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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have no social life?

16 replies

Unsociably · 14/03/2025 16:56

I've never been one to have big friendship groups, I had a small group of friends in school and since then I've always had 1 or 2 close friends at a time and the friendships seem to fizzle out over time. Anyway I have a lovely small group of friends that I met when I had my youngest (6) but we only ever meet with the kids I think mostly because they all have other friends who they go out with for drinks etc and they have husbands and other kids and are busy alot of the time. I love my kids but meeting up at parks & soft play doesn't allow me to let my hair down.
My DP isn't interested in going out with me socially so I don't do anything with him, but to be fair it would be hard to arrange childcare (and always left up to me) he could watch youngest while I go out but then I have no one to go out with.

I had my kids with an age gap so I spent my late teens/early 20's at home with my eldest as their dad was useless and left everything to me. And as they were getting slightly older and more independent along came youngest.

I'm in my 30's and I never have anything to look forward to socially, no cinema dates, no eating out, no 1 on 1 time with my DP ever, I'm starting to find it quite miserable AIBU?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 14/03/2025 17:03

So your partner is selfish and unwilling to do anything that you'd like?

I couldn't accept that. You cant be in a relationship and make no effort...well you can, it'll just be miserable.

You have several options,

Try to speak to him and tell him what you need.

If he refuses or doesn't care, the next two options you have are to leave him, or accept that this is your life.

Pinkypillow · 14/03/2025 17:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Unsociably · 14/03/2025 17:11

Notimeforaname · 14/03/2025 17:03

So your partner is selfish and unwilling to do anything that you'd like?

I couldn't accept that. You cant be in a relationship and make no effort...well you can, it'll just be miserable.

You have several options,

Try to speak to him and tell him what you need.

If he refuses or doesn't care, the next two options you have are to leave him, or accept that this is your life.

I know I think I've just accepted this is my life, he isn't interested in anything, he doesn't drink which fair enough I rarely do but there's plenty other things we could do. I like music and going to see the odd singer/band, but no that's not his scene. I'd like to visit places around the UK or go abroad, again it's a no. He likes sports and I don't but I said I'd happily go to watch a football match or something for him, but no.

OP posts:
Undethetree · 14/03/2025 17:13

Have you suggested meeting up without the kids to your friends? They might be up for it? If not, why not look for a book club/women's football team/other social hobby to get involved with.? They often have social activities outside of the hobby.

Karen4President · 14/03/2025 17:16

If I was you I’d make an effort to build a social life away from him. Do you work? If not, then I’d start there. Then I’d take up a few hobbies - beginner running, book club, knitting, sailing - whatever takes your fancy. Look on Facebook for female groups in you area that have meet ups (you’ll find they also want to have a social life and have had missed opportunities). Once you have things to talk about maybe your husband will be more receptive to spending time with you if not then sack him off and make a life for yourself.

Dont give up!

MightAsWellBeGretel · 14/03/2025 17:18

Undethetree · 14/03/2025 17:13

Have you suggested meeting up without the kids to your friends? They might be up for it? If not, why not look for a book club/women's football team/other social hobby to get involved with.? They often have social activities outside of the hobby.

I agree with this! Have you asked?

Facebook has local groups (obviously some are more active in some areas than others).

Your husband sounds pretty awful- sorry. What on earth binds you together other than children?

PalazzoBarberini · 14/03/2025 17:20

Have you proposed doing something at night without the children to your current friends? If they’re not interested, find some new ones via an activity you enjoy who do. Why do your friendships always fizzle out? And you seem to have a pattern of relationships with useless men…?

Original poster
Unsociably · 14/03/2025 17:31

Undethetree · 14/03/2025 17:13

Have you suggested meeting up without the kids to your friends? They might be up for it? If not, why not look for a book club/women's football team/other social hobby to get involved with.? They often have social activities outside of the hobby.

We all suggest meeting up without the kids from time to time, in the 6 years we've known each other we've gone out 3 times without the kids.
We meet loads with the kids but their weekends and evenings are spent with husbands and catching up with their other friends. 2 of them also have toddlers and babies too so understandably they prob want to just flop at the weekends too.
But I can suggest trying to meet up more without the kids.

