single parent, was it worth it?

[ihnsnvise]

Dh and I are clearly both unhappy with each other and have been for years. Have one child, still in primary and are both mid-40s but we just don't get along anymore.

I would love to split up but work and live in London (cant change that) and earn around 70k. Looking at finances, I could just about afford a mortgage for 450k which would cost 1.5k per month and would get me a two bed flat, am assuming Dh would go for shared custody so wont get any maintenance.

It would be great to have my own place as living with someone that you no longer get on with is soul destroying on a daily basis. Feeling uncertain about finances for my kid and I. We don't have a particularly lavish lifestyle now but don't have to worry.

If you are a single parent in London, how tough is it? If you made the choice to split, was it worth it?

Girl, do it!

I rent so I'm not in your situation financially, but I am a single mum

I honestly wouldn't change it! I'd build a better support system if I could, ie friends but I honestly wouldn't want a man, especially one I wasnt in love with

You'll have the best of both worlds in that, you'd be single but have time off from being a full time mum, as your ex would still be a parent, which is great!

Life is far too short to be unhappy! Best of luck ❤️

I'm not in London but honestly life's too short. You can make it work.

Also, my ex is the "I want 50-50" type and he's eventually settled for less than that. He gains time and I gain (a small amount) of money.

Single mum in London. Renting. Best decision.

I’m late 40s with one kid in London and coparenting for about seven years. It’s a good balance of freedom and parenting. It did take a while to get used to not being with my kid all the time but now I make the most of the time catching up with friends, dating, exercising etc

My finances are in the same ballpark as yours and it’s completely doable.

Go for it and enjoy the rest of your life!

I’m also outside London but on a lower wage (professional role but NHS and not that high). For me, finance was the biggest scary thing that held me back for a while. It’s not been easy but I’m a few years down the line and I’m so glad I did it. I imagined my XH would demand 50/50 custody but he didn’t want anywhere near that. Gradually over time he’s seen her less often (DD is okay with that).
I cannot begin to describe how much better life is for us both. Okay, yes, financially it’s been a huge struggle at times. I managed to get promoted though and things are better..BUT - I am so, so much happier. I’m happier in myself. I’m ill less often. My stuff hardly ever gets broken now 🤔 (not saying he deliberately damaged it but he was careless with it and didn’t GAF if it wasn’t his). Biggest difference has been DD. Her behaviour was very challenging at times. She would school refuse, refuse to sleep, challenge parental decisions, frequently anxious. Now she’s confident, happier, we have a lovely relationship. Icing on the cake I’ve met a lovely fella and have a fab relationship with him.
It’s a big leap to make, but I leapt on the assumption that I would be happier single than I was married to him, 3 years on, knowing what I know, I’d still make the same choices.

Single mum to toddler I get maintenance but it's swallowed up by nursery fees. Happy in my two bed flat with my little boy. I thought it was failing at first not having a house with a garden and a chimney to hang stockings up at but lots of the nursery families live in similar flats to mine!

Ps if you'll be 5050 really make sure he'll do 5050 on appointments, sick days from work, hair cuts, shoes, coats , dentist and braces, glasses school
Trips, birthday party presents, etc etc. and on the admin to this. If he won't do the appointment admin then you can still claim child maintenance even if he has equal overnights as it's not true shared care!

I did it on shared ownership , income 45k , bought a share outright. I get a high child maintenance from exh

im 29 and really excited about life and the future. I can’t believe my luck.

i do grieve not having more children. But life is amazing