Is he hiding his drinking?

[Wednesdaychild123]

Am I being unreasonable? We have sparkling water on tap and both my husband and I would drink it throughout the day, mixed with cordial.
My husband was drinking a pint glass of this this evening - I was putting the baby to bed, our other 2 young DC were downstairs with my husband

I discovered that my husband actually had gin mixed with his drink. We have gin glasses, ice cubes and tonic - but when I confronted him he said he likes to drink it like that, that he wasn't trying to hide it from me.
There was quite a bit gone out of the gin bottle, plus he bought another bottle of gin when he went to the supermarket earlier this evening.

I'm pretty certain he was trying to hide the fact that he was drinking from me and he got caught out. This is not the first time he's done this. Am I being paranoid? He says I am and that I'm being unreasonable. Or is this the behaviour of an alcoholic?

A pint glass of gin?
Hiding the fact he’s been drinking?
No. That’s not normal.

Gin and fizzy water that is an insult on the tastebuds!

He is hiding it. You are not being paranoid.

I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and imo this is a classic move.

Why didn’t he offer to pour you a drink when he poured yours ?
“ Iam having a gin , you want one ?”
he has form for hiding his drinking

also did he let you know he’d got more gin ?
I always tell my oh “ there’s wine in the fridge, chocolate back of cupboard , I got your fav yogurt “ etc

always trust your instincts

How did you discover there was gin in his glass?

And I know you're both right. But what can I do? I've told him about my concerns with his alcohol use over the years. He won't admit it. He makes me feel like I'm being uptight and unreasonable.

You can’t change his drinking. You can’t control it. The only thing you can decide on is whether to put up with it.

No, he didn't tell me he bought more. I was upstairs with the baby when he poured it, the glass was all gone when I came down.

I smelled the glass - not sure why - I think perhaps he looked like he'd had a drink? So I asked him about it and he said he just fancied a drink on a Saturday night watching a match.

Also, I had my suspicions last night, he was very sleepy when he came down after putting our DC to bed. He said he was just tired, but I had a feeling he had been drinking.

I mean I don't mind him having a drink. I enjoy an occasional drink. But I don't hide it. And I don't think it's appropriate drinking gin on your own before the kids are in bed - i mean if the kids were asleep and we had a drink together as a couple - that's different

I know. But he's the father of our kids and I want to know that I can trust him to look after them. I also worry for his mental and physical health.

Yes, he is drinking sneakily and that is a problem. If he doesn't acknowledge that he's got a problem, you have two choices - stay and put up with it (and it will probably get worse) or call time on the relationship. Unfortunately, as you have children, you will have to navigate shared custody with someone who is a problem drinker. I think you need to have a serious conversation and lay it on the line - things need to change and blaming you and calling you uptight and unreasonable is unacceptable.

My friend was lied to for years. Her and her three kids lived with an alcoholic, who lied, got drunk, behaved badly. She finally told him to get out, as she was divorcing him. She’s 60 and has given the best years of her life to this man, in the hope that he would change. Don’t be my friend.