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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Still doing the DIY

15 replies

cherry001 · 15/03/2025 11:00

I’m in a relatively new relationship. He split up from his ex around 6 years ago (they weren’t married but have kids together).

His ex rang him last night and said she had some blinds she needs putting up and can he do it next week. It turns out that he still does things like this for her. He’s great at DIY, but she does have a partner that moved in with her last year (no idea what he’s like at DIY!).

I’ve not come across this before - if I needed something doing then I’d pay a handyman, not ask my DC’s dad and we’re also amicable. Would everyone be ok with this? I didn’t say anything after he hung up. Am interested to hear people’s opinions!

OP posts:

Caroparo52 · 15/03/2025 11:23

Is it not also a chance for him to also see his dc? Unless he's always there or its ott then I'd be cool with it .. for now

Ahsheeit · 15/03/2025 11:23

My ex husband still does stuff for me if he's about. Our kids are adults and have moved out too. We just still get on as friends, with no romantic interest at all.

Original poster

cherry001 · 15/03/2025 11:24

@Caroparo52Yes I guess it is, although he does have them 50/50

OP posts:

Dolambslikemintsauce · 15/03/2025 11:32

She needs to learn to be more self sufficient.. It isn't a great message to send to her dc she can't manage..

HomeBodyClub · 15/03/2025 11:33

Nothing wrong with it at all. I think it’s healthy to stay friends.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/03/2025 11:42

Dolambslikemintsauce · 15/03/2025 11:32

She needs to learn to be more self sufficient.. It isn't a great message to send to her dc she can't manage..

Don't be silly. Lots of people aren't good at DIY. I'm useless so I call my landlord.
Pretty normal for a man to help at the house where his children are living, isn't it? And why pay a professional if OP's DP is good at it.

steppingin · 15/03/2025 11:51

My husband was doing this when we first met, I found out when she called him on our second date to ask if he could pick up some furniture for her as he has a big car.
I made it clear I wasn’t interested in dating somebody who was still running around after his ex, and it stopped pretty quickly. Including all the things he was still paying for her!

She’d just played on his guilt for leaving to keep him running around after her for years.

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/03/2025 11:53

He’s probably making an effort for the kids. Sounds civilised to me.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/03/2025 11:55

steppingin · 15/03/2025 11:51

She’d just played on his guilt for leaving to keep him running around after her for years.

Did they have kids though? And was the ex's home the kids' home? Makes a big difference, doesn't it?

Ahsheeit · 15/03/2025 12:02

Just to add - my kids really appreciate that we get on well with each other. This was particularly valued when they were in their late teens and we were separating and divorcing. The kids never had to feel that loyalties were divided. This is important.

Mine popped in when collecting my daughter, and arrived home from work to a lovely meal cooked by him. He's also going to be doing some decorating for me. He has a partner, I don't, but there are no issues whatsoever.

It's very possible to still like, or indeed love a person very much, even if romantic feelings are long gone. We have an awful lot of respect for each other.

Original poster

cherry001 · 15/03/2025 12:06

@AhsheeitIt’s good to hear other opinions! Do you think he’d still be doing all your DIY if you had a partner that lived with you?

OP posts:

Beamur · 15/03/2025 12:11

Ahsheeit · 15/03/2025 11:23

My ex husband still does stuff for me if he's about. Our kids are adults and have moved out too. We just still get on as friends, with no romantic interest at all.

I think if it's like this, it reflects well on both your DP and his ex that they can help each other out as friends.

steppingin · 15/03/2025 12:51

Gwenhwyfar · 15/03/2025 11:55

Did they have kids though? And was the ex's home the kids' home? Makes a big difference, doesn't it?

Show quote history

They do indeed. He has 50/50 and she has her own father to help if she needs it.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/03/2025 13:04

steppingin · 15/03/2025 12:51

They do indeed. He has 50/50 and she has her own father to help if she needs it.

Show quote history

But he is the father of the kids so quite reasonable for him to do the DIY. We don't know that the grandfather is any good at it, just because he's a man...

steppingin · 15/03/2025 13:13

Gwenhwyfar · 15/03/2025 13:04

But he is the father of the kids so quite reasonable for him to do the DIY. We don't know that the grandfather is any good at it, just because he's a man...

Show quote history

Well, I wouldn’t say my husband is any good at it to be honest! Certainly not to any level that she couldn’t quickly learn to exceed.

The tasks he was doing were not for the benefit of his child, they were for the benefit of her.
I’d have felt differently if he was nipping round to put a shelf up for his son.

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