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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not inviting grandparents to soft play party?

50 replies

Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 10:59

Just that really...

It's my son's 4th birthday. There's obviously limited space in the venue so we are allowed 2 people to attend for my son (me and his dad) and one adult for every child paid for. The children are young so my guess is each adult will stay to supervise. I've invited school friends and one family member who has a young child.
Grandparents are now sulking because they can't come. Feel like I can't win. AIBU?

OP posts:
WellsAndThistles · 14/03/2025 16:18

Depends on the GP's - in their 70's they probably can't bounce around softplay with 30 kids but in their 40's they would probably be a great help.

Wonderberry · 14/03/2025 16:19

thepariscrimefiles · 14/03/2025 15:22

OP has said that there is limited space at the venue. OP is allowed two adult places for her son (which will be OP and her DH) and the other childen have been allocated one adult place each.

If the grandparents were allowed to go, OP and her DH wouldn't be able to.

Show quote history

Limited included adults. It's possible to pay for extra. Indeed excluding family from parties as utterly bizarre.

Original poster
Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 16:21

WellsAndThistles · 14/03/2025 16:18

Depends on the GP's - in their 70's they probably can't bounce around softplay with 30 kids but in their 40's they would probably be a great help.

I honestly have no issue with them coming but I've been told by the manager that we can't have additional adults and I feel like it's a massive waste of money to buy 2 more child tickets just so they can attend... I wouldn't be inviting 2 more children.

OP posts:
Dolambslikemintsauce · 14/03/2025 16:23

Who in their right mind actually WANTS to go to a soft play??

Original poster
Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 16:24

Wonderberry · 14/03/2025 16:19

Limited included adults. It's possible to pay for extra. Indeed excluding family from parties as utterly bizarre.

Show quote history

If I were to pay for 2 adults, they would be sat in a different room to us though. There's a private party room and I've been told that they would have to sit separately...

OP posts:
Juiceinacup · 14/03/2025 16:37

The last birthday party for our youngest grandchildren was at a hired hall, we helped with transporting stuff there, setting things out then went off for a coffee elsewhere to leave them all to have fun, then helped clear up and transport stuff back. Our grandchild was too busy with friends to want us there even though we have a close bond with them.We all had a family birthday tea later, actually at our house cause it was easier for mum and dad, they opened family presents then and we had a lovely chilled out time. They were excited to tell us all about their great birthday party and show us the gifts they had been given, mum and dad had taken some photos so we got shown those as well. The GP’s don’t need to be there to feel part of the birthday celebrations, separate friends and family celebrations are the way we did it with our child and that’s the way he’s doing it with his now.

Redshoeblueshoe · 14/03/2025 16:40

As a GP I would thank god that I had not been invited to softplay. It is hell.

TheAlertFinch · 14/03/2025 16:44

Why wouldn't they know what soft play is? It's hardly a new thing. I took my now grown up DS to soft play many years ago.

Just let them pay the entrance fee. I'm sure they can cope with the noise.

ThePinkOtter · 14/03/2025 16:46

Pay for them to come and put them to work. They will soon learn 😂

Libertysparkle · 14/03/2025 16:47

Tbf with soft play most parents don't want to be there either. You are doing their ears a favour! Have cake with them after.

Tagyoureit · 14/03/2025 16:52

I can't imagine any sane adult wanting to go to soft play by choice!! Germ infested, noisy, kiss running around like crazy, not enough chairs! Just why would they want to go?

What time is the party?
Can they just round yours later for a birthday buffet tea and cake?

Tagyoureit · 14/03/2025 16:53

Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 16:24

If I were to pay for 2 adults, they would be sat in a different room to us though. There's a private party room and I've been told that they would have to sit separately...

Show quote history

So blame the venue!!
Health and safety, fire regulations, set amount of numbers!

Put them to work by sorting the food and cake to have after!

Freshflower · 14/03/2025 16:54

I remember my MIL expected my child to go to hers for dc birthday without me , because it happened to fall on the day child went to grandma's for a visit. I said for them to come to mine in the evening , which she did and she sat there looking so pissed off at me. You can never win with these kinds of people they will sulk if they font grt what they want and you will feel guilty and unreasonable. Stick to your guns , they are not coming and that's that. Don't think about it again , but definitely invite them for dinner or something another day.

