When does a boyfriend become a partner?

[Littlebitpsycho]

The above basically, interested in others opinions. Is it when you live together but aren't married? Is it just after a certain amount of time has passed? What do you all think?

I've been with my fella 4 months and he is absolutely my boyfriend and not my partner - he has met my 13 year old daughter but only because we work at the same place (and she is clever and noticed he was interested before I did!), he does not come to my home while she is there and we don't spend any time all together

I just see lots of threads mentioning this and thought a discussion would be interesting

When you are living together.

When you live together I'd say

I've been with mine for 30 odd years. He's still my boyfriend as we're not married. We live together and have children. Hate the word partner, it sounds so transactional.

That's so interesting - I dislike partner as well, for some reason I cringe imagining describing my boyfriend like that 😅

I'd also say when living together, but that then brings the question of living apart together couples.
Also, many people think there is an age limit to the word boyfriend. At nearly 50, I guess I'm too old for it, but not old enough yet for a 'gentleman friend'. Everyone around me refers to my bf, whom I only see on the weekends, as my partner and I suppose it would be churlish for me to insist he's not my partner...

When you share major aspects of life and live them together in partnership. You don't necessarily need to live together, but should be each others significant other, their default plus one, and go to for help or to share success.

I find 'partner' a bit strange when the couple is not living together, but I think it gets used once the relationship is established and they do lots of things together and know each other's families etc. Also by older people who would feel daft saying girl/boyfriend. I know a few 80-somethings who have non-live-in 'partners', normally because they find their partner too irritating to live with full time.

When you’re married/living together and share commitments/finances, etc.

I think people really overthink this tbh and you always get people piling on to threads to say “he’s not your partner, hes your boyfriend,” as if there was some formal rite of passage involved. It really isn’t as clear a line as some people make it.

I don’t think people necessarily need to live together: there are lots of very good reasons why that doesn’t work for everyone.

But I think there has to be some external sign of commitment. Something that requires effort to walk away from.

I was with someone for 10 years. We didn’t live together (both had majority care of our DCs) and I switched between boyfriend and partner depending on how I was feeling about him, how he was behaving and who I was talking to! When we were in a good place,
talking about the future and he was being considerate of me he was DP. When we argued I’d often say “we’re not engaged, you’re not a partner, you’re just a boyfriend, so don’t expect me to behave like a wife if you can’t even give me the consideration of being a partner and making me feel valued in your life.”

I’m with someone new for nearly 2 years now, I’m 51 so it feels stupid talking about my boyfriend but on here the DP abbreviation is more useful as if you use BF it’s always “do you mean best friend or boyfriend?”

Again, we don’t live together, don’t share finances or have any real entanglements that might make someone feel more of a partner, so if I live with him then I’d probably consider him a DP. For me its about shared goals, spending time with extended family/friends together, being involved in each other’s kids’ lives, eg attending school shows/dance competitions etc, and planning a future together.

I feel like a boyfriend is someone just for me, who i enjoy spending time with but don’t necessarily see as a life partner or have him involved with my family in the way that a husband would be.

I’m probably holding back emotionally with current BF/DP as his track record isn’t amazing with previous wives/GFs, so I guess once he convinces me he’s partner material he’ll be promoted!

It’s up to you.

I've always thought of it as 'life partner' used to describe the person you live with and make a life with, if you're not married. But I see people on mn using it to describe someone they've been seeing for 6 months! So maybe the term has evolved to just mean boyfriend/girlfriend in an exclusive relationship?

When you pool resources I.e. have shared bills or a joint account.

I lived with a boyfriend at hisnparents house in my early 20s and we had been together a few years hut he was definitely still a boyfriend.

And if I split with my husband I'd only have boyfriends for fun.

When you live with them.

I don’t think living together is essential for them to be a partner. I don’t love partner but it’s a hell of an improvement on other half or hubby.
I guess I’d think long term, committed relationship. Shared lives etc but lots of people can have that without living together and I think that definition devalues lots of really healthy relationships.

My sisterhss been with her partner for five years they don't live together but spend a lot of time together including Xmas etc they go on holidays together and seem very happy it works for them ,they are both in their 50,s him late her mid ,and have adult children
They see themselves as partners .

I suppose when you've decided it's going to be a forever (or for as long as anyone knows) kind of thing.

I'm engaged but I refer to him as my partner as I hate the word fiancé. He refers to me as his girlfriend because he hates partner 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't really care what other people use but it does confuse when people post on here asking for advice on a new partner and it turns out to be someone they've been 'seeing' for 6 weeks!

Not just "living together" - you are partners when you know that you have eachother's backs, when you can lean on each other and each be confident that the other will consider joint needs rather than selfishly prioritising themself. When it's a genuine "partnership" and neither is better off than the other either financially or in terms of time or emotional investment because you are equal in all things.

Mumsnet is full of tales of terrible situations that arise when a woman refers to her "partner" then describes a selfish arsehole who has no concept of partnership, and who barely deserves the term "boyfriend"

Boyfriend sounds odder the older you get after 30.

When living together.

But boyfriend/ girlfriend sounds like you're both teenagers.

I use the word 'partner' although we don't live together, but that's mainly because we're well over 55 and 'boyfriend' sounds ridiculous at that age! We have been together for over 10 years. I've no intention of us living together although he'd like to- I like having my own space too much.

I think it also depends on age...I moved in with now DH when I was 24...I just called him my boyfriend then.

He went boyfriend/fiance/husband so I've never called him my partner.

It’s entirely a personal choice. There’s no official definition that says a boyfriend is one thing and a partner is another. It’s up to the individual to decide what term they prefer.

I use ‘boyfriend’, ‘partner’ and ‘other half’ interchangeably for my DP of 22 years. I actually dislike the word ‘partner’ but for official/formal purposes (eg applying for a mortgage or stating your next of kin at the hospital) it’s probably the most appropriate term. If I’m chatting with friends / colleagues or whatever I usually say boyfriend or other half.

I agree that age plays a part. My 25 year old daughter has been with her boyfriend (also 25) for 5 years. They live together, have some joint assets (mainly a car), and are planning to marry at some point.

She refers to him as her boyfriend rather than as her partner but I suspect if they were in the same position but 5 years older she would call him her partner!