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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel lonely all the time ?

13 replies

Twinklestar9 · 15/03/2025 22:40

I have lost my mum recently and it just doesn’t get better. Some days it hurts so much that I just don’t want to be here- I’m dreaming about her constantly, I want to see her & I do believe that I will see her soon. I feel like every day that passes I’m closer to seeing her.

When I say we were close I do mean it. We were all the time doing things together, we talked every single day, we were going together on a holiday every year, sometimes few times a year. She was giving me the best advice. We were going shopping together, she loved it. I have the same career as her, we would always give advice to each other re our work. We used to work together. I would have always chose to spend time with her than anyone else.

Please don’t get me wrong I did have a life and I do have friends and I have my own family now but I feel like I just want to go back in time and do my life again with her.

She was the most amazing and nurturing mum - she has never been abusive towards me and my sibling.

OP posts:
KylieKangaroo · 15/03/2025 22:46

I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like you had a great relationship which is to be cherished and can never be replaced. I lost my Mum last year and it feels like there is something missing ever since.

Smokeyblueblack · 15/03/2025 22:46

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Losing one's Mum is a traumatic event.

I didn't have a good relationship with mine and yet her death hit me really hard .
So given how close you were to yours it's only natural you are missing her so much.

I'm afraid it will take time but things will get easier for you.

Lanifers · 15/03/2025 22:49

Aw I’m really sorry you lost your mum :( Take it easy on yourself , one step at a time

Summatoruvva · 15/03/2025 22:53

I remember the fantasy of being together again as one of the most unnerving parts of the grief process. The rawness does pass.

Your mum sounds wonderful.

Keep all of that positive and loving energy she gave to you alive and flowing with the people you have left.

NewMarmiteJar · 15/03/2025 23:06

Could you try to reframe it to feel very lucky to have had such a wonderful mother? Could you drive this intensely sad energy into feeling proud and grateful? I don’t know if that’s possible.

My mother should never have had me and thought nothing of telling me and everyone else this fact. Instead of loving and supporting she eroded and manipulated her way through motherhood.

Try to remember her with joy, she was a fantastic mother. Flowers

Hollyhedge · 15/03/2025 23:10

Grief is brutal. Your mum sounds brilliant. Take care of yourself

Webbing · 15/03/2025 23:12

I don’t know if it helps to know that with time you will come to a peace with this loss. Try to remember the happy memories and do things to honour your mother’s memory whether that planting flowers in her memory having a coffee in a favourite place you both enjoyed or putting on some of her perfume. It is a huge loss. My mother was unwell for several months and so we had a long farewell but even still it was difficult to carry that emptiness. Hugs to you and be kind to yourself..your mother would not like to see you so down abd sad.

Original poster
Twinklestar9 · 15/03/2025 23:15

KylieKangaroo · 15/03/2025 22:46

I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like you had a great relationship which is to be cherished and can never be replaced. I lost my Mum last year and it feels like there is something missing ever since.

I’m so sorry for your loss - it’s a loss that we all deal with differently. I hope you are doing ok.

For me it feels like my whole
identity and joy from life has been taken away after her diagnosis and passing away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinklestar9 · 15/03/2025 23:20

Webbing · 15/03/2025 23:12

I don’t know if it helps to know that with time you will come to a peace with this loss. Try to remember the happy memories and do things to honour your mother’s memory whether that planting flowers in her memory having a coffee in a favourite place you both enjoyed or putting on some of her perfume. It is a huge loss. My mother was unwell for several months and so we had a long farewell but even still it was difficult to carry that emptiness. Hugs to you and be kind to yourself..your mother would not like to see you so down abd sad.

I’m so sorry to hear that your mother was unwell too :(
It’s weird because the more I think about the happy times the more it hurts. I can literally cry anytime or day when I think of her. The nights are especially hard. She had cancer for 2 years before we lost her and I gave up my job to look after her and I still don’t take any comfort from it but just pain.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinklestar9 · 15/03/2025 23:22

Hollyhedge · 15/03/2025 23:10

Grief is brutal. Your mum sounds brilliant. Take care of yourself

It is brutal indeed. Nothing in life compares to this pain - at least for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinklestar9 · 15/03/2025 23:25

NewMarmiteJar · 15/03/2025 23:06

Could you try to reframe it to feel very lucky to have had such a wonderful mother? Could you drive this intensely sad energy into feeling proud and grateful? I don’t know if that’s possible.

My mother should never have had me and thought nothing of telling me and everyone else this fact. Instead of loving and supporting she eroded and manipulated her way through motherhood.

Try to remember her with joy, she was a fantastic mother. Flowers

It’s weird because I start to feeling sorry for myself even more because of what I have lost.
It’s hard but time doesn’t heal but instead I just miss her more. I miss her gentle voice and hugs.
She was the best hugger :(

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 15/03/2025 23:27

I lost my DM 2 yrs ago. We were v close and people often commented we were more like friends. It was good.
I had my DC and the dynamics changed. My DM was a great help but I was a distant thought. We no longer had that close relationship. My DC took all her thoughts. I felt displaced.
Still 2 yrs and I am crying over the incredibly silly things. I cleared her house and I see things she had and I'm an absolute wreck.
I know it's going to continue, I was that close to my DM. It cuts my heart in two and that the honest truth.

Feelinghurt2 · 15/03/2025 23:40

I am so sorry for your loss. Your Mum sounds a wonderful woman and a wonderful mother, and you must have made her very happy. Nothing can replace that special bond you had and it must be so hard for you. I don't know about you, but when I have lost loved ones, the silence from them has been one of the strangest/hardest parts to deal with. I have found myself thinking why can't they just come back for a minute and let me know they're all right? So hard for us to comprehend. Grief makes you think and wonder all sorts of bizarre things. You are still in the very early stages of this and I know from experience that dreams of departed loved ones can be unnerving and sometimes unbelievably cruel. All I can say is that I hope that somehow you can find the strength to carry on. Please look after yourself and again I am so very sorry. ❤️

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