To think this is completely unjust?

[ThewrathofBethDutton]

20 years plus friendship group.
A couple of these don’t get on.

A significant event has happened to one of these. Adamant they do not want the other to know anything about it.
Fine, I’ve said nothing but it’s a situation where multiple people will be aware and talking about it. It will get to this other person.

On Tuesday I got a text from significant event friend demanding to know exactly what disliked friend knows about it. I know that they now know about significant event.

Now significant friend isn’t replying to any of my messages, I think they believe that I have blabbed.

I absolutely have said not a thing even though I knew other friend would be really upset about not being told as is unaware of the level of hate other friend has towards them.

Potentially both friends have now fallen out with me and I have done absolutely nothing wrong except maintained confidence and privacy.

FFS.
If they have fallen out with me so fucking be it. But I share such a long and close friendship history with both I am annoyed that this would be the end.

Too much drama. Junk them and get better friends.

This is another variant of ‘friend’ on Mn often meaning ‘someone I know but don’t much like’. Here a ‘friendship group’ of over two decades includes two people who loathe one another — why?

Didn't you say to significant event friend that the info would get out as x, y and z know

One message to significant event friend that says something along the line of “Just so we’re clear, I did not discuss significant event with anyone, however it was already being discussed by others.” Then drop it, she’ll either believe you or not and there isn’t anything you can do about it.

Nothing to be done about other friend, I mean it’s probably a good thing she learns that SE friend hates her, right?

What are you 8. Tell the friend who.thinks you've blabbed that she's childish and pathetic.

I did.

Tell significant event friend that you didn’t tell anyone anything.

Tell disliked friend that you were in a difficult position but you had to respect first friend’s wishes and did the best you could.

Don’t say or get dragged into anything further than that.

If either of them continue to hold it against you, then sod them. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Message addressed to both of them:

”sort it out between you and don’t involve me or blame me for your squabbles you pair toddlers”.

If you’re going to end up the bad guy for saying nothing you might as well say something.

This is playground behaviour, let them get on with it. It's giving Queen bee vibes. It's one thing her inviting who she wants to the event which is fine but to try to control information disclosed regardless of where it has come from is crossing a line. It sounds you are scapegoat for the wrath. Great friends eh?

Do nothing. It will all come out in the wash eventually.

I think your friend with the secret likes feuds.

I went through a phase years ago of telling people not to tell me secrets because I will blab, I won’t mean to but it will happen.

Sigh…. Happy times

Boggling at people who’ve been in a friendship group for twenty years despite not liking each other 😁

Tell significant event friend it absolutely was not you that mentioned it to disliked friend, in fact you haven't discussed it with anyone as it's none of your business.

Also tell disliked friend that you were aware of the significant event, but haven't discussed it with anybody as it's none of your business.

Then walk away and let them come to their senses. Or not.

I don't understand why 'other' friend would be annoyed with you (or either of them really) but yes, this 👆

On Tuesday I got a text from significant event friend demanding to know exactly what disliked friend knows about it. I know that they now know about significant event.

That's where you made your mistake. You should have said you had no idea what the other person knows as you haven't discussed it with them.

Revealing that the other person now knows about this event does suggest you have discussed it with someone, how else would you know that?

You could message your friend to say you haven't discussed it with the other person and then leave it, let things settle down.

I'd be glad it was the end. I couldn't be doing with that level of drama. They sound like school children.

Be straight with significant event friend and explain like you have done here. Explain to hated friend it wasn’t your business to repeat and you were asked not to. Significant event friend might need you right now. Hated friend might be a bit miffed but should understand you were asked now to blab.

Thanks.
I did all that early doors, as soon as hated friend found out the situation. I was clear that I would do the same for him if he had something private going on. Hated friend was extremely understanding and said that I am a trusted friend.

As far as I am concerned, that’s where it ends.

Significant event friend has now not replied or read last message for a few days which is very unusual.
UNLESS something has happened not related to this situation.

May not even be anything to do with me!

I'd say just once "I haven't said a word to X. She found out from someone else. If you continue to blame me, our friendship is over." Leave it at that.

Say you didn't blab and don't appreciate being treated like you did. Say several people knew though and you did warn her this would happen. Say you are now in an uncomfortable position as other friend is mad you didn't say anything. Then tell other friend that you don't appreciate her treat you like a paria for keeping a confidence and she needs to get over herself.

I’m leaving it to stew now. Stepping away.

There is no reply, unread messages so either something else is going on not to do with me (likely) or yep, it’s a cold shoulder.

I have said my piece.

I will let it unfold as it will.

The incident friend is a very tricky character, difficult to get along with for most but once you get to know her, not so bad.