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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother's Day Dilema

10 replies

HoneyBearsSmile · 14/03/2025 08:34

I am fortunate that both my mum (aged 78) and mother-in-law (aged 82) are in relative good health, live within a 30 minute drive and we all have a good relationship.
My b-in-law lives abroad and my brother & his wife, although lives close, can be a bit flaky about socialising with everyone, often changing plans or cancelling last minute.
Every occasion throughout the year Birthdays, Christmas, etc is left to DH and I to organise and usually host. F-in-law only drives to local shops now so we have to collect and take back when they are invited out.
DH is a good cook and does the majority of cooking as a norm, and when we are hosting more I obviously help.
With Mothers Day coming up, unusually we've not yet invited anyone round. For many years I've felt that others forget it's my Mother's Day too (1 DD away at Uni, 1DD possibly working that weekend) and as our weekends are precious, particularly at the moment as we both have important stressful work projects to be completed by the late Spring, I just don't feel enthusiastic about hosting for what will essentially be about 6 hours when I could be chilling and doing my own thing. We can't invite everyone out to a pub or ir restaurant as inlaws expect an invite out means we pay for everyone, and my Mum's partner has a terminal illness meaning eating out is not an option.
Am I being unreasonable to just give a card & flowers and say we're just chilling this year? I know the parents will say that's fine but will probably be disappointed. An alternative is for me to take my Mum out for lunch at some point and he do similar with his (she barely leaves the house though, only to come to us so would likely refuse). I know not everyone celebrates Mother's Day, but those that do, what do you do?

OP posts:
Diningtableornot · 14/03/2025 08:39

How about a short visit to each taking flowers and card and maybe a cake, saying that you and DH are then going to a concert or something later? It would start changing the expectations.

CostcoBuns · 14/03/2025 08:41

Flowers and a card is fine! Let them know in advance that you're doing something different this year and maybe arrange to do something with each set of parents on a different date so they have that to look forward too.

CostcoBuns · 14/03/2025 08:41

And enjoy your day! 💐

Hankunamatata · 14/03/2025 08:45

Could u do afternoon visit with mum and mil the two weekends before mother day? Take them an easy treat like some fancy cakes and have afternoon style tea at each of their houses

thepariscrimefiles · 14/03/2025 08:49

I agree that a present and a card will be perfectly fine. It's unreasonable that all the responsibility for Mother's Day and other special occasions falls on your and your DH's shoulders.

Will both mums be OK with this or will they make a fuss?

Shinyandnew1 · 14/03/2025 08:50

I would pop in to see my mum in the morning with a card and cake and DH do the same with his, then explain that you're spending the rest of the day with DH chilling.

Are you expecting your brother to phone asking you what the plans are?

Themilseys · 14/03/2025 15:31

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think my Mum particularly will be disappointed but also does understand and has previously commented that there is no expectation for us to host every time there's an event even though we all know that if we don't, nobody else will.
My brother would not have a clue it's Mother's Day, and he rarely remembers Birthdays either. His wife is not British and they celebrate different occasions on different dates, plus they do visit her home country often so miss occasions.. It just would not occur to them to host an occasion.
I think I might just take Mum out to lunch on another weekend and DH can visit his Mum with goodies, she'd prefer that to being taken out.
I will then choose to do whatever I want for a change!
Thanks all!

Shinyandnew1 · 14/03/2025 16:45

Themilseys · 14/03/2025 15:31

Thanks everyone for your responses. I think my Mum particularly will be disappointed but also does understand and has previously commented that there is no expectation for us to host every time there's an event even though we all know that if we don't, nobody else will.
My brother would not have a clue it's Mother's Day, and he rarely remembers Birthdays either. His wife is not British and they celebrate different occasions on different dates, plus they do visit her home country often so miss occasions.. It just would not occur to them to host an occasion.
I think I might just take Mum out to lunch on another weekend and DH can visit his Mum with goodies, she'd prefer that to being taken out.
I will then choose to do whatever I want for a change!
Thanks all!

Are you the OP? It comes up in a different colour than the OP but presume it's you!

Glad you've found a solution.

Themilseys · 14/03/2025 17:53

Yes, sorry for confusion,I had to re-register a username this morning but miraculously this after, I was able to log in with my original username!

Hillarious · 14/03/2025 18:20

I’d happily host as usual and relax on another day, because that is possible. I think doing something with both mums on the actual Mother’s Day would mean more to them and I’d arrange for the DC to cook for me when they are both home and free instead.

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