to be unsure whether I even want a leaving do at work?

[hatwoman]

this could be a bit long.

I am leaving work after 10 years. I love the organisation I work for. there are a lot of people I respect hugely there. There are a few I have grown very fond of. There are also people I have very little respect for. I am sad to be leaving - very sad - not least because although people constantly tell me I'm a real asset my reasons for leaving are a work culture that deeply lacks respect and recognition (recognition of crap work, as well as good); incidents that have seen me personally at the receiving end of this lack of respect; and a fear that it is dumbing down and that the die-hards are losing their battle to protect what's wonderful about the organisation.

so how do I handle a leaving do? I am nervous that no-one will come. I am nervous that everyone will come. I cried the day I resigned - so I;m terrified of crying (in front of people) when I leave. I don;t think I can bare to hear people who have contributed directly to my leaving say nice things about me - which they will.

talk me through it. I don;t think I can get out of it. I'm not sure I want to. but I need some tips to emerge with my dignity and integrity in tact. How can I do this? would putting the bad stuff in writing be a good way of doing it? perhaps talking to the people in question and telling them exactly how and why I decided to leave - then maybe they can still say nice stuff and I can smile and say thank you without feeling too much was left unsaid.

I have a deep emtional attachment to this organisation and I want to at least get leaving it right!

I was pushed out of my job after ML and then it was suggested that I should have a leaving do. I avoided it by just being very vague whenever it was mentioned and saying things like "yes, well maybe", or "I'm not sure when I'm free". A bit different though as I wasn't physically in the office while it was all going on.

I was in a very similar situation, I left after 8 years for very similar reasons.

I ended up having a very low key leaving do which basically involved me inviting out for a meal the few people who I wanted there and who mattered to me. It ended up as a very relaxing and enjoyable night. I also left it until after I had actually left so that passers by didn't end up tagging along.

You will enjoy it if you can get it right!

I sympathise with you, I know exactly how you feel, I left my job after 7 years for a lot of the reasons you have described and more. I didn't want to have a leaving do and my lovely PA had secretly organised a lunch at which I had to put up with a number of people saying nice things who had directly contributed to me leaving! But by the same token, lot of lovely people came who I had worked with over the years and it was good to see and say goodbye to them.

I did in the end after much persuasion go out for a leaving drink with a small but select group! A number of colleagues said to me that I might not feel I needed it, but they felt people needed a forum where they could say goodbye and for closure. Does that make sense? I am lots of people will want to come and say goodbye to you and wish you well.

As for the bad stuff, could you have some sort of exit interview? I did this at my place, not sure that it will have made the slightest bit of difference but made me feel better anyway!

I was asked today when I;d like a leaving thing. (not if!) standard institutional format is a few drinks and nibbles in the office at about 5pm. some people organise their own - decide whether to send an invite to the whole building or just their dept, invite people to the pub, - some just leave it to their bossess/ assistants. I;m more incluined to the latter - not because I;m lazy but because inviting people to mark something to do with me doesn;t come naturally. I really think I have to go with it. I've had an exit interview but they're just a process - with some muppet from HR who, to be honest, knows k'all and has k'all influence. so only vaguely satisfying. I might start work on an email to some key people.