To want to change my personality?

[DaleyDerDrache]

I'm generally pretty anxious, shy and nervous in social situations, although I've definitely improved since late teens. I'm also a planner, and I get stressed if things have to be moved around last minute.

I've always wanted to be a more easy-going, relaxed person, who can chat to anyone. I'd also like to be more adventurous and out-doorsy. Is it even possible to change so much? Has anyone successfully changed their personality? Looking for stories and advice, from anyone who has done this!

You don’t need to change your personality OP.
Anxiety isn’t a personality trait, some of us are more prone to it than others but it is learned behaviour stemming from fear.

I am a different person when I am anxious to when I am not. When I am content, I am much more easy going and I think I am better to be around.
Im not a planner but I have friends who are and I feel a little jealous of that sometimes and admire it in them!

May I suggest reading (or listening to the audio book) make change that lasts by Dr Chatterjee? Life changing book!
The fact that you even want to change your personality betrays a lack of self esteem - you need to accept and love yourself for who you are. Then the rest comes.

Hi OP. I think there are some changes you could make. Could you join a walking group which would help with the outdoors bit and meeting more people?

I don't think you can jump from being a planner to being super easy going but live is inherently chaotic and accepting that can help!

I am similar, I have very high anxiety.
I am not adventurous or outdoorsy. I think you can try to change some things, but why others? If you are not adventurous, why do you want to change that if you don't enjoy adventurous things? Not everyone is the same and people have different prefetences, and that is ok.

Personally, I don't think there is nothing wrong with that and wouldn't make an effort to change that.

I have made a lot of efforts trying to get rid of my anxiety (or getting better), and that's because it makes me really unhappy and doesn't let me love my day to day live to the fullest I had theraphy and I have always been pushing myself to do things that are hard, oit of my confort zone. Exposure works. For example, I am very very scared of speaking in public (not normal scared, but pani, I had to medicate myself if I had to do it) and I have attended public speaking groups, I have now joined a theatre group which is focused on gaining confidence. I am still scared, but I wouldn't medicate for speaking in public and I can leave with it

I’d recommend meditation. Helps you see how your ‘personality’ or sense of self is nothing fixed and you are essentially just a series of thoughts! You learn to let go of the thoughts that harm and think more of the ones that make you happy, and things gradually change. Learning in person with a group way better than apps etc if possible.

I'm not sure you can .
But you can try to change the way you deal with / handle situations .
As a start , what about yoga and meditation , maybe that might help to chill .
Or some form of therapy ? Think there is something the nhs offers called talking therapy or something like that .

Yes, all of those things. I have very good relationships and I have hobbies. I just feel like I'm missing out and I want to do and experience more in my life.

Thank you for the advice so far! I will reply in more detail soon but my baby is waking up.

Changing your personality sounds like an overwhelming, and somewhat unrealistic aim. A more helpful way to view it is to develop good habits that facilitate easygoing interactions.

Introducing a new habit will play to your planning strengths, and enable small changes over time that will gradually become familiar and second nature.

Set yourself one new habit each month - start small and do it every day. A good one to start with if you don't do it already is to make sure you're not in a rush in the mornings, and if you spot any neighbours as you leave or return home, try to make eye contact and say 'Good morning'. That's it. It's amazing how many people find this so difficult. Do it even if you feel nervous or anxious. Some won't respond, but that doesn't matter - you're establishing a habit of being a friendly and approachable neighbour.

Some other habits you could incorporate:
-if you have friends, always make a note of their birthday and send them a card. Then follow up with a suggestion to meet for a cuppa and cake to celebrate their birthday. It doesn't matter if they can't make it or don't want to - you're establishing a new habit of becoming a sociable friend.
-if you want to be more outdoorsy, go on a walk every day. Try to walk in a place where there are dog walkers. If a dog approaches you, say something sweet about the dog, and ask a question - 'what is the dog's name' etc. People love talking about their dog.
-If someone tells you something about an event in the future they are dealing with or going to, make a note in your diary about it so you remember to ask them after the event - it's easy to forgot if you're anxious...'how did you get on at the...?' Again it plays to your strengths of being a planner to enable you to interact more successfully.

Small steps, new habits is the way to go.

I think that's something that you can change and control to an extent with some work. It's just about stepping out of your comfort zone, trying new things and growing as a person. You can try self help books, apps, therapy and exercise classes as a beginner. You can end up surprising yourself and doing things you never thought you'd be able to do

I don’t think it matters if you feel anxious as long as you aren’t letting it hold you back. If you feel anxious but are doing the things anyway then who cares?

Probably terrible advice but an easy way from anxiety around changing plans to going with the flow is a glass of wine! Obviously not appropriate for all circumstances but a glass of wine in the airport before a flight for example could be really helpful.

Why on earth was the first post deleted? Didn’t they just ask the OP some questions about her life??

I swear MN are just deleting posts for the sake of it these days

I second trying meditation. It can really turn things around when it comes to anxiety. Either the Headspace or Calm apps see good places to start.