To feel so worried about the effects of the internet?

[JennyFromTheBlock10]

We keep things so locked down in our house, Safesearch settings on the family PC, pins on SMART tv, no free access to YouTube (or they’d literally sit and in front of it at every opportunity.) DS who is 11 (12 in a couple of weeks) has been given a phone since being at secondary school which is also locked down using family link.

He was doing homework on PC in room
adjacent to kitchen last night and today I checked the internet history. Turns out he also went on Amazon and searched for “‘male sex toys” and “virgina” (his spelling). He was served up some hideous looking fleshlight contraptions. No idea why he was looking at them - I can only assume that people were talking about it at school and he was curious. I totally get that - but it terrifies me that kids are finding out about stuff younger and younger because of the internet / smart phones.

children are naturally curious; I’m sure had I had access to the internet at that age I would have looked up all sorts. But it terrifies me what they do have access too. I’m so scared what my little boy (I know he’s not little any more but, honestly he still so young!) will be seeing on the phones of other children that don’t have strict settings. I hate the way it fills their brains with images, ideas and ideologies beyond their level of understanding. Really harmful stuff!

I feel like so many parents are either really naive or just don’t care and sometimes feel like I’m fighting the battle and worrying about it all on my own. I want to bring up a decent boy and I just feel so scared that he is doing to see things that are going to shape him in a harmful way. We have to yardstick to compare to we we didn’t have this complete access to any information in the world as children.

We have open and honest lines of communication in our house but it is all so exhausting having to discuss stuff that is actually not yet age appropriate!!

is anyone else as worried as I am?!

I had to remove my son from school because of this and it was because of images the teachers were showing him. We don't have computer games any more and just do 80s stuff like baking and music and gardening.

DS still has stuff he can't unsee from when he had unfettered access to youtube.

I think you really shouldn't let your DS have his PC in his room. At the very least, sit with him when he uses screens. You're quite right, there is a lot of terrible stuff on there and it's wrong that young kids are going into that world without protection from adults.

What images were the teachers showing him?! Mine is not allowed his phone in his room. It’s very locked down and essentially can only text and call with a couple of games on it.

They are an essential part of life and are not going anywhere so we need to find a healthy balance. But giving children complete access to the internet is not that!

Call me too liberal but I think a child at 11 should know what a vagina is without looking it up online. Also, there is nothing damaging in knowing about, having or using sex toys (at an appropriate age). I certainly was aware of sex, masturbation and body parts at his age and it was a complete non issue because everything was covered at home in a child-appropriate way from early years. Believe it or not but I grew up being a functional adult and did not suffer any damage from being exposed to normal human functions and anatomy. If you don't talk to your kids about it but, instead, let them discover it online, that's not great. But the answer is not restriction. The answer is open discussions at home. Because he will access it elsewhere anyway and you will have very little control of that.

I genuinely believe that when you give your child a smartphone you give them the keys to the universe, good and bad.

Kids are curious about everything, when I was a child my interest in things sexual was limited to Jackie, Mates, and looking at male underwear models in the Kay's catalogue.

The interest is no different, but what they find when they go looking is very different.

I have no wise words on how to control it. You can have all the controls at home, but it doesn't stop them looking at a friend's phone outside the house.

searched for “‘male sex toys” and “virgina” (his spelling). He was served up some hideous looking fleshlight contraptions. No idea why he was looking at them

I diagnose a problem there. You are rejecting that he could have rational not predatory nor disgusting reasons to have genuine native interest.

Using sex toys at the age of 11 would not be appropriate!

I agree a child of 11 should know what a vagina a but sex toys? No.

You're not wrong OP. Many parents don't care as they don't see any issue.

I didn't say use sex toys at the age of 11. I said being aware of their existence and that people do use them at an appropriate age.

Yes it is of course natural curiosity.

Young people having access to the Internet though is proving very harmful.

I don't think 11 is the right age?

You diagnose wrong, read my second paragraph. Also see part where I mentioned open lines of communication

He knows what a vagina is. He had obviously been told about a male sex toy that is a fake vagina and he was curious about it. Nothing wrong with that - normal part of development. Just the fact that it is so easy to access this stuff these days (despite having a very “safe” internet household) and also hearing about it so young from other children that have access to the internet / older siblings.

The horse has bolted though now sadly. Damned if you do (give him a smart phone) damned if you don’t, as 90% of kids have them. Pandoras box has been opened and sadly I don’t think it can ever be closed.

My DS 12 isn’t allowed certain apps or computer games, though his friend seems to be allowed anything and everything. He watches things on his phone that clearly aren’t age appropriate and plays games that are 18 but he’s not my DC so what can I do. I dread to think what he could potentially show my naive DC12 😭 Sadly at this age we can’t control everything they see. My DC has SEN and can barely read or write and the stress this has caused me is unimaginable to the average person, however the one (and only) positive is that he can’t read or write to be able to type such things in the search bar.

I was more thinking about he first poster to be honest. The one who sounds like she is homeschooling her child due to a picture a teacher showed. What could it have been? A page from anatomy book?
Remembering my own childhood, we were talking about this stuff in a nursery. I vividly remember a boy telling me babies are made when a man pees inside a woman. I found this idea horrifying and told my mum who immediately went out and bought a book about sex for children 4-7 which we read together. Internet makes it more accessible, yes but there were plenty of magazines in the 80s which friends swiped from older male relatives to giggle at in school. So we were not exactly shielded from it either

A year 7 boy will be starting to be curious about sex. It's natural, they're approaching puberty. Get him some books that address this, and he might keep off the Internet. And have the discussion about how to treat future lovers and how he should expect to be treated.

Thanks for the advice, completely understand the curiosity is normal and we have open lines of communication in the house. Absolutely no issues there.

My point was really - I am someone who completely understands normal stages of child development, I completely understand the damage access that inappropriate content can do to young children. Yet STILL the invention of the internet makes parenting incredibly difficult, even as the most clued up of parents.

Sorry to resurrect a thread, but...
At the age of 12, we boys knew about dildos, and had seen one (one kid brought it into school, it was passed around and then thrown around at school... might have been his mum's, I can only guess.)
If male sex toys had existed then (1970/early 80s) we'd have damn well known about them too.
I fail to see why a male masturbatory toy is any more 'disgusting' than a woman's masturbatory toy... and I'm totally cool with them too 😀👍