My son is autistic and got into some trouble at work and was suspended. We suspected he was autistic at the time but were awaiting a diagnosis, his employer didn’t know this.
He worked in a position of responsibility so it wasn’t just a simple suspension, there has been an investigation and the possibility he might not be able to return to work.
I can’t give many details as it is very outing but basically he had been teased by some other men he worked with for a long time and had been taking it very personally and it had been upsetting him. He is a different race and most of the comments had been around that, he has faced a lot of proper bullying in the past over his race and is very sensitive with diagnosed PTSD.
One day one man kept winding him up and laughing at him getting angry and my son ended up snapping and shouting at this colleague to leave him alone and came across as aggressive and scared his colleagues. There was no physical violence but my son said he did lose his temper and had to stop himself from lashing out, there could have been members of the public present but luckily there wasn’t - the possibility of it though is what contributed highly in the suspension.
He was suspended whilst it was investigated and has been very very depressed whilst this has been going on, he has a strong sense of justice and he has struggled with how unfair it seems to him. The man that was teasing him is still working there and very much just of the attitude it was “lad bantz” other colleagues have said similar.
DS has become a shell of his former self and replays everything in his head constantly, I spend hours going through everything with him.
We have been to the doctor and he has been referred to counselling today and the doctor took him seriously and he was feeling a bit more positive about the future, then he realised he had received a letter from his employer.
I was under the impression that there would be a meeting to discuss the decision to let him return to work with him present, I have also accompanied him at some meetings following the incident and was expecting to be allowed to be present to support him and help him understand things and process them afterwards.
We have both been waiting for a date for the meeting and it’s been a few weeks now.
The letter in an email today states that the decision has been made about if he will return to work or not after a meeting in his absence, a decision letter will arrive by post tomorrow with supporting evidence.
Anyone who has an autistic loved one will know that this is like sheer torture for them, he is obsessing about what the answer might be and asking me constantly what I think, I have answered honestly that I’m not sure its positive as if he was being reinstated in his role then why wouldn’t they just email saying that? I didn’t realise that he had assumed it was good news and so I have devastated him saying that.
I know no one can possibly know what decision his employer has made but I just wanted to see where the majority of the vote lies, I know you can’t vote based on the small amount of information I’ve given about the incident but I am more interested about what people think the likelihood is that he will be allowed to return to work or not? I don’t know if I should be offering hope or trying to be realistic, but I could be completely wrong in assuming that it’s a no because he’s been told in writing.
My DS hasn’t wanted anyone else to know about this so I’ve literally been the only support he’s had over it and it’s been exhausting, I feel like I’m walking in a minefield, I wanted to post just to get an outside perspective for once, it’s consumed him so much that I’ve had to give constant support and I’m struggling to know what to do for the best. He won’t sleep tonight so I’ve got hours ahead where I don’t know if I should be trying to prepare him or letting him hope for tonight.
Vote is: YABU - he will be given his job back.
YANBU - unfortunately it seems his suspension is permanent.