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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not inviting grandparents to soft play party?

50 replies

Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 10:59

Just that really...

It's my son's 4th birthday. There's obviously limited space in the venue so we are allowed 2 people to attend for my son (me and his dad) and one adult for every child paid for. The children are young so my guess is each adult will stay to supervise. I've invited school friends and one family member who has a young child.
Grandparents are now sulking because they can't come. Feel like I can't win. AIBU?

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 14/03/2025 11:00

Grandparents don’t need to go to birthday parties, they can see the kids separately.

Ph3 · 14/03/2025 11:02

Why don’t you invite family over to yours for dinner and cut the cake? Maybe that’s a good compromise.

Comedycook · 14/03/2025 11:03

Yanbu...tell them it will be far too boisterous and busy for them to properly celebrate with him there so can come over for cake at home

From my experience, extended family aren't invited to these types of parties unless they're bringing their own children to join in with the party

Original poster
Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 11:06

Ph3 · 14/03/2025 11:02

Why don’t you invite family over to yours for dinner and cut the cake? Maybe that’s a good compromise.

Thank you.

Yes, this is what I was going to suggest next time I speak to them. I did try explaining the party is not about the grown ups, it's a chance for my son to celebrate with his friends.

OP posts:
Ph3 · 14/03/2025 11:15

Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 11:06

Thank you.

Yes, this is what I was going to suggest next time I speak to them. I did try explaining the party is not about the grown ups, it's a chance for my son to celebrate with his friends.

Show quote history

I think they like to be involved. I agree with you that this is for kids!

BigDeepBreaths · 14/03/2025 11:33

Let the GPs go and host the party in your places. Is there a pub nearby where you and DH can have some food and drink while you wait 😉

Northeastmammy · 14/03/2025 11:33

One of my SIL’s actually sulked and caused a family fall out because she wasn’t invited to my daughter’s party. I only invited my daughter’s school friends and didn't actually exclude anyone! I normally just have a family tea party with a cake as I think their actual party is for them and their friends to enjoy for a few hours!

Hankunamatata · 14/03/2025 11:35

Yanbu. I always did class party and separate family party

Snorlaxo · 14/03/2025 11:37

I assume that you don’t have exclusive use so if they paid an entry fee then they could attend?

A party is for ds and his friends. If the grandparents are the type to sulk if ds mainly speaks to his friends then don’t suggest they pay to attend.

Wonderberry · 14/03/2025 11:37

Maybe a cultural thing but I would always include grandparents in parties. They want to celebrate with your child, and surely you child wants them there too? Unless there is a big fall out you haven't mentioned. Can you not pay for a few extra adults? Every soft play I have been to has this as an option

YouveGotAFastCar · 14/03/2025 11:40

Not unreasonable in the slightest. I’ve been to very few parties where the grandparents have attended, unless they’re there to help, and even then… they often seem quite awkward as the child is busy with their friends and there’s a kind of awkward obligation to try and find something you’ve got in common with them to talk about, or you feel bad for leaving them standing around.

It’s a soft play party. Surely they can celebrate with your child separately. It’s quite entitled to sulk about not being invited.

RealEagle · 14/03/2025 11:41

I’m a grandparent I could think of nothing worse then sitting at a soft play party,it’s a party for their friends.

Lulu1919 · 14/03/2025 11:42

Parties can be for grandparents
But I'd be happy with a birthday cake and pressies at your house and time with the child !
Yes I'm a granny

pizzaHeart · 14/03/2025 11:44

I never heard about grandparents coming to soft play for birthday party, unless it’s only one parent coming and they need someone to help. Soft play is about school friends. The family party is always a separate event.

LadyDanburysHat · 14/03/2025 11:44

Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 11:06

Thank you.

Yes, this is what I was going to suggest next time I speak to them. I did try explaining the party is not about the grown ups, it's a chance for my son to celebrate with his friends.

Show quote history

I imagine if they did come, they would then complain that they didn't get to see him much. He will be in the soft play, or chatting to his friends when eating, they won't get any decent time with him.

