so far down the list of important traits to me that it wouldn't even be on it.
But then I'm not a raging snob who thinks 'professional' ie white collar jobs are somehow superior and make you a better person.

If she has been single for 5 years I would credit her with dating him because there is something about him that she thinks is worth it and will make her life better than being single. I'd rather that than people who are virtually never single, how picky can you be if you are just desperate to fill the role?

Maybe she's chosen somebody that's actually nice, treats her well and isn't a judgemental wagon?

You sound like a stuck up judgemental nob.

Are you concerned she will end up carrying him financially? Is he a nice person? Does he treat her well?

Maybe the type of men you think would be suitable are not interested in her, and after 5 years single has decided this is the best she can do.

AIBU to privately assume you're shallow and materialistic as you haven't mentioned anything whatsoever about whether he's kind, caring, funny, hardworking, thoughtful, honest and upbeat about life?

I expect she finds him funny and interesting, sexy and loving. The things you list aren’t what I’m interested in. My partner of 35 years is very different to me. He is my heaven.

Everything you’ve mentioned is materialistic. Anything on his character? I think your post is very telling about the things that you deem important.

You didn’t actually answer the poster though?

Presumably after 5yrs single she's made an active choice in selecting someone she really wants to date? If she's smart then she's not grabbed on to a man whose not going to tick her boxes.

Perhaps they're compatible in many areas that are important to her (not you!). Maybe she's viewing him as potentially someone she would like to start a family with, possibly they've discussed she would like to be the bread winner and he envisioned being a stay at home dad. Looks fade, money isn't everything, being happy is important.

Could you be more scathing? Internalised misogyny at its finest.

So you're jealous?

I think you are probably assuming he isn't intelligent as he isn't middle class. Class is clearly important to you as you felt the need to add that. Maybe he actually is intelligent and has many other positive personality traits that you don't see as you are only surface level.

Lol this made me chuckle.

Reading these threads on MN has convinced me that if DH does before me or we split up, I will NEVER date again.

Perhaps he has hidden talents or attributes

OP- how do you know he's not intelligent?
Is this based on his profession? The university he went to ( or not?)

Perhaps she got tired of waiting (5 years!) to find someone from the right class.

I have said YANBU because I don't think you are for thinking those things.

He could be a thoroughly decent bloke, however, you probably won't appreciate those kinds qualities until you get to know him a bit better.

I know so many unhappy marriages, where the people involved 'tick all the boxes' but turn out to not be great life partners. Equally I know people that marry deadbeat partners and they become a drain in the marriage.

At the moment you just don't know him so you don't know if he's a good egg.

Maybe he's hung like a donkey?