OP posts:
Dappy777 · 14/03/2025 17:45

Unsociably · 14/03/2025 17:11

I know I think I've just accepted this is my life, he isn't interested in anything, he doesn't drink which fair enough I rarely do but there's plenty other things we could do. I like music and going to see the odd singer/band, but no that's not his scene. I'd like to visit places around the UK or go abroad, again it's a no. He likes sports and I don't but I said I'd happily go to watch a football match or something for him, but no.

Show quote history

It's completely fine (and normal) not to like the same things. It's also pretty common for men (especially as they age) not to like socialising. But not being interested in anything, and not making any effort to please your partner, is unacceptable. That lack of interest in stuff is so f-ing grinding and boring. It drags you down. I've had friends like that (now ditched). Some people really are unbelievable. You name it, they're not interested. They don't follow the news, don't like films, don't read, don't like art, don't like music, don't like nature...just nothing. I often wonder what the hell they do at the weekend. Do they just sit and stare at the wall?

My partner also dislikes alcohol and live music. He doesn't like noise or crowds, and isn't very social. But he is interested in things. He loves art galleries, museums, zoos, nature, etc, and the flat is bursting with books. He's also willing to compromise. He's not a lover of travelling, for example, but he'll come abroad for me, and never moans or makes me feel like he's doing me a favour. On the other hand, I don't like museums, so he leaves me in a cafe round the corner while he goes inside. We compromise.

Oollliivviiaa · 14/03/2025 17:46

Unsociably · 14/03/2025 16:56

I've never been one to have big friendship groups, I had a small group of friends in school and since then I've always had 1 or 2 close friends at a time and the friendships seem to fizzle out over time. Anyway I have a lovely small group of friends that I met when I had my youngest (6) but we only ever meet with the kids I think mostly because they all have other friends who they go out with for drinks etc and they have husbands and other kids and are busy alot of the time. I love my kids but meeting up at parks & soft play doesn't allow me to let my hair down.
My DP isn't interested in going out with me socially so I don't do anything with him, but to be fair it would be hard to arrange childcare (and always left up to me) he could watch youngest while I go out but then I have no one to go out with.

I had my kids with an age gap so I spent my late teens/early 20's at home with my eldest as their dad was useless and left everything to me. And as they were getting slightly older and more independent along came youngest.

I'm in my 30's and I never have anything to look forward to socially, no cinema dates, no eating out, no 1 on 1 time with my DP ever, I'm starting to find it quite miserable AIBU?

I have people to go for an occasional coffee or dinner or theatre with.
I don't have anyone to go to the pub with. I really want to do one of the day club nights. 🤣 I don't have anyone to go with though and it makes me sad everytime I see one.

Biglifedecisions · 14/03/2025 17:55

What is he bringing to your life exactly? How selfish not to compromise and do the odd thing together a few times a month.

He needs to love and care for you enough to want you to have a happy life, and contribute to increasing the quality of your life op. Expect and demand more. Don’t settle for this.

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/03/2025 19:09

@Oollliivviiaa go! Go on your own. I am currently in a bar in Cologne on my own. I decjded to stay an extra night after a work conference and it's great. I speak a little German and I don't know the city at all, but I am having a great time.

Bluenotgreen · 14/03/2025 19:12

Your DP sounds utterly miserable and awful.

Why are you still with him, wasting your life away?

SexAndCakes · 14/03/2025 19:31

What DO you do with your DP?

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/03/2025 19:44

Ditch the partner. I can pretty much guarantee you your life will improve.

Then find some friends.

Seriously life is too short for this.

Oollliivviiaa · 15/03/2025 14:21

Ginmonkeyagain · 14/03/2025 19:09

@Oollliivviiaa go! Go on your own. I am currently in a bar in Cologne on my own. I decjded to stay an extra night after a work conference and it's great. I speak a little German and I don't know the city at all, but I am having a great time.

I'm happy doing most things by myself tbh. I'd probably be happy to go to a bar by myself for a drink but not clubbing. I can't imagine dancing and singing would be much fun by myself.

Hope you're having fun!

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