Scandinoirfan · 14/03/2025 16:57

RealEagle · 14/03/2025 11:41

I’m a grandparent I could think of nothing worse then sitting at a soft play party,it’s a party for their friends.

À million times this. I'd rather poke my own eyes out and I'm a loving and very involved grandma

Mischance · 14/03/2025 16:58

Grandmother here - sometimes I am part of these events, sometimes not, depending on circumstances. That is fine by me.

Doingmybestbut · 14/03/2025 16:59

I would always include the grandparents, but they are very hands on and supportive so it would be weird if they didn’t come.

gingergiraffe · 14/03/2025 17:02

RealEagle · 14/03/2025 11:41

I’m a grandparent I could think of nothing worse then sitting at a soft play party,it’s a party for their friends.

I totally agree! My idea of hell, though if they really wanted me there, I would bite my tongue and go.

ErrolTheDragon · 14/03/2025 17:06

Sulking because they can’t come to a children’s party is ridiculous. It’s not about them, it’s for your child - he’s four, not them.

AliceMcK · 14/03/2025 17:13

I use to invite the whole family to things when my oldest were little, but logistically it was a nightmare and we never had a chance to speak to family, DCs would be running around with friends, so we moved to having separate parties for the DCs and friends and then family party separately. By party I mean a lunch with birthday cake after. So much better and the grandparents actually get to see and enjoy the DCs.

intrepidgiraffe · 14/03/2025 17:18

Not unreasonable but be sure to explain why they are not invited ... I was at a toddler group this week with a grandparent who provides significant childcare and she looked heartbroken as she told me that she wasn't invited to her older grandchild's party this year, reminisced about all the other parties over the years etc.

Original poster
Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 17:53

intrepidgiraffe · 14/03/2025 17:18

Not unreasonable but be sure to explain why they are not invited ... I was at a toddler group this week with a grandparent who provides significant childcare and she looked heartbroken as she told me that she wasn't invited to her older grandchild's party this year, reminisced about all the other parties over the years etc.

Thank you for this perspective.
The last thing I would want is for them to feel this way and I feel upset and guilty that they do. But I do think there needs to be a compromise. The day is about my son, not me, or them or the rest of the family for that matter. And he wants to spend some of it with his friends...
Honestly, I wish I'd never booked it!

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 14/03/2025 18:07

intrepidgiraffe · 14/03/2025 17:18

Not unreasonable but be sure to explain why they are not invited ... I was at a toddler group this week with a grandparent who provides significant childcare and she looked heartbroken as she told me that she wasn't invited to her older grandchild's party this year, reminisced about all the other parties over the years etc.

I think some grandparents forget they are not the parents and they've had their turn.

I know so many who are sulky every time they are 'excluded' from Christmas concerts and every other little thing - they don't seem to get that if every DC had parents and grandparents, that would be 6 people per child (before you even get into step-parents and new partners and aunts and uncles!)

Your acquaintance providing childcare is completely irrelevant - if she feels she does too much or is taking advantage of then that's a separate issue she should raise with her DC. Nobody provides childcare in exchange for an invite to a birthday party!

She should be glad she went to "all the others", not "heartbroken" (get a grip!) she's missing one. Surely she understands she would have stopped being invited at some point anyway as the child gets older, or was she expecting to be in PJs having a sleepover at 11 and going clubbing with them at 18?

I honestly don't get it. Kids parties are hell on earth, people should be grateful for the chance to avoid them!

Poonu · 14/03/2025 18:08

Did you ask the venue if you can pay extra for your parents?

RaininSummer · 14/03/2025 18:51

Not sure why grandparents would want to go to a soft play party. Couldnt you do a little tea and cake visit for the grandparents on another day?

craigth162 · 14/03/2025 18:54

My mum would have cried if I wanted her to come to my sons soft play parties. Even I find them painful but a necessary evil.

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