BarnacleBeasley · 14/03/2025 11:47

Grandparents sometimes come where I live, but I think that's because there's only one viable soft play in the area and it's quite small (so exclusive use is the norm) but with a big enough cafe area to fit in as many grown-ups as you want. An extra pair of hands or two is always useful, especially if you've got other kids. At my DS's last party, he got a bit overwhelmed and went mega clingy, which meant I couldn't do anything practical and DP was busy with the baby, so we were pleased to have a couple of other family members around to do practical things. But I wouldn't see it as something you'd want to come to as a grandparent! Even if it is nice to see your grandchild charging around having fun with their friends.

CoraPirbright · 14/03/2025 12:01

Frankly you’ve done them a favour!! Soft play places are hell on earth and given that he’s 4, you literally won’t see him for dust! Do they understand what soft play places are like? If they came they would be lucky to see him for 30 seconds. They are being ridiculous by sulking.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/03/2025 14:37

Hankunamatata · 14/03/2025 11:35

Yanbu. I always did class party and separate family party

Same

much easier. Family at home

party in hall /gymnastics /soft play etx

or can they bring any other grandchildren to party and be the adult

tho most soft play now seem to after covid charge £2/3 for adult

thepariscrimefiles · 14/03/2025 15:22

Wonderberry · 14/03/2025 11:37

Maybe a cultural thing but I would always include grandparents in parties. They want to celebrate with your child, and surely you child wants them there too? Unless there is a big fall out you haven't mentioned. Can you not pay for a few extra adults? Every soft play I have been to has this as an option

OP has said that there is limited space at the venue. OP is allowed two adult places for her son (which will be OP and her DH) and the other childen have been allocated one adult place each.

If the grandparents were allowed to go, OP and her DH wouldn't be able to.

BethBynnag86 · 14/03/2025 15:24

Grandparent here.
So far,birthday celebrations for our young DGD have been developing into a pattern of holding a separate 'do' at home for the extended family-GPs,cousins,aunts &uncles,etc .Summer birthday,so lots of it spent outside.A lovely informal get-together of both families.

We do not expect- or indeed want-an invitation to a booked children's activity,especially as numbers usually have to be capped for these events.

I've been to the soft play with my DGD,and nothing would induce me to attend a party there!😆

If DD and DSiL decided to hire a hall for a party and do their own catering I'd certainly offer to help with the prep and the food,otherwise we are more than happy to step back from the children's parties and stay at home!

arcticpandas · 14/03/2025 15:48

Why would they want to come to softplay? It's horrible for adults. But if they are keen they can just pay their entrance I suppose?

SummerInSun · 14/03/2025 15:53

I actually really doubt that the soft play place will enforce this rule if the grandparents show up. Every time we’ve done a soft play party or I’ve been to one it’s total chaos and the 17 year olds running the place on a weekend are flat out and far to busy to worry about what rules management have put in place. I’d say that they are welcome to come as far as you are concerned but there is a risk that the staff won’t let them in.

That said, my parents have come to a couple of my DS’s soft play parties and while they came as an act of love, they - like all adults - found the soft play centre, with its noise, chaos, and lack of hygiene, total hell on earth!

SnowInJune · 14/03/2025 16:07

Do they know what softplay is? My inlaws were upset until I explained party group was assigned squashy sofas, MIL would need to sit on dining chair in cafe area, it was full of shrieking children which she hates and would not see birthday boy. Also summer birthday so very hot.

SnowInJune · 14/03/2025 16:07

Do they know what softplay is? My inlaws were upset until I explained party group was assigned squashy sofas, MIL would need to sit on dining chair in cafe area, it was full of shrieking children which she hates and would not see birthday boy. Also summer birthday so very hot.

Original poster
Rosemary61 · 14/03/2025 16:16

SnowInJune · 14/03/2025 16:07

Do they know what softplay is? My inlaws were upset until I explained party group was assigned squashy sofas, MIL would need to sit on dining chair in cafe area, it was full of shrieking children which she hates and would not see birthday boy. Also summer birthday so very hot.

Yeah, I'm not sure they fully understand. I've explained the concept to them and said I really doubt they'd find it enjoyable but I feel like they're not listening and just can't wrap their head around the fact they aren't coming.

Will suggest a birthday tea after the soft play and hopefully that will nip it in the bud!

OP posts: