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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be wary of DH career change

21 replies

Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 13:34

DH wants to save for retirement via more property investments as he feels he would be able to retire earlier than through a SIPP. He has invested in some already and is good at what he does. He's built good contacts in the area, looks after his tenants, knows what to look for in further investments etc. He understands "bricks and mortar" well so I can see why he wants to do this strategy.

BUT I am very wary of this as a plan. There are risks of the tenant not paying etc (as there are with any investment). But my biggest worry is that if he's too ill to work/dies I would suddenly have this portfolio of properties to look after, on top of my job, looking after everything in the house, grieving etc.
He's very hands on, eg will clean himself after a tenancy ends, has landscaped a whole garden himself etc, so he spends quite a lot of time on the business. I get that I could pay someone to do these things but feel like it's still a stress I wouldn't need at that point. Whereas eg if he's in an employed job or has a SIPP I'm not effectively in a position where I have to take on a second job.

He also sees it as an asset he can pass onto kids (with a plan for how to pay the CGT/IHT) whereas I see it as a burden for the reasons above. In old age I can imagine drawing down from a SIPP but not running around researching new boilers etc.

His current career is very repetitive with managers who want you to do the same job in less and less time, with more and more paperwork etc

YABU ....suck it up! You'll enjoy having a husband who is around more for now, happy in their job, and if you do have to take it over at some point it's a bit of stress whilst you find your way / sell up but worth the gains

YANBU...you have a point...there are other things he could do to replace his career...

OP posts:
ThatRealRoseFawn · 15/03/2025 13:35

It’s not the best climate to be investing in property. 10-20 years ago would have been a better time.

Meadowfinch · 15/03/2025 13:40

It isn't just a strategy, it's his life and his choice, not yours. He isn't there just to arrange your comfortable retirement. He clearly enjoys what he does so leave him to get on with it.

You should be working and paying into your own pension if you are so concerned about retirement.

Even if the worse happened and you lost him, you could simply hand the whole lot over to a housing agent, who could arrange sales and return you hard cash.

Livinggently · 15/03/2025 13:41

I don’t think it’s an either/or. Your worry about his death - could you plug this by planning life insurance adequate enough for you to live on if that happened? Could you could sell the properties and top up your own pension with the proceeds?

You don’t have to live in each others’ pockets financially or retirement planning-wise just because you’re married.

Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 13:46

Meadowfinch · 15/03/2025 13:40

It isn't just a strategy, it's his life and his choice, not yours. He isn't there just to arrange your comfortable retirement. He clearly enjoys what he does so leave him to get on with it.

You should be working and paying into your own pension if you are so concerned about retirement.

Even if the worse happened and you lost him, you could simply hand the whole lot over to a housing agent, who could arrange sales and return you hard cash.

Edited

I'm not asking him to plan my retirement. My point is in most other jobs the most I'd have to do is call his employer and say "sorry he's ill / sorry he died" whereas with a property portfolio I'd have to take over what he's currently doing. They're on both our names as otherwise he wouldn't be able to get mortgages on them. I'm not worried about him financing my retirement etc.

He wouldn't want me to sell up as he wants to pass the portfolio onto his kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 13:48

Livinggently · 15/03/2025 13:41

I don’t think it’s an either/or. Your worry about his death - could you plug this by planning life insurance adequate enough for you to live on if that happened? Could you could sell the properties and top up your own pension with the proceeds?

You don’t have to live in each others’ pockets financially or retirement planning-wise just because you’re married.

I'm not worried about my finances on his death (I have a good job, pension etc). I worry about having to look after tenants on top of my day job. I just read yesterday how difficult that can be / how hard it can be to sell up with tenants in situ etc and that marries up with how hard he works on the business

OP posts:
AmusedGoose · 15/03/2025 14:00

Wow. If his children are adults he should just leave the properties to them. You are rather mean tbh.

Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 14:04

AmusedGoose · 15/03/2025 14:00

Wow. If his children are adults he should just leave the properties to them. You are rather mean tbh.

DCs are all under 5. Can you help me understand why? I am open to feedback but I don't understand why being wary to sign up to more loans and more houses to look after is mean? He was very ill for a month and I had to do my job, look after him, the house, our DCs and the tenants. Last year the houses were empty for a while and I had to use my salary to pay the mortgages. It just made me reflect...if I had been ill he'd just have to call, or even email, my manager and that would be it on that front.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 15/03/2025 14:18

So you're worried this business idea will end up being a big time suck, regardless of whether or not it's profitable?

Are you expecting him to die first? Is he older than you?

Livinggently · 15/03/2025 15:35

Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 13:48

I'm not worried about my finances on his death (I have a good job, pension etc). I worry about having to look after tenants on top of my day job. I just read yesterday how difficult that can be / how hard it can be to sell up with tenants in situ etc and that marries up with how hard he works on the business

Edited
Show quote history

Could you tell him he needs to appoint a solicitor to be executor for his estate when he dies (and factor in the expense of that) so it’s not your problem?

TheKeatingFive · 15/03/2025 15:41

I get your concern, but can you ask him to appoint someone else to oversee the sales of his property when he dies, so it wouldnt fall to you?

Haappy · 15/03/2025 15:44

You could give some houses to the children and sell some houses to keep the money for yourself.

HappyHolidai · 15/03/2025 15:45

As someone has already said, if he does die you just get an agent in and they do it all for you. Take a cut but look after it all. You could do that on day 1 (in theory).

If he needs a back-up plan for illness, and you can't take it on in those circumstances then you need to have that discussion and he needs to think about his back-up. Realistically that's probably paying someone else to do it, too.

Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 16:09

HappyHolidai · 15/03/2025 15:45

As someone has already said, if he does die you just get an agent in and they do it all for you. Take a cut but look after it all. You could do that on day 1 (in theory).

If he needs a back-up plan for illness, and you can't take it on in those circumstances then you need to have that discussion and he needs to think about his back-up. Realistically that's probably paying someone else to do it, too.

Yeh I didn't even know this was a possibility. Knowing there is someone who does that sort of thing makes me feel A LOT better about it. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 16:11

PullTheBricksDown · 15/03/2025 14:18

So you're worried this business idea will end up being a big time suck, regardless of whether or not it's profitable?

Are you expecting him to die first? Is he older than you?

Yeh, I mean it's a part time job for him, and while he works hard on it I pick up everything in the home. I'm just worried I wouldn't be able to do both things
And that if I leave them empty I wouldn't be able to afford paying for multiple mortgages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 16:11

Livinggently · 15/03/2025 15:35

Could you tell him he needs to appoint a solicitor to be executor for his estate when he dies (and factor in the expense of that) so it’s not your problem?

Show quote history

Yeh I think this would be perfect

OP posts:
Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 16:12

TheKeatingFive · 15/03/2025 15:41

I get your concern, but can you ask him to appoint someone else to oversee the sales of his property when he dies, so it wouldnt fall to you?

Yeh I think that would be perfect...didn't know that was a possibility

OP posts:
Gogogo12345 · 15/03/2025 16:13

Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 16:11

Yeh, I mean it's a part time job for him, and while he works hard on it I pick up everything in the home. I'm just worried I wouldn't be able to do both things
And that if I leave them empty I wouldn't be able to afford paying for multiple mortgages.

Show quote history

Surely if he died then life insurance would pay off the mortgages

Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 16:25

Gogogo12345 · 15/03/2025 16:13

Surely if he died then life insurance would pay off the mortgages

Show quote history

That's true. He doesn't have any at the moment but I could ask to get some out. Then, it's just the time factor worrying me but I think I either need someone who works in the profession to deal with it all for a fee or as above pp said someone to sell the whole portfolio. I didn't know any of that existed as he's been so hands on himself and when we have had to sell it's been a very long arduous process which put us in debt for a while

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 15/03/2025 18:38

I've read your post OP, although not all the responses. One thing that isn't clear (sorry if I've missed this) is why you are worrying about his illness or death? Is he ill or much older than you? Most people who run their own business just have to work through things (is he not good at that?) or if it's serious they have to appoint someone else to run it in their absence. Unless you have good reason to expect him to be ill or leave you then I don't understand your concern.

Original poster
Angels1111 · 15/03/2025 18:50

InSpainTheRain · 15/03/2025 18:38

I've read your post OP, although not all the responses. One thing that isn't clear (sorry if I've missed this) is why you are worrying about his illness or death? Is he ill or much older than you? Most people who run their own business just have to work through things (is he not good at that?) or if it's serious they have to appoint someone else to run it in their absence. Unless you have good reason to expect him to be ill or leave you then I don't understand your concern.

Partly because he's not resilient at working through stress so I end up picking up the pieces, partly because we're generally doing a review of our pensions/life insurances/inheritance stuff/wills etc to make sure things are covered, partly because a close friend was recently widowed, really highlighting it can happen to anyone at any time and partly because DH was v ill recently and it just brought to home that life isn't predictable.

The "appoint someone else to run it in their absence" is exactly my point...he's appointing me...whereas if he was in a salaried job his colleagues would pick up the pieces.

OP posts:
2024onwardsandup · 15/03/2025 20:00

Why on earth doesn’t he have life insurance!!?? Especially if you’ve just had a review. So get
tnst.

and yeah then if he dies you can just sell
the properties or appoint an agent if you want to keep them

get him to make sure everything is very clearly documented and then get it into a will that property to be managed by solicitor from his death - there will be a charge for this from his estate but sounds worth